Do you wish you'd had kids earlier?
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Anonymous
| Yes. Had mine at 37, but really didnt think I wanted kids before. |
Anonymous
| I do wish that the clock wasn't ticking, but when I look back, I don't see how things would have worked any differently. Met DH at 27 (wouldn't have been ready to commit before then), married moments before 30, got preg at 34 after 9 months of trying. We needed those years as a couple to set the foundation to be a family, and we had a damn good time. Now, though, I'm looking at 38+ for the #2 that I didn't expect to want, and that kind of sucks. But the math just didn't work another way. |
Anonymous
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In a perfect dream world, I would have met my husband in college (or, more realistically, right when he moved to DC, when I was 25), we would have gotten married in our 20s, the economy wouldn't have crashed, better decisions would have been made regarding jobs and real estate, he would have been more enthusiastic about having kids, and we might have started when I was in my early 30s.
But none of that happened. Within our real-life circumstances, I don't wish we'd started earlier at all. Our first is due this summer; I'll be 36. And we still don't have "all our ducks in a row," nor do we feel entirely ready. I am wildly jealous of anyone who managed to get their lives straight enough to comfortably have kids at 28 or whatever, but at the same time, I'm happy I've had all these years to myself. |
Anonymous
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Met DH at 25, married at 29 and kids at 31 and 33. I can't picture having kids much earlier than maybe late 20's. I had finished a masters degree, had 8 years into my career, bought a house, had a 6 years with DH between dating and marriage. I don't know that the difference between 28 and 31 was that huge in terms of career or finances for me.
I don't know that there is a magical age but it is when both you and DH are ready. Kids are a lot of responsibility, they can put a strain on the marriage, they can slow down your career and they cost a lot of money. You and DH have to be ready for it. We were in a financial situation to help smooth some of the issues and far enough in our career to find jobs with some flexibility. We were ready to create a new life, literally, with each other. I would have only started earlier to make having 3 a real possibility. I didn't want to have 3 kids under the age of 5 and by the time the youngest was in school, the oldest was diagnosed with a learning issues and I knew there was a high probably we would need to spend money (or I quit my job and we make a heck of a lot less money) to help the situation. Once some of the emotional stress was eased by finding the right educational setting for the oldest, I was 40. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. There are "benefits" of having kids young and to having kids after you're more established but to hold off just for the sake of holding off? I doubt more than a handful of DCUM people really planned to have kids after 35; they just so happened to find themselves in that situation, which also meant they already had a house, paid off student loans, etc and now with hindsight, they see how that actually worked out nicely, but had they married in their mid-20s, pretty unlikely they would have waited a decade to start a family. |
Anonymous
| The human body prime child bearing age is early to mid 20s. |
Anonymous
| Nope. I waited till I was 35 because my husband and I wanted to build our careers and travel before having a baby. |
Anonymous
Thank you for this marvelous piece of advice.  I'll just step into my time machine...
Non-sarcastic reply: Why is that every time a thread like this gets going, and a bunch of people say, "Yeah, it would have been good to have started earlier, but things are fine/basically OK as they are" or "No, I'm happy I had kids when I did," someone (who invariably does not know how to spell) pops in with oh-so-helpful "facts" like this? Women can have healthy kids at 24, 34, and even 44. |
Anonymous
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No. (but I also was one of the posters that thinks regrets are useless).
I met DH at 26 (he was 25), got married at 28, traveled endlessly/lived abroad/took a sabbatical/went to all kinds of world parties/advanced in career and pooled dual income, decided at 34 to get knocked up--happened first try. I had first kid at 35 and second one a month after I turned 38. We both our fitness nuts and look and move much younger. It's been perfect. We are in are mid-40s now and life is good. I didn't miss out on a single thing in my youth and was very senior in my profession that I now have incredible workplace flexibility(WAH). We have tons of savings, etc. If I had them earlier I feel the empty nest would come up too quick. I was glad to experience a bulk of travel when I was young and could hang out with young locals at Love Parade, Oktoberfest, tomatino, etc...and see the incredible club scenes. It isn't the same type of experience when you go over for the first time when your old (which I will do too). |
Anonymous
She's talking to OP, who does not need a time machine to reach her mid-20s. Not everything is about you. |
Anonymous
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Well yes, but my ovaries wouldn't cooperate. And if they had cooperated, then I wouldn't have the kids I did; they'd be different ones, whom I'd love for sure, but it's kind of hard to have regrets over the ones I have right now. If I could go back and have them (the same ones) earlier in life then I would....except that then they would be so much older now and that would make me kind of sad.
Since we're talking about fantasies, what I'd do if I could is make me 10 years younger. My main regret is not having as many kids as I'd wanted. |
Anonymous
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No, the time was just about perfect for me I think. I was 30 for most of my pregnancy and just turned 31 when baby was born. Married at 25, which I guess is early for an attorney in DC.
I had my time paying my dues and getting to take an amazing, once-ina-lifetime assignment that would have been near impossible with a child. Now I'm established and in a family friendly job. I'm at a good place in my career, but don't have TOO much responsibility on my shoulders yet. I think it is a good time for the baby. |
Anonymous
| I had my second at 28 and I immediately felt like I had aged 10 years. I have NO IDEA how women have newborns at 40-45. |
Anonymous
I don't either! But they do! 
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Anonymous
You're tired because you have babies, not because you're old, whatever age you are when you have them. |