I hate my best friend's kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

-1

That little girl sounds like an asshole and the mother sounds completely oblivious.

-2

I will never understand why some parents think that you and your child should be the training ground for other children's bad behavior when that child's parent ignores their behavior. A bad behaving child is often tolerable if their parent stays on top of them with correction.

The point I got from that is that your children will eventually be around other people who behave badly. The examples given don't represent any physical harm to OP's kids, and I would see it as an opporunity to teach them how to react when others misbehave. Being able to get along with a difficult person is a very useful skill.

Although in OP's place, I would be talking to the mom/my friend ASAP, along the lines of "WTF is wrong with your kid?"

I would not expose my children intentionally to this child to " teach her a lesson" my children are exposed to enought at school and in sports and they can learn to navigate bullies there. On my watch, being at home or with me will be a place of comfort and love. No need to pile on.

BTW, I dontwork with bullies and do quite well in life. I don't tolerate nastiness out of people. It is not a skill I developed and it has served me well. I've emerged a leader being intolerant of ugly people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate. Do not subject your child to monster girl.

My kid is well-behaved and easygoing. As pp said, he is viewed as good buddy material for everyone else's ill-behaved child. Teachers sit the troubled kid next to him hoping his good influence rubs off. That is all well and good except at some point I feel my child isn't being allowed to express that he would rather not be the assigned buddy in class or on playdates. Even I pushed him for too long into those situations. Now if he's OK with it we go with it, but I don't force him to endure someone who is disrespectful to him (regardless of their situation) if he would rather not. He'll have a whole life of being in these situations without his own parent setting them up regularly.

My teachers did this, too. I was quiet and studious and never disruptive in class, so they sat me next to the loud kids hoping I would sort of diffuse their rowdiness. I would come home crying that my teacher hated me because she always made me sit with the bad kids.

While I agree that kids do need to learn to deal with bratty kids, one way that you deal with obnoxious people is to minimize your contact with them. I wouldn't make my kids spend time with a truly mean child just to teach them a lesson about dealing with mean people. Maybe just make it clear to your girls that they are not obligated to play with the mean girl at all, and you will back them up on this. Because the mean girl, too, needs to learn that if she's nasty, people won't want to play with her. And yeah, I wouldn't subject my kids to that every often.

[Anonymous]

Your friend sucks as a parent. Her DD is a reflection of her non-parenting. It will only get worse.

Start planning adult only get together and if she questions tell her the truth matter of fact , your DDs only like to do play dates with friends and they don't consider her DD a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

Total B.S. Why subject your kid to asshole kids just because you want to remain friends with someone. My mother's BFF had a son and we were the same age. He was the meanest, nastiest, ugliest, most awful person I've ever known. Whenever we were in situations where are mothers were together, my mother always kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't torturing me. As soon as he looked liked he was going to do something nutty, my mother was in his face. He was so, so, so, so, so mean to EVERYONE. My mother was the only one who got in his face and threatened to kick his ass if he touched me. He spit a louie on me once and my mother pinched him so hard that he cried. He never bothered me after that. You know what... his mother NEVER got mad at my mother. I think secretly she was happy that someone was dealing with him.

Fast forward... he was shot and killed about 15 years ago so karma really did come back on him. He was a despicable human being. I can only imagine what his life would be like now if he had lived to be 40.

I could have written this post, except my mom did nothing to intervene her friend's son's nasty behavior. I have memories of my mom and the friend going out and leaving me and the crazy son alone for what seemed like HOURS. The entire time I spent running away from him, fighting him off, praying for my mom and her friend to return. It was awful. Thankfully, the friend and son lived far enough away that we only saw them a few times a year, but still. To this day, I feel a little resentful that my mom didn't do more to protect me. Everybody knew that little boy was crazy. We're in our 30s now and that crazy little boy became a crazy man who's been to jail several times for all kinds of charges, assault, distribution of drugs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I could have written this post, except my mom did nothing to intervene her friend's son's nasty behavior. I have memories of my mom and the friend going out and leaving me and the crazy son alone for what seemed like HOURS. The entire time I spent running away from him, fighting him off, praying for my mom and her friend to return. It was awful. Thankfully, the friend and son lived far enough away that we only saw them a few times a year, but still. To this day, I feel a little resentful that my mom didn't do more to protect me. Everybody knew that little boy was crazy. We're in our 30s now and that crazy little boy became a crazy man who's been to jail several times for all kinds of charges, assault, distribution of drugs, etc.

Similar experience. It's one thing to want your child to acclimate to their environment. It's another thing to senselessly subject them to a monster child. It's abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Start planning adult only get together and if she questions tell her the truth matter of fact , your DDs only like to do play dates with friends and they don't consider her DD a friend.

Great advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to your children to subject to this girl so that you can socialize. It's not school or some other place where they just have to deal.

Time to limit the friendship to adults only activities. Maybe the girl will grow out of her brattiness in time, but until then, limit the children's interaction.

Bummer, OP.

+1

OP, do you ever call the girl out on her behavior? Not that it's your job, necessarily, but I'm wondering if you do. "Hey, Larla, around here we try to be good sports; we don't call other people 'loser.'" You should just hang out with your friend without the kids, and if she asks just say that the girls seem like they don't get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

I disagree with this. I would not want my kids playing with this girl because it becomes a silent acceptance of behavior. I would suggest that OP does things with her friend without kids involved. This is what I do with my friend who has bratty spoiled children. My friend's child was stealing money from our house. He is 7! I do not want this around my kid. We do things without the kids, which is much more fun anyway because we get uninterrupted time to talk.

