Why do SAHMs need a nanny when their kids are in middle school?

[Anonymous]

I will probably get flamed but I am always curious about the SAHMs at my kids private school who have older kids and still need the assistance of a nanny. My DH and I are both working professionals with demanding jobs. Mine allows more time flexibility so I can manage to pick the kids up and attend sports game after school. When I see a nanny at a sports game rather than the SAHM, I often wonder "She can't be that busy and I doubt that her schedule is as demanding as mine". And, yes, I have more than one kid who both play multiple sports. Just curious...

Why are you concerning yourself with how someone else choses to spend their money or live their live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP but most of you sound really defensive. Maybe she honestly wanted to know but some of the responses were so ugly.

The question was ugly. Not only in what it tried to imply about certain SAHMs but also because what it revealed about the OP's though process.

The OP rescinded her right to polite answers.

NP. OK, so I was going to remain just a lurker on this thread because it didn't seem likely that it could turn into a productive discussion or anything other than an extension of the mommy wars mudslinging, but this I just have to respond to.

PP, seriously? Do you honestly think that “the OP rescinded her right to polite answers”? This is such the opposite of the attitude I’m trying to teach my kids. Short of a situation where someone’s physical safety is under threat I don’t think anyone can ‘rescind’ their basic right to polite and decent treatment. I’m teaching my girls that another person’s ugly attitude, rudeness, or lapse in manners is never an excuse or justification for their own standards of manners and politeness to slip. Just because OP seemed to have a nasty judgmental attitude doesn't mean anyone else’s posts had to take the same tone in response.

Have you seen the other recent thread on this board, something like “shocked about social media”? I think this attitude of responding in kind or “well he/she started it” is part of the problem, honestly. My girls know that their behavior online is entirely under their control and therefore they will be held entirely responsible if they are being impolite or nasty in some way without significant justification -- meaning far stronger of a reason than “she was being nasty first”.

Thank you for this. You helped me put words around something I value greatly and am trying to teach my children. I know your post is a bit off-topic, but I really appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will answer. I am a former WAHM mom and now SAHM with a nanny. Our nanny has been with us for years and is family to us. At this point the kids are getting older and she has made herself indispensable with driving to various events, helping with cooking and basically helping with everything/anything that comes up. I am not going to lie, my life is smooth with her assistance and I not sure why this bothers people like OP. My nanny makes a lot of money, has health benefits/vacation. She also likes to travel with us esp now that the kids are older and she goes off on some of her own adventures. She asked a few years back if she could stay until her retirement as she doesn't want to work for another family at this point. She has been with us for so long she feels it would be hard emotionally to start again at her age. She has also seen from nanny friends that majority of parents treat their nannies as a maybe year or two job until daycare slot available or until school. This is hard on nannies who really fall in love with the kids. So I don't need a nanny but I have one because I am appreciative of all the years of service and we have found a way to create almost a new job. I am sure their are SAHM who are not involved in their kids lives but really I think is rare. Most SAHM I know are involved in school, activities, charity and also are go tos for their WM friends. Anyway, I get it that some people will judge but OP should get that I don't care. I am generally a happy person and my happiness is not dependent on judgy people. FWIW, this is the wonderful thing about turning 40, you just don't care.

You must be loaded. You pay someone FT with benefits and pay for her vacations so she can go explore? Can I be your nanny? But seriously, where is her family?

Yes, she probably is. And it sounds to me like she's choosing to spend her money in a wonderful way. Everybody wins -- mom, nanny and the kids, too.

After all, if PP can afford to provide more happiness, security and support for those she loves (including her kids and her long-time nanny), why not? Isn't that what the money is for?

[Anonymous]

I hire a nanny because my husband works late and travels. I have the nanny take my kids to lessons that are half an hour from my home once a week, I go the other lesson day. Every since I had cancer (remission now) my body and immune system have never been the same. This plus I need a break.

[Anonymous]

My sister still keeps her nanny, even though her oldest is 16. They love her and she's close to retirement, so she didn't want to start over with another family. She works part-time now and is really more like another grandmother. If you have the money to do it, it's a lovely and generous way to live.

[Anonymous]

There's no black and white to this and answers declaring black and white situations are negligible.

It's possible the parents are rich and lazy and let a nanny do their work. Sad.
It's possible the parents have other responsibilities (elderly family members, special needs kids, being chronically sick themselves etc.) that make it necessary to have extra help.
It's possible the parents had their nanny for a longer time and now she's like a family member so they keep her FOR the children, not to make their own life easier.

There are many possible reasons why a SAHM might have a nanny. Ask one yourself, THEN you might get a proper answer

[Anonymous]

Why OP, are you looking to "steal" her (calling it anything else, of course), for a fraction of the price, with your mother hovering over her shoulder?

That sounds like a bargain!!!!

Wow OP, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Anonymous]

It's also possible that these SAHMs are WAHMs. Some of them might have businesses they run out of their homes that you don't know about.

But in the end, who really cares? If it doesn't affect you or hurt anybody, then don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but I have been reading this thread intriguingly. A lot of the responses remind me of the women in the movie "The Help" in the sense that everyone had a maid, even those women whose husbands had moderate incomes. It was a reflection of their standing in society. Fast forward to 2014 or present times. You could use a similar analogy with having a nanny. Even if you don't really need one, it is the trendy thing to have since most of ones peers also have a nanny until the kids go off to college -- under the guise of helping the economy, like several responses cited, and to save "Hilda" from having to start over with another family.

[Anonymous]

Oh, gosh, PP. You hit the nail on the head. I had been thinking the same thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP but I have been reading this thread intriguingly. A lot of the responses remind me of the women in the movie "The Help" in the sense that everyone had a maid, even those women whose husbands had moderate incomes. It was a reflection of their standing in society. Fast forward to 2014 or present times. You could use a similar analogy with having a nanny. Even if you don't really need one, it is the trendy thing to have since most of ones peers also have a nanny until the kids go off to college -- under the guise of helping the economy, like several responses cited, and to save "Hilda" from having to start over with another family.

Interesting observation.