I hate my best friend's kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

But as the mother of a somewhat challenging child, do you intervene, redirect, discipline, or do something to try to curb your son's behavior if he is rude or mean to another kid? Are you actively trying to help him get a handle on his behaviors?

If so then your friends are likely to see that and respect that, and still keep getting together with you.

If not, then honestly you are showing a lack of respect to your friends and their children by subjecting them to your child's challenging behaviors without comment or correction and I would not be surprised if the stopped spending time with you due to that.

+1
If I see acknowledgement and effort on the part of the parent with the challenging child, I will not shun you. OP described a clueless parent, and those folks drive me crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

Consider yourself lucky. They will raise self centered children anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

Do your son a favor and don't be in denial and stay on top of his behavior. BE THE PARENT and you will be fine. You are correct in assuming if your son does not learn how to be a nice person, he will not have friends. People who are assholes don't have friends. Guide your boy.

Surely you are intelligent enough to realize that people are referring to parents of kids who don't parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your son a favor and don't be in denial and stay on top of his behavior. BE THE PARENT and you will be fine.

I'm the PP from page 4 who suggested OP tell her BF when there are incidents. OP's situation underscores that "being the parent" means knowing (or finding out? how do you do that without friends to tell you?) what your child is doing out of your presence. OP said: "I am actually shocked that BF's kid is such a brat. She puts huge emphasis on manners and discipline. That is how BF was raised. Her DD is very well-mannered (please, thank you), when mom is watching."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

OP here.

Good question. The short answer is no, but what else could it be? I am actually shocked that BF's kid is such a brat. She puts huge emphasis on manners and discipline. That is how BF was raised. Her DD is very well-mannered (please, thank you), when mom is watching. However, BF's DH is kind of a dick. He is also the King of Idle Threats. I think he thinks it is funny when DD bullies other kids, like she is "tough"

Her behavior isn't extreme (physical, well, except for the occasional hair pull) but it is not how I raise my kids and don't want them to be subjected her behavoir.

Hasn't impacted our relationship yet. BF and I go out to dinner every now and then. We both work (and she has an extremely demanding job) so she is very busy. She does invite us to stay at their ski house in the winter but I declined once this year becuase I don't want my DDs subjected to her DD for a whole weekend so I miss that time with her (we used to go skiing all the time for years together at her place) but other than that, we chalk it up to being busy.

For those who suggest saying something - yes, she is my BF of 25 years, but I still don't feel right saying "Hey, I think your DD is really mean". ANy suggestions on how to approach it?

And I do call out BF's DD's bad behavior when I see it. It usually results in her rolling her eyes and sulking away, but never changes anything.

Frankly, OP, it is your friend that is the problem. It sounds like this little girl really needs her mom's attention, but mommy is too busy with her extremely demanding job, not to mention her ski house, to notice. Why would you want a person like that in your life?

Actually, it sounds like Dad might be the problem. Let's not make this all mom's doing.

[Anonymous]

Is there trouble or dysfunction in your friend's house? Sometimes kids who act like that come from dysfunctional homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at a family/childrens event the other day when I saw from a distance that my child was acting up, age 7. I was walking over to my child when another parent who was by my child stepped in and firmly told my child to stop. My child listened. As I finally got there, I said thanks, and we started chit chatting. I know some people don't like to discipline other kids but for me, I love it. Don't be scared to step in and say something.

I'm afraid you're an exception. A few years ago, we were at a playground that had a tent covering. An older kid was hanging/swinging on the crossbars on the tent. I kept looking around for the parent but couldn't find anyone that seemed to be watching him so after a while I told him it wasn't safe to be hanging on the crossbars and he needed to get off them. I wasn't mean or angry or anything, just matter of fact. Seconds later his dad comes over to me and reads me the riot act. I just looked at him and said hanging on the crossbars could bring the tent down on the kids underneath. I mean, come on! Only a fool (or a kid) would think it was okay to swing on the bars that are holding the tent up! And, if he's big enough to grab onto the bars, he's probably too big for that playground!

[Anonymous]

OMG People,
Cutting the monkey = acting out, being bad, acting a fool, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG People,
Cutting the monkey = acting out, being bad, acting a fool, etc

LOL. Didn't the clip of the monkey cutting up establish that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

Spare me. You aren't being shunned because your child is challenging, you're being shunned because of your failure to manage your child's behavior.

