Do you get envious of women in happy marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes, I do as well.

Sometimes when my husband and I have one of our "disagreements" we'll end up having to go out with others, and we pretend nothing is wrong.

I have two thoughts - how many other people here are pretending they are happily married? OR, why am I the only one here pretending I am happily married? Why can't we have what THEY have.

It's a lonely feeling.

Wow, PP, this is EXACTLY how I feel.

I look at other peoples' husbands and think how much kinder and more supportive they are than mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

Seems like that's the case on DCUM, but we have a 2.5yo and a 9mo, and we're sort of besotted with each other. I love my little guys, but my favorite thing in the world is curling up next to him to chat and watch tv after they've gone to bed. He honestly makes me a better person; I hope I do the same.

Same here, we have a 5 year old and a three year old and even when are sometimes over-exhausted and arguing, parenting with him is so much fun.

I'm guessing you both SAHM? The well defined roles for each parent makes for much easier relations, because there is a lot less negotiation, and overall a lot less labor to be done (since there is no WOHM job to be done A.T. A.L.L.). Most likely in this scenario, I'm assuming money is not an issue either, otherwise you would feel compelled to work.

To the husband's benefit, when the SAHM is home alone, they are generally interacting mostly with children and maybe other moms; DH is the first male they might really talk to all day, and this adult time seems even more special and fun and like a break from the day (rather than WOH where everyone has already had plenty of grown-up time).

Not PPs, but I feel the same way about my spouse and we both work full time with our kids in daycare. There's not enough time or money to go around--we can't even swing a twice-a-month housecleaner. He's an amazing dad and we love spending time with the kids, but the limited time we get alone together is what really keeps me going. We both pitch in on after-bedtime chores so we can get it all done quickly and just hang out.

We've been married 7 years, and have had at least our fair share of struggles. But really liking each other and generally being easy-going people goes a long way toward a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. I don't really like my husband. He's a very laid back messy introvert with a lower sex drive than I have. His idea of fun is to do as little as possible. He's not a bad guy but we're just really different.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I love my husband but he's put me through a lot over the course of the last 10 years. He's a great father, but not a great earner. We have grown into very different people. He loves to drink beer and watch TV (wasn't always like that). I want more from life than that. It causes a lot of stress in our family.

We put on a happy face for our friends and people always comment that we have the "perfect family" ... It's a lonely place to be.

[Anonymous]

OMG, OP, I understand and hear ya! And I have to just comment on how your OP was one probably looking for commiseration and you end up getting page after page after page of women telling you they are in a happy marriage. Sorry - I'm sure when you posted that you're jealous of women in happy marriages you didn't want to get a slew of women bragging about how they are in happy marriages. Get real, posters!! She didn't ask "Are you in a happy marriage?" She doesn't want to hear that!!!! Jeez!!!! rub it in much???

[Anonymous]

I do. I have posted before. I can not stand women in happy marriages. I am in an old fashioned marriage. No one better come along happy and enjoying life. I will drive them out of the neighborhood. Just like I did to one neighbor with the perfect life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. I have posted before. I can not stand women in happy marriages. I am in an old fashioned marriage. No one better come along happy and enjoying life. I will drive them out of the neighborhood. Just like I did to one neighbor with the perfect life.

To the bold---wtf???

[Anonymous]

I do. I'm a single mom, and it would be really nice to have a partner (not just a coparent with a little custody) for a lot of things. It would definitely help financially, and it would be nice to have another adult around to talk to sometimes. I have plenty of friends, and that helps a lot, but at night after my daughter goes to bed, it's just me. Plus it would be cool to have sex without having to go through the stress of dating.

I would rather be single than in an unhappy relationship, though, and I've seen a lot of those around me. Single definitely has its perks.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do envy them. I have a husband but not a partner if that makes sense. We are completely different people and not in a good way. I guess I'm not unhappy but I certainly envy those in marriages where love abounds and who are married to their best friends.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I am single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been jealous in the past, and totally empathize with people who are sad or lonely in their marriages. It is way less lonely to sit on a couch alone every night, than it is to sit next to someone on the same couch that is totally disconnected from you. I'd rather just enjoy the solitude of being alone than trying to connect with someone a million miles away.

I got engaged, started planning my wedding, then started to have reservations. Then I found out I was pregnant.

