Why do SAHMs need a nanny when their kids are in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, middle school kids can't drive yet and many parents don't get home from work until 6pm or after with a commute. Unless the kids can walk to their after-school activities, somebody has to drive them.

The SAHM can't pick the kid up?

I pay people all the time to do things I can do just fine. Today I rode the public bus when the distance was clearly walkable, bought a loaf of bread I surely could have baked, and ordered some socks online rather than knitting them. The time I saved allowed me to sleep for a whole six hours last night, and to spend some time talking with and enjoying my teenager. Money's a little tight, but if I won the lottery tonight the very first thing I'd do is hire someone to scrub my toilets tomorrow. With the time I'd save, I think I'd get a foot massage and a pedicure.

It is very unlikely that the SAHM "needs" a nanny, just as I don't "need" storebought bread. It's likely though, that she has found some other use of her time that she values more, whether it's doing something for herself, or volunteering, or giving undivided attention to another child. Makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe mom has some sort of chronic illness?

+100

Do you really think most SAHMs with older kids have a chronic illness? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe mom has some sort of chronic illness?

+100

Do you really think most SAHMs with older kids have a chronic illness? Really?

No idea. I generally mind my own business about things that don't concern me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe mom has some sort of chronic illness?

+100

Do you really think most SAHMs with older kids have a chronic illness? Really?

Most SAHMs with older kids don't have nannies either.

People have mentioned a number of reasons why a SAHM with older children might decide to hire a nanny. A chronic or longterm illness or condition that interferes with stamina or driving or requires lots of Dr.'s visits would be one. A family member with a chronic or acute illness or condition who required attention and care would be another.

Why on Earth does it matter?

[Anonymous]

Here's why I need help: we have twins in middle school and twins in elementary school. We have a dog. My parents live with us and one has Parkinson's. My husband travels a lot for work and is currently fighting prostate cancer. Taking care of 7 people is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's why I need help: we have twins in middle school and twins in elementary school. We have a dog. My parents live with us and one has Parkinson's. My husband travels a lot for work and is currently fighting prostate cancer. Taking care of 7 people is a lot.

I'm so sorry about your parent and your husband. I don't think anyone needs a compelling reason to have help, but you certainly have one!

[Anonymous]

OP if you're so curious, you need to ask these people. If it would be inappropriate to ask them, then why bring it up on DCUM? Let's keep the level of discussion here from sinking too low.

[Anonymous]

I'm not OP but she asked a question and it appeared she received a lot of vitriol and defensive responses. Why can't people come on an anonymous forum and ask a question without being attacked. You accuse OP of not being nice but some of the responders don't seem very nice either and all the mind your business and why do you care just gives credibility to OPs question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have twins on the same team? If not the practices and games are in different places. Really what do you care? Maybe the mom is taking care of her elderly parents or is sick herself. I should add I don't have a nanny but if I had the money I would use one so that my middle schoolers are not alone at home after school. By middle school there often isn't after school care available.

OP here. I do have twins, as a matter of fact, of the opposite sex who play on different sports teams. When one has an away game and one has a home game, I go to the home game and tell the other twin I can't make it. They know I can't be all places at the same time. They ride the bus back with their teammates from away games, which they enjoy. They would be disappointed to see a nanny at a game. I chucked the nanny when they were 3 and put them in daycare once I realized the nannies congregate in the play parks and ignore the kids. And, I have an elderly parent that I help care for by providing a caregiver and check in during the week and weekends. If you can afford a nanny, you should be able to afford a caregiver. We pay extra for our kids to go to an after school program. They had an after school program in the public school as well. So, not sure where you live that after school programming is not available.

OP, wow, you are a real crackpot. Perhaps you were either a horrible employer or hired the wrong nanny. We have not had a nanny in seven years and kids are elated whenever they get the chance to see her. They would love to impress her with their athletic abilities and other talents. Unfortunately, you seem to have sent the message to your kids that you are the only on worth their attention. I would die if my children disrespected anyone who cared for them.

While you have made a set of decisions, there are other folks who prefer to employer caregivers in order that the child come home after school to study, prep for next activity, or hang out with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP but she asked a question and it appeared she received a lot of vitriol and defensive responses. Why can't people come on an anonymous forum and ask a question without being attacked. You accuse OP of not being nice but some of the responders don't seem very nice either and all the mind your business and why do you care just gives credibility to OPs question.

The OP's initial question was reasonable. Her follow up comments were fairly repugnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a.) b/c they can

b.) who cares?

+1

BTW, I'm neither a SAHM nor do I have a nanny. But I couldn't care less who has a nanny or why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't need our nanny to work with us, but it makes life less complicated and much more pleasant. We have two children, my husband travels a lot for work, I take care of my father who lives nearby, and I travel along with my husband a fair amount as well. Our children's nanny is with us half time, which allows me reliable time for appointments and meetings. I am guessing I am more engaged and outside activities than many stay-at-home parents. I am on the governing board of our children's school, am on the working boards of two non-profits, and am on two additional boards that require little more than a few meetings per year. I commit time to these organizations both because I feel it is a valuable use of my time and skills, and because it keeps me connected with professional contacts. By way of example, I am now on the boards of two former clients. So, having extra help with the kids, whether to help driving, or to allow me to attend a school or other event easily, is worth it. Also, our nanny has been with us since our first child was born. She is terrific, and adds great value to our lives. It's a good arrangement that works well for us all.

I have thought about trying to join the governing board of my child's school but I've heard you have to donate a considerable amount to the school to be on the board. How much on average do you or others on the board donate? How much do you think is expected of board members?

[Anonymous]

I've known some families who had a nanny when the children were small, and then found that they liked the nanny, could use the help for other tasks (housekeeping, errands, driving kids) and could afford it and so retained the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this is none of your business OP. As plenty of others have said, there could be "reasons" one would hire a nanny under these circumstances and many others have - rightly - said that no one needs a reason to make this choice. The choice is their's and not yours.

I'll go a step farther: why are you here to judge and put-down other women/mothers. Presumably, you aren't asking the fathers of these children why they aren't doing the afternoon shuffle to make sure the kids get to their multiple activities, are you? No. You are making the nasty and very conscious choice to slam the woman/mother here even when you haven't a clue about the totality of her responsibilities, issues, dependents, projects, etc.
You are quite simply a mean lady. Sadly, the mean ladies among us are the ones who ensure that the endless juggling act for women continues to be ever harder than it has to be.

[Anonymous]

Judging others is not a nice trait. Here is what I know. I have two children with LDs, tutors, instruments, many sports. I also volunteer a lot and keep the house and our lives together. My husband travels and it helps to have an extra set of hands from 330-7 or so. That's what we do 4 days a week (no real need on Fridays). I don't hesitate to get help on weekends my husband is traveling or when I would like to get out for a girls night out. That's how we make it work. My children are hardly being raised by nannies.