Do you wish you'd had kids earlier?

[Anonymous]

I had my first baby at 28 and second at 32. I think it was perfect. I studied too much biology in high school and college and was scared to have babies after 35.

What are you reading that says to wait? Autism is linked to the age of the father. Chromose issues are linked to the age of the mother. Only thing better with age is money - and honestly - I liked being on the bottom of the food chain at work with my kids. I don't think I could have handled being out for maternaity leave at my current level.

[Anonymous]

Never. I was a disaster then. I'm completely happy with my timing (mid-30's).

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 26. She's only 2 now, but so far, I'm very happy with when we had our first.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the rare before-30'ers around here. Had DC#1 at 26 and expecting DC#2 now at 29, by choice. My mom was older which partially led me to make the decision to have kids before 30, and had DH on board with it.

No major regrets on my part, and I've continued working and grad school during the last few years, although at a slower pace. It worked well for us, and I'll be able to devote myself more full-time to career (if I want) when the kids are in school.

We might not have been as financially set as waiting to have kids at 35+, but DH and I agreed we'd prefer to have kids out of the house when we were 50, and enjoy the greater disposable income and such then.

Seems like it probably works out well either way.

[Anonymous]

No. Then again, I was just over 30 when I had our child.

I had no desire to have one any younger and it would have been a real struggle to have things line up to make it work any earlier due to finances, housing, and childcare arrangements.

[Anonymous]

I had my daughter when I was 28, am 29 now. Married at 25. Kind of wish we had her a few years earlier but not a big deal. I had 13 years with my husband (we were high school sweethearts) and we traveled a fair amount, I finished grad school etc. We were ready. I do want to have at least one more child but do not want to get anywhere near the AMA age. So I would like to be done by 32 or 33 at the latest.

[Anonymous]

I started at 36, if I could do it again might start a year or 2 earlier but not significantly earlier. We are more financially secure and further in our careers (which allows for more flexibility). There's no way I was ready to have kids in my 20s, I loved the single life I lived then. My 30s-50s is for marriage and kids, and my 60s will be for fun, travel, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before 30? No. Before 35? Maybe.

I think of who I was in my 20s and I would not have been as good a parent as I am now. That said, had I started at 30-33 and not 35 I would have considered going for 3.

Note - I was 33 when I was married, so it wasn't a question of waiting for the right time as it was waiting for the right person.

This is similar to my experience. I didn't meet my husband until I was 30, married at 32, baby at 35. And I think I'm a better parent in my 30s than I would have been in my 20s--more patient, more flexible, more grounded, better perspective. In terms of energy, it would be nice to be younger, and maybe we would have had more than one kid, but in terms of everything else, I'm glad things worked out when they did.

[Anonymous]

I planned to have kids around 32 but when it was time I realized I was not with the right guy. So, I am glad that I waited. Now at 39 I have one and wish I were younger (for future kid purposes) but have no regrets about the decisions I made.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but then again it took me 3 years to get and stay pregnant. So obviously we wanted kids earlier than when we had them. That said, we were both 32 when we started TTC, about 2 years after we got married. In retrospect, I think we were, both, ready to get married and ready to have kids earlier than I thought (in both cases, it was me dragging my feet, DH was just waiting for me to make a decision).

I wanted to finish my PhD before getting married or even engaged, and I wanted to be more firmly established in my job before TTC. As it turns out, I switched jobs right when we started TTC (then again less than a year in). And I again ended up switching jobs in the second trimester of pregnancy. All of these transitions were a jump forward for me career-wise, and I'm currently with an employer that is *very* supportive of my maternity leave etc. So it turns out the career thing wasn't a big deal. And, in retrospect, finishing school before thinking about marriage didn't make a lot of sense, since we were already planning our post-graduate lives together anyway.

All of that said, at the time I did not feel ready. And I can't say that the feeling would have gone away if I had made different decisions...hindsight is 20/20, and maybe even 20/15.

My advice would be not to follow anyone's advice on the optimal time to have kids. You really have no idea how long it'll take to actually have the kid, and at the end of the day it's a lifetime commitment. Maybe you're waiting to be more financially secure now, but maybe 20 years from now your employer will go under just as you're sending your kid to college (extreme, I know, but just saying you can't prepare for everything). Have kids when you really feel that you want them. You're going to have to reorganize/reshape your life around them no matter what...so don't get too caught up in what's optimal. Obviously, I'm assuming that this advice isn't going to a 15 y.o. who hasn't finished h/s yet...but if you're asking the quesiton it's probably not.

[Anonymous]

Later, actually. I wouldn't trade my kids, but I had them at 28/30. And DH was 26/28. We never reached a high income before we had the kids.

[Anonymous]

Met DH at 27, married at 29, first kid at 32, having second at 34. While it might have been nice to meet DH earlier, I don't think we could have compacted this timeline any. And I always joke that if DH had met me any earlier, he probably wouldn't have wanted to date me. I was a bit wild. I enjoyed my time before meeting DH, so I don't know if I would want to cut out that part of my life. I'm also glad DH and I had that time before kids - it provided a very firm foundation for adding the little ones to our life. So I'm good with how it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

If I had kids in my early 30s, I wouldn't have known as much and I wanted to get my Master's first before going down the family route. When I did find my mate (I wasn't even looking), we wanted to travel the world first. That didn't happened as planned.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 28, had my first at 29, and second and 31. People thought we were crazy at the time for moving so quickly, but I am I glad we had them when we did. I had enough time to become somewhat established in my career (to the point where I was able to go part-time) and at 33, I still feel young and pretty energetic. We're on the fence about having a third, but since we had our kids on the young side (for here at least) we can take more time making that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish we'd started trying sooner, but we're talking 33 instead of 35.

+1 I enjoyed my 20s as they were. But I wish I would have started trying sooner. I'm getting worried that we might not be able to have children because we waited too long.