We decided to go through with the pregnancy, moved our wedding way up, and started our "life". Everything felt like it was on hyperdrive, and I was constantly mentally trying to S-L-O-W it all down, felt so overwhelmed, and was miserable for a long time in my marriage. Honestly, if it hadn't been for my DC, I would have walked my ass out the door without a backward glanceX10 everyday of our first 2 years of marriage. For the next 3 or so, I cannot say that I ever felt close to my DH or happy with my marriage. We still are so different in many ways. None of our issues stemmed from violent behavior, substance abuse, or emotional cruelty (those are true deal breakers and should be for everyone). But we were like angry, resentful ships in the night, and I thought we could never be happy. I was truly in a miserable, loveless, sexless (I'm talking at least a year between sex at times) marriage.

But i can truly say that i am very happy and fulfilled in my marriage today. We actually decided to have another DC after 6 years together, which most of the beginning of our marriage I would have bet was an impossibility. My DH makes me laugh everyday, I am happy to be his wife now, and I seriously love having our family. That doesn't mean he doesn't annoy the crap out of me at times too, but if we were able to weather the initial handful of years, I kind of feel like the rest becomes easier. I don't recommend this for everyone or anyone, because who knows what will happen. I only say all this to offer hope to people that still want to find love with their spouse (which I had almost zero interest in most of the time).

So what's my point? It's that I think it's rare for anyone to have a fully happy marriage from day one to the end. Everyone hits hideous rough patches. And you can truly find happiness in marriages that have been horribly unhappy at times.

Can you share how you two reconnected? How you went from zero interest from wanting to still find love in your husband to being happy with him again?

Dh and I started off similar, then there were long stretches of just surviving. We had multiple moves, a baby and a toddler, him gone a lot for work. Now I just feel like I've checked out. We're kind to each other, we have sex every couple weeks, I love him I just don't feel "in" love. He's a wonderful person, a good dad, and I really want us to work. I'm just not sure how because we are such different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. I'm a single mom, and it would be really nice to have a partner (not just a coparent with a little custody) for a lot of things. It would definitely help financially, and it would be nice to have another adult around to talk to sometimes. I have plenty of friends, and that helps a lot, but at night after my daughter goes to bed, it's just me. Plus it would be cool to have sex without having to go through the stress of dating.

I would rather be single than in an unhappy relationship, though, and I've seen a lot of those around me. Single definitely has its perks.

Just because I'm married doesn't mean I have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

Seems like that's the case on DCUM, but we have a 2.5yo and a 9mo, and we're sort of besotted with each other. I love my little guys, but my favorite thing in the world is curling up next to him to chat and watch tv after they've gone to bed. He honestly makes me a better person; I hope I do the same.

Same here, we have a 5 year old and a three year old and even when are sometimes over-exhausted and arguing, parenting with him is so much fun.

I'm guessing you both SAHM? The well defined roles for each parent makes for much easier relations, because there is a lot less negotiation, and overall a lot less labor to be done (since there is no WOHM job to be done A.T. A.L.L.). Most likely in this scenario, I'm assuming money is not an issue either, otherwise you would feel compelled to work.

To the husband's benefit, when the SAHM is home alone, they are generally interacting mostly with children and maybe other moms; DH is the first male they might really talk to all day, and this adult time seems even more special and fun and like a break from the day (rather than WOH where everyone has already had plenty of grown-up time).

You're an idiot if you think that the only "adult" and "grown-up" time SAHMs have is with their husbands at the end of the day, and it is "special and fun and like a break from the day".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do. I have posted before. I can not stand women in happy marriages. I am in an old fashioned marriage. No one better come along happy and enjoying life. I will drive them out of the neighborhood. Just like I did to one neighbor with the perfect life.

To the bold---wtf???

This is the SAHM poster who is proud of being the neighborhood bully.

I think she lives in a fantasy world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do. I have posted before. I can not stand women in happy marriages. I am in an old fashioned marriage. No one better come along happy and enjoying life. I will drive them out of the neighborhood. Just like I did to one neighbor with the perfect life.

To the bold---wtf???

This is the SAHM poster who is proud of being the neighborhood bully.

I think she lives in a fantasy world.

I think I saw you on 20/20.