Two of my three kids have SN, the youngest, in particular, can be challenging. I haven't noticed us being 'shunned' because we're on top of my DS's behavior and the other kids and their parents know what our rules are. If behavior is inappropriate, it's called out and there are consequences. Yes, it can be a hassle but when everyone knows what's expected, it's pretty tolerable. The older kids feel empowered and are far more tolerant and guiding than they would be otherwise. If it gets out of hand, I'm informed and take action. And, I make sure I and the other kids have time with our friends without my challenging youngest child. The friends I've made since my youngest was diagnosed tend to have SN kids but we certainly haven't lost any of our old friends. My friends with SN kids have similar parenting styles and are on top of behaviors as we are. That makes me willing to be part of their circle.

I don't blame the OP for wanting to avoid her BF's child. She sounds awful. I've got limited energy and I wouldn't choose to spend it in those kinds of gatherings. It would cost me more than it's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

Spare me. You aren't being shunned because your child is challenging, you're being shunned because of your failure to manage your child's behavior.

Two of my three kids have SN, the youngest, in particular, can be challenging. I haven't noticed us being 'shunned' because we're on top of my DS's behavior and the other kids and their parents know what our rules are. If behavior is inappropriate, it's called out and there are consequences. Yes, it can be a hassle but when everyone knows what's expected, it's pretty tolerable. The older kids feel empowered and are far more tolerant and guiding than they would be otherwise. If it gets out of hand, I'm informed and take action. And, I make sure I and the other kids have time with our friends without my challenging youngest child. The friends I've made since my youngest was diagnosed tend to have SN kids but we certainly haven't lost any of our old friends. My friends with SN kids have similar parenting styles and are on top of behaviors as we are. That makes me willing to be part of their circle.

I don't blame the OP for wanting to avoid her BF's child. She sounds awful. I've got limited energy and I wouldn't choose to spend it in those kinds of gatherings. It would cost me more than it's worth.

That doesn't mean they don't talk about avoiding you or actually sob is you and you don't know about it.

Quite frankly, more that likely, somebody us avoiding you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

Spare me. You aren't being shunned because your child is challenging, you're being shunned because of your failure to manage your child's behavior.

Two of my three kids have SN, the youngest, in particular, can be challenging. I haven't noticed us being 'shunned' because we're on top of my DS's behavior and the other kids and their parents know what our rules are. If behavior is inappropriate, it's called out and there are consequences. Yes, it can be a hassle but when everyone knows what's expected, it's pretty tolerable. The older kids feel empowered and are far more tolerant and guiding than they would be otherwise. If it gets out of hand, I'm informed and take action. And, I make sure I and the other kids have time with our friends without my challenging youngest child. The friends I've made since my youngest was diagnosed tend to have SN kids but we certainly haven't lost any of our old friends. My friends with SN kids have similar parenting styles and are on top of behaviors as we are. That makes me willing to be part of their circle.

I don't blame the OP for wanting to avoid her BF's child. She sounds awful. I've got limited energy and I wouldn't choose to spend it in those kinds of gatherings. It would cost me more than it's worth.

So what you are saying is it is really the OP's bff's fault. Not the girl's fault. Because if her mom was 'managing' her better, people would still be willing to spend time with the girl. I don't know if that is entirely true, but I am the poster who said my son is challenging, and yes, just to clarify, I definitely keep a close eye on him. Though he is not acting out in mean ways, just a handful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a somewhat challenging child, it makes me sad to hear that people are going to shun me and my son because of it.

But as the mother of a somewhat challenging child, do you intervene, redirect, discipline, or do something to try to curb your son's behavior if he is rude or mean to another kid? Are you actively trying to help him get a handle on his behaviors?

If so then your friends are likely to see that and respect that, and still keep getting together with you.

If not, then honestly you are showing a lack of respect to your friends and their children by subjecting them to your child's challenging behaviors without comment or correction and I would not be surprised if the stopped spending time with you due to that.

+1
If I see acknowledgement and effort on the part of the parent with the challenging child, I will not shun you. OP described a clueless parent, and those folks drive me crazy!

[phone]

NP here. You know WHY they drive other parents crazy? Since you act like you are supposedly "shocked"? Because we see you as lazy, and/or your child is an awful influence on other children.

No other parent wants to be subjected to it, over and over again. You label other parents "helicopter" (or whatever), but in reality, you just don't want to parent. Period. You keep coming up with excuses, and we are tired of it. Yo are doing NOTHING to help your child get through life, as long as you do not redirect, correct, discipline or something (!!!!) or do what is APPROPRIATE for the situation - i.e.: parent.

Imagine that, actually parenting will allow you to keep friends, if that is something that interests you.

[Anonymous]

And 21:36 NAILED IT.

Any energy I do have is not for your children, but for my own.

[Anonymous]

I would discipline the child in front of my friend. Honestly if it's that bad then I have no shame doing so for the benefit of others. If my friend then decides I'm too much of a square then the situation fixes itself naturally. Either the behavior improves or we see less of each other.