Turned a colleague down for a date, reported it to HR, and I was fired the next day

[Anonymous]

YOU are hired on a contract basis, right? You are not an employee. They can do whatever.

[Anonymous]

"Twenty years older and in a position of authority."

[Anonymous]

There HAS to be something more to this story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You deserve to be fired if you reported someone for just asking you for a drink.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous.

I did not report him to HR. I simply wanted HR to know that since he worked for my previous employer, I turned him down for drinks and dinner and that I was not interested in socializing with him outside of work. I had no idea whether he would progress or escalate his invitations and I did not want my employer to think I was encouraging him.


Why can't dudes who are twenty and thirty years older than their captive office mates, find people their own age and outside of work to date?

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, OP? You escalate an offer for a date to hr. This wasn't harassment. You showed immaturity and poor judgment. I am sure hr saw you as a problem just waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Drinks and dinner with a coworker may be friendly or a date. Either way, I'm not sure why you forwarded the email rather than accepting or declining. They may have thought you wete crazy or too socially awkward for them to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You deserve to be fired if you reported someone for just asking you for a drink.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous.


I did not report him to HR. I simply wanted HR to know that since he worked for my previous employer, I turned him down for drinks and dinner and that I was not interested in socializing with him outside of work. I had no idea whether he would progress or escalate his invitations and I did not want my employer to think I was encouraging him.


Why can't dudes who are twenty and thirty years older than their captive office mates, find people their own age and outside of work to date?

Perhaps when young women quit trying to catch rich, old dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drinks and dinner with a coworker may be friendly or a date. Either way, I'm not sure why you forwarded the email rather than accepting or declining. They may have thought you wete crazy or too socially awkward for them to work with.

OP, I'm sorry, but I have to agree with assessment above. You should have accepted or declined, and leave it at that.

Now, a smart thing to do - and that's what I've learned and keep doing when the going gets iffy - would be to save that email exchange, just in case things escalate or develop in the unexpected direction further. Always have a paper trail, most likely than not nothing will happen, but if it does, you might need proof.

But reporting an email invitation to HR right off the bat? Overkill!

[Anonymous]

Being invited for a drink is not a reportable "offense". What did you hope to gain by reporting it to HR? Now if you declined and he then harassed you or retaliated in some way that would be different.

Frankly, if I were your manager I'd view you as a potential trouble maker and want to get rid of you pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being invited for a drink is not a reportable "offense". What did you hope to gain by reporting it to HR? Now if you declined and he then harassed you or retaliated in some way that would be different.

Frankly, if I were your manager I'd view you as a potential trouble maker and want to get rid of you pronto.

I think that's exactly what happened.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you reported it in case it escalated. You said no. As of the date you reported it, he had not escalated matters (although I agree that it was weird and uncomfortable for him to ask, I don't think it is report-worthy). I think your behavior was also odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't follow which contractor is which. Maybe try Contractor A, B, C for clarity?

I worked for Contractor A. That contract ended. I went to work for Contractor B. Contractor A is now a subcontractor to Contractor B. Dude from Contractor A emails me for drinks and dinner. I politely declined, and forwarded the email to my Contractor B's HR department. Next day, my employer Contractor B fired me and said I told them the job was too difficult for me to do. I never said that.

I found another contractor job within 3 weeks.

I still wonder what I could have done to save my job at Contractor B without dating the dude from Contractor A, a good twenty years older than me. I was not interested in him or encouraging him to ask me out.

You decline the date.

You report to HR if it later escalates to harassing, but a date request is not harassment.

Exactly. I actually know a number of couples who have met through work. There are also many happy couples who have an age difference. You were completely within your right to decline the dinner invitation. Seeing as you had left Company A, the guy asking you out may have waited until you were with Company B intentionally. Or may be he wanted to discuss a business aspect.

You reported him when he hadn't done anything wrong. That makes you a difficult employee.

You could have kept your job at Company B by declining the dinner offer (although it may have been business) and then going about your job. You are the one who chose to meddle. Unless the Company has a clear policy that you cannot date co-workers, you were the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't follow which contractor is which. Maybe try Contractor A, B, C for clarity?

I worked for Contractor A. That contract ended. I went to work for Contractor B. Contractor A is now a subcontractor to Contractor B. Dude from Contractor A emails me for drinks and dinner. I politely declined, and forwarded the email to my Contractor B's HR department. Next day, my employer Contractor B fired me and said I told them the job was too difficult for me to do. I never said that.

I found another contractor job within 3 weeks.

I still wonder what I could have done to save my job at Contractor B without dating the dude from Contractor A, a good twenty years older than me. I was not interested in him or encouraging him to ask me out.

You could have NOT reported him to HR. He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't say if you didn't go out with him then he'd have you fired. It's not illegal, immoral or against company policy to ask out a coworker. There was no reason for you to report it to HR.

Having said all that, it's weird they fired you, and you're better off having gotten out.

[Anonymous]

I'm always suspicious of people to make an original post and don't come back to respond. It's like they are just stirring shit up. Oh wait, is that what you'd call a troll.

[Anonymous]

Actually in seems like the old dude got the last laugh.

Have you learned your lesson?