Do you get envious of women in happy marriages?

[Anonymous]

I assume everyone is happily married. And yes, I'm shocked when people divorce. I don't envy overall marriages.

I might envy certain things couples do together. I wish my husband liked biking, for example, and always think it's cool when I see couples biking together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm also in a happy marriage, but don't go around rubbing it in. My DH is also an awesome dad, always the coach, so patient with the kids and I've had friends tellme that when they see my DH Iinteract with our kids and the boys he coaches, it makes them sad that their own DHs fall short.

I'm not bothered by other women bitching. They are just trying to vent. It makes people feel better when they can unload. I just try to be a good friend and listen. Sometimes i exaggerate my DHs faults in order to help them feel better about their own situation.

Just be grateful you married a keeper. I know I am. If my DH died I would be crushed. My world would fall apart. I'm deeply in love with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm also in a happy marriage, but don't go around rubbing it in. My DH is also an awesome dad, always the coach, so patient with the kids and I've had friends tellme that when they see my DH Iinteract with our kids and the boys he coaches, it makes them sad that their own DHs fall short.

I'm not bothered by other women bitching. They are just trying to vent. It makes people feel better when they can unload. I just try to be a good friend and listen. Sometimes i exaggerate my DHs faults in order to help them feel better about their own situation.

Just be grateful you married a keeper. I know I am. If my DH died I would be crushed. My world would fall apart. I'm deeply in love with him.

just wanted to note--that does not always make a great husband. I know a lot of dads that are this way with kids and the kids they coach, but are awful husbands. You can get both. My dad was definitely both. Women are quick to think that means he must be a good DH too--this is not always the case. The soccer moms are then shocked when the marriage falls apart and assume it must be the wife's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

+1 Though I am heartbroken that my BIL and SIL are separating. She called on Sunday to ask my thoughts on how to make things better. They are great people, but both are unhappily married.

My tips for happiness-
- don't try to change the person/accept him or her faults and all
- let things go. Do not let minor issues turn into major issues
- do not be passive aggressive. Say what you mean, mean what you say
- be kind. Name calling, trying to discuss things while angry or any kind of abuse is never acceptable.
- be emotionally and physically present each day (even traveling spouses can be present via text, email or webchat)
- if you forgive, make sure you don't hold the issue over his/her head. No one deserves to have a mistake thrown in their face for the rest of their life.

- also accept that some people are not meant to be married. You cannot force puzzle pieces to fit together.

I agree with these tips, and I would add one along the same lines: compromise. A lot. Most things are not worth getting upset about, or demanding that they be done your way. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm also in a happy marriage, but don't go around rubbing it in. My DH is also an awesome dad, always the coach, so patient with the kids and I've had friends tellme that when they see my DH Iinteract with our kids and the boys he coaches, it makes them sad that their own DHs fall short.

I'm not bothered by other women bitching. They are just trying to vent. It makes people feel better when they can unload. I just try to be a good friend and listen. Sometimes i exaggerate my DHs faults in order to help them feel better about their own situation.

Just be grateful you married a keeper. I know I am. If my DH died I would be crushed. My world would fall apart. I'm deeply in love with him.

just wanted to note--that does not always make a great husband. I know a lot of dads that are this way with kids and the kids they coach, but are awful husbands. You can get both. My dad was definitely both. Women are quick to think that means he must be a good DH too--this is not always the case. The soccer moms are then shocked when the marriage falls apart and assume it must be the wife's fault.

I meant my dad was excellent coach, husband and father...but we had some other dads growing up that weren't so good on the homefront as husbands but great with kids/coaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm also in a happy marriage, but don't go around rubbing it in. My DH is also an awesome dad, always the coach, so patient with the kids and I've had friends tellme that when they see my DH Iinteract with our kids and the boys he coaches, it makes them sad that their own DHs fall short.

I'm not bothered by other women bitching. They are just trying to vent. It makes people feel better when they can unload. I just try to be a good friend and listen. Sometimes i exaggerate my DHs faults in order to help them feel better about their own situation.

Just be grateful you married a keeper. I know I am. If my DH died I would be crushed. My world would fall apart. I'm deeply in love with him.

Oh I'm a good friend and listener when someone is sharing with me about her struggles. I was referring to the "Happy Hour" situation brought up by pp how it becomes a big free-for-all of husband/BF insults.

[Anonymous]

We're happy most days and genuinely in love, but we're also very transparent people so if an argument comes up as we're heading out the door to an event, we aren't really the fake it types and friends who know me know that I'm annoyed. Trying to get out the door on time to something can stress us both out so we're more likely to argue as we're headed somewhere than when we're just making hanging out as a family, so a lot of our arguments result in public grumpiness. I'm sure people assume we argue a lot, when actually we're pretty happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm glad your dh is wonderful, but some women aren't as fortunate as you are. It's not that women enjoy tearing down their husbands, but sometimes a good outlet for frustration and a sympathetic ear is necessary to maintain one's sanity.

You know the types I mean -- always ending up in the "he's so dumb, thoughtless, sloppy ..." conversation. Can't we have a discussion that doesn't come back to the "idiots" we married? As I said, my DH rocks. He's far from perfect, but I don't get any satisfaction in the routine insults.

I've only met one woman who has made personal insults against her husband. Everyone else I know is just venting. They have young kids and their husbands seem to think their job ends when they come home. They rarely do family outings, help with the kids, etc. or they have very controlling husbands who still don't help with the kids. IMO, they had legitimate complaints. I've never been in a room with a bunch of women just insulting their husbands for no reason or just to be mean. Also, most of our discussions aren't about husbands. We talk about lots of things including topics routinely seen on this forum.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a ton of women in this area not happily married. A lot like my MIL, FIL could not have given 2 craps about her, sadly. But, with her awful attitude, it is difficult to feel bad for her.

I don't want to turn into her, a bitter hag, all we can do is try. Unfortunately, I see many, many young couples that don't look so different. They are really missing out.

[Anonymous]

I used to get very jealous but then I got divorced. My second marriage is much much better. I no longer get jealous.

If you are unhappy, fix the problem. I don't mean get divorced but go into couple's therapy. Seriously, fix it and stop the jealousy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married, no pretending here. I consider myself truly, truly lucky. Eight years now.

Same here, ten years. Every day I'm grateful for my DH.

[Anonymous]

A don't know if they are or aren't happy, but I know a lot of couples who seem like they coexist -- separate interests, involved with the children but never on their own alone together, not much sex. i wouldn't be happy in a marriage like that.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all.
I'm are in a happy relationship,don't care to get married(been there, done that).
We are poor, but have two adorable baby boys who take up most of our time, and we love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A don't know if they are or aren't happy, but I know a lot of couples who seem like they coexist -- separate interests, involved with the children but never on their own alone together, not much sex. i wouldn't be happy in a marriage like that.

Agree. Some outside interests are ok. Lack of sex will destroy a marriage.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a very happy marriage, though we aren't PDA types, and if I were on Facebook I'm not the kind to post mushy notes there. It's only been eleven years (although we dated for four more before that), but it's such a nice marriage. I chalk it up totally to my husband - he's the much calmer, and frankly, better of the two of us. Plus he gets more attractive every year. I'm lucky.