[Anonymous]

Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to your children to subject to this girl so that you can socialize. It's not school or some other place where they just have to deal.

Time to limit the friendship to adults only activities. Maybe the girl will grow out of her brattiness in time, but until then, limit the children's interaction.

Bummer, OP.

Totally agree. My bff's son was and still is a jerk. I have always limited my time to adult time only. I have always arranged for my kids to do something with other friends or hang out with family. BFF understands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your kids have to deal with the fact they sometimes have to deal with a situation is not to their liking.

Or

2. You teach them the world revolves around them and dump your friend.

Total B.S. Why subject your kid to asshole kids just because you want to remain friends with someone. My mother's BFF had a son and we were the same age. He was the meanest, nastiest, ugliest, most awful person I've ever known. Whenever we were in situations where are mothers were together, my mother always kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't torturing me. As soon as he looked liked he was going to do something nutty, my mother was in his face. He was so, so, so, so, so mean to EVERYONE. My mother was the only one who got in his face and threatened to kick his ass if he touched me. He spit a louie on me once and my mother pinched him so hard that he cried. He never bothered me after that. You know what... his mother NEVER got mad at my mother. I think secretly she was happy that someone was dealing with him.

Fast forward... he was shot and killed about 15 years ago so karma really did come back on him. He was a despicable human being. I can only imagine what his life would be like now if he had lived to be 40.

I know you are going to get crap from folks sayiong your mom was abusive by pinching him but, I have to say, GOOD FOR YOUR MOM. You are really fortunate to have had a mom who stuck up for you, really stuck up for you. That is rare.

p.s.- hocking a lougie on someone is wayyyy worse than pinching anyway - spreads germs and is beyond foul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

OP here.

Good question. The short answer is no, but what else could it be? I am actually shocked that BF's kid is such a brat. She puts huge emphasis on manners and discipline. That is how BF was raised. Her DD is very well-mannered (please, thank you), when mom is watching. However, BF's DH is kind of a dick. He is also the King of Idle Threats. I think he thinks it is funny when DD bullies other kids, like she is "tough"

Her behavior isn't extreme (physical, well, except for the occasional hair pull) but it is not how I raise my kids and don't want them to be subjected her behavoir.

Hasn't impacted our relationship yet. BF and I go out to dinner every now and then. We both work (and she has an extremely demanding job) so she is very busy. She does invite us to stay at their ski house in the winter but I declined once this year becuase I don't want my DDs subjected to her DD for a whole weekend so I miss that time with her (we used to go skiing all the time for years together at her place) but other than that, we chalk it up to being busy.

For those who suggest saying something - yes, she is my BF of 25 years, but I still don't feel right saying "Hey, I think your DD is really mean". ANy suggestions on how to approach it?

And I do call out BF's DD's bad behavior when I see it. It usually results in her rolling her eyes and sulking away, but never changes anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

I am the PP with the friend whose child was stealing money. I like her as a person. I disagree with her parenting 100%! We are polar opposites about parenting. I avoid parenting discussions or will just disagree with her if we discuss parenting. I tend to be a laid-back person and accept that other people make different choices. I also would tell her, if she asked, why we aren't doing play dates much anymore. My kids don't really like her kids. They dislike the bad behavior and my friend's need to control her children's environment (micromanage play and discussions). I hope they are just going through a phase, which many kids do, but given her parenting style it's unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

You will face it probably a few times and it is very awkward. My son now does not want to invite my close friends child who happens to also be his classmate to his birthday party due to the kids being a royal brat. Totally awkward.

The sad thing is if these parents don't reign in their kids behavior the kids will have no friends. This is what is happing with my friend's son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. NP here read through everything and think you have sound advice. But does the stealing, bratty, mean, aggressive child of your BF make you question the parenting/maturity level of your BF? Or ever impact the alone time you want to spend with her? Where is the child learning behavior?

I ask because I'm a new parent and haven't faced anything like this, hopefully won't have to when DD is bigger, but curious to know PPs thoughts on if friendships stay strong when you pull back because of bratty bad ass children, or if moms/BFFs get offended.

OP here.

Good question. The short answer is no, but what else could it be? I am actually shocked that BF's kid is such a brat. She puts huge emphasis on manners and discipline. That is how BF was raised. Her DD is very well-mannered (please, thank you), when mom is watching. However, BF's DH is kind of a dick. He is also the King of Idle Threats. I think he thinks it is funny when DD bullies other kids, like she is "tough"

Her behavior isn't extreme (physical, well, except for the occasional hair pull) but it is not how I raise my kids and don't want them to be subjected her behavoir.

Hasn't impacted our relationship yet. BF and I go out to dinner every now and then. We both work (and she has an extremely demanding job) so she is very busy. She does invite us to stay at their ski house in the winter but I declined once this year becuase I don't want my DDs subjected to her DD for a whole weekend so I miss that time with her (we used to go skiing all the time for years together at her place) but other than that, we chalk it up to being busy.

For those who suggest saying something - yes, she is my BF of 25 years, but I still don't feel right saying "Hey, I think your DD is really mean". ANy suggestions on how to approach it?

And I do call out BF's DD's bad behavior when I see it. It usually results in her rolling her eyes and sulking away, but never changes anything.

She knows her child is a brat. She probably doesn't know how to address/correct the situation. I would never approach the topic with her, let her bring it up. There could be many reasons the girl is exhibiting this behavior.