Do you get envious of women in happy marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very happily married and like a PP, try to keep mum about it for the most part since many of my friends are unhappily married. They do notice the lack of tension, though, and the overall happiness and frequently comment about how they wish their marriage was that great.

On the flip side, there are qualities I see in other husbands that I wish my husband had (i.e., more outgoing and flirtatious with me).

Honestly, I have found that the ones who are very vocal about their happy relationship are either 1) In a pretty new relationship or their first "real" relationship, or 2) Are actually quite unhappy.

Agree with this. DH and I downplay our happiness because we have friends who are in unhappy relationships. Over the weekend we went out with a couple we are very good friends with. DH and I show mild PDA (hand holding, arms around each other, stealing a couple of kisses, etc) but this couple was all over each other. 2 days later they are having major issues because she caught him cheating for the 4th time.

[Anonymous]

It's a weird question because you really don't know if other people have happy marriages or not. I mean, maybe a close friend or sister or something, but most of your coworkers, neighbors, casual friends...you just don't know and you pretty much have to speculate and that seems pointless to me. Why not spend that time working to make your marriage better?

[Anonymous]

Joan Rivers advice from her mother was for a woman to 'marry down' in terms of attractiveness of her partner.

Good-looking married women married to men that are much less attractive seem to have 'or appear' to have happier marriages. It's like the guy is in disbelief he could land somebody good-looking. The women tend to call the shots and the guy does as told or worships the ground she walks on.

When the husband is more attractive or more of equal stature (and they are both good-looking) it makes for a dicier arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joan Rivers advice from her mother was for a woman to 'marry down' in terms of attractiveness of her partner.

Good-looking married women married to men that are much less attractive seem to have 'or appear' to have happier marriages. It's like the guy is in disbelief he could land somebody good-looking. The women tend to call the shots and the guy does as told or worships the ground she walks on.

When the husband is more attractive or more of equal stature (and they are both good-looking) it makes for a dicier arrangement.

I think that is horrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married, no pretending here. I consider myself truly, truly lucky. Eight years now.

same here, but 5 years.

five

lol!

ain't nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm glad your dh is wonderful, but some women aren't as fortunate as you are. It's not that women enjoy tearing down their husbands, but sometimes a good outlet for frustration and a sympathetic ear is necessary to maintain one's sanity.

[Anonymous]

Hate seeing happy lovey-dovey couples makes me wanna slap em

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joan Rivers advice from her mother was for a woman to 'marry down' in terms of attractiveness of her partner.

Good-looking married women married to men that are much less attractive seem to have 'or appear' to have happier marriages. It's like the guy is in disbelief he could land somebody good-looking. The women tend to call the shots and the guy does as told or worships the ground she walks on.

When the husband is more attractive or more of equal stature (and they are both good-looking) it makes for a dicier arrangement.

I think that is horrible advice.

huh - not the first PP - But I agree! handsome husbands, not so hot wives . . . disaster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married, no pretending here. I consider myself truly, truly lucky. Eight years now.

I'm happily married and have been married for 21 years. We haven't been happy the whole time, though. It's been up and down, depending on the circumstances. Family, kids, jobs, money all put stress on a marriage.

Maybe the people who are unhappy now will be happy in the future.

[Anonymous]

I am happily married. My husband is amazing but I am infertile. We suffer in that realm....we all have our burdens to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joan Rivers advice from her mother was for a woman to 'marry down' in terms of attractiveness of her partner.

Good-looking married women married to men that are much less attractive seem to have 'or appear' to have happier marriages. It's like the guy is in disbelief he could land somebody good-looking. The women tend to call the shots and the guy does as told or worships the ground she walks on.

When the husband is more attractive or more of equal stature (and they are both good-looking) it makes for a dicier arrangement.

I think that is horrible advice.

Oh-totally. She didn't volunteer it as something she admired about her mother. Basically, her mother always thought of her as unattractive and told her it was good when she selected her partner that he was even more unattractive.

On that note--most of the women in my neighborhood are much more attractive than their husbands and I see this dynamic a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married, no pretending here. I consider myself truly, truly lucky. Eight years now.

I'm happily married and have been married for 21 years. We haven't been happy the whole time, though. It's been up and down, depending on the circumstances. Family, kids, jobs, money all put stress on a marriage.

Maybe the people who are unhappy now will be happy in the future.

I agree. Every marriage---if it's a long one--is going to be tested. Additionally, in my circle, there are those of us that have been married 15-20 years and other that are along the 5-8 year time table. Those things also might affect how things appear to the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm glad your dh is wonderful, but some women aren't as fortunate as you are. It's not that women enjoy tearing down their husbands, but sometimes a good outlet for frustration and a sympathetic ear is necessary to maintain one's sanity.

You know the types I mean -- always ending up in the "he's so dumb, thoughtless, sloppy ..." conversation. Can't we have a discussion that doesn't come back to the "idiots" we married? As I said, my DH rocks. He's far from perfect, but I don't get any satisfaction in the routine insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

+1 Though I am heartbroken that my BIL and SIL are separating. She called on Sunday to ask my thoughts on how to make things better. They are great people, but both are unhappily married.

My tips for happiness-
- don't try to change the person/accept him or her faults and all
- let things go. Do not let minor issues turn into major issues
- do not be passive aggressive. Say what you mean, mean what you say
- be kind. Name calling, trying to discuss things while angry or any kind of abuse is never acceptable.
- be emotionally and physically present each day (even traveling spouses can be present via text, email or webchat)
- if you forgive, make sure you don't hold the issue over his/her head. No one deserves to have a mistake thrown in their face for the rest of their life.

- also accept that some people are not meant to be married. You cannot force puzzle pieces to fit together.

NP here. Thank you for the advice! I agree with these tips. Everyone needs a spouse to be loving and accepting.