Do you wish you'd had kids earlier?

[Anonymous]

If you're ready now, don't "wait for the age." It's technically healthier to have kids younger (not TOO young, like in your teens, obviously). I think the advice to wait is just based on financial and personal issues like doing things for yourself beforehand, saving up money, etc.

I had my first kid at 30 (almost 31). Honestly, I do wish I had him earlier, but it wouldn't have made a huge difference. I feel like a lot of the time I invested in my career has been wasted because of the interruption in my professional career (I chose to stay home for a few years), and I wish I had done this when it hadn't been interrupted (although I realize then I might not have been as lucky to get a job and move up the ladder). If you want more than one kid, definitely start thinking about it early, but these days, many people have kids quite a bit later. There's really no "good" answer -- just what works best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like quite the odd ball for having my first at (just barely) 28. I met DH at 19 though, married him at 22, was done with grad school by 26, and we had a half dozen really solid international vacations under our belt at that point. We own a house, 2 cars, have a savings account. I wanted to wait, but I'm not sure what I wanted to wait for. I guess just not feeling like I was being judged for being "too young" anymore.

I have a feeling if I lived anywhere else, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. It's the DC mentality of 45 being more normal than 25 to have a kid that threw me for a loop.

OP here. I feel like I'm in this exact situation. I'm 28, but met my DH right out of college and we've been married for several years.

I get push back from everyone outside of DC on why we don't have kids, but everyone in DC thinks we are WAY too young. It's definitely a different mentality and I hate how I feel pulled between the two sentiments.

I was same situation as you, OP - with DH since college, married at 25. Had first kid at 30, second at 33, now 35. I think 30 was pretty right on for me and I am definitely a young parent in this area (notice it more now that my older one is in school and I see so many parents older than I am). I would not have wanted to start any later than 30 - parenting is tiring and I can't imagine doing the little kid stages in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

No. I wish I hadn't had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before 30? No. Before 35? Maybe.

I think of who I was in my 20s and I would not have been as good a parent as I am now. That said, had I started at 30-33 and not 35 I would have considered going for 3.

Note - I was 33 when I was married, so it wasn't a question of waiting for the right time as it was waiting for the right person.

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think there are many women out there who married their high/school college sweetheart and then waited until they were 37 to have kids (by choice). Conversely, not many women puposely get pregnant before they have met an ideal husband just so that they can have kids in their 20s.

In other words, most women just adjust to their life situation and then make the best out of it. I was one of those who didn't get married until my 30s so I had my kids later. I am happy with that because it allowed me to fully enjoy my 20s, establish my career, become financially secure, etc. But all those things are just the benefits of my situation, I didn't set out to do it that way. Had a I met my husband in my 20s I would have had kids earlier and I would have enjoyed the benefits that come with that.

I think the ideal for me personally would have been having my kids around 32 and 35, but oh well, it didn't happen that way and I enjoy the benefits of being an older mom instead.

[Anonymous]

Was pregnant at 27 with first and 32 with second. DH is 2 yrs older than me. I'm 34 this January and would love a third but already feel too old. DH and I married at 26/29.

[Anonymous]

I was 44 when I had my first (and probably only). That was later than I wanted, but I am blessed to even have this child so I am not complaining. I got married at 34, which was definitely good timing for me. I had worked out all kinds of relationship issues, was settled in my career path, and had traveled the world. We didn't start trying right away for a variety of reasons and by the time we did, we found out I had fibroids and I had to have two surgeries to address them. Add in time lost in having the surgeries because of fear and the recovery time before ttc, I was approaching 40 by the time we even started. We then had IF issues and did multiple IVF cycles with only miscarriages to show for it. I got pregnant naturally at 43 and consider this child to be the one I was meant to have. Should I have started in my mid-30s? Maybe - at least it would have given me the opportunity to have more than one. But, at the same time, I know I wouldn't have the child I have now and I cannot imagine my life without him.

[Anonymous]

OP here- Thank you all! It was interesting reading these responses!

[Anonymous]

Now I kind of do because now I'd love a big family (4+ kids). But, I only want the big family because we have the money to make it easier (fulltime nanny, weekly cleaners, whatever else we need). I think that if I had actually had kids in my 20s, I would be struggling more financially (or would have been at the time), which would have meant spreading the kids out more and having fewer anyway.

I want to go back to 25 with all of my experience, money, and my great DH (I was 32 when we met), and have 6 kids. But, in reality, I'll likely just stick with the three we have at 41.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think there are many women out there who married their high/school college sweetheart and then waited until they were 37 to have kids (by choice). Conversely, not many women puposely get pregnant before they have met an ideal husband just so that they can have kids in their 20s.

In other words, most women just adjust to their life situation and then make the best out of it. I was one of those who didn't get married until my 30s so I had my kids later. I am happy with that because it allowed me to fully enjoy my 20s, establish my career, become financially secure, etc. But all those things are just the benefits of my situation, I didn't set out to do it that way. Had a I met my husband in my 20s I would have had kids earlier and I would have enjoyed the benefits that come with that.

I think the ideal for me personally would have been having my kids around 32 and 35, but oh well, it didn't happen that way and I enjoy the benefits of being an older mom instead.

I agree with you, but I also think that there are plenty of women who plan their kids, and many, many women I know who had them later did so by choice. I'm the PP who met DH at 23 but didn't have my first until 32 (got pregnant first try, which was very lucky). We just weren't ready, though we could have had them earlier. I finished grad school at 29, we bought a house at 29....we just waited until we felt ready. I have some good friends who also got married later, but didn't want to have a baby right away and knew they were gambling with decreased fertility but just weren't ready. Admittedly, most of these women said they are fine with one child. I think if you want 3 kids you need to start earlier obviously.

I also know some women who envisioned having at least 3 if not 4 kids, and so started a little early and then decided they were good with two. So maybe in hindsight they would have waited....but who knows.

[Anonymous]

Before 30? no way! Before 35, yes.

[Anonymous]

Before 30. Of course not. I can't think of many educated women I know who had children before 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Before 30. Of course not. I can't think of many educated women I know who had children before 30.

8 years of post-graduate education here. 2 kids before the age of 30.

[Anonymous]

I had my first when I was 26 and when people say having kids "young" by DC standards would have hindered their career, I'm a bit puzzled. Sure, there are industries in which you have to put in 60-80 hrs/wk in the first few years to advance but clearly that's not true for all, or even most, fields. This is DC after all, where many of us work for the USG, and if you're a fed worker, you see people come in & out for months at a time for any number of reasons - rotations, TDYs, etc. Taking 12 weeks to give birth and care for a newborn, then return to a 40 hr/wk job hasn't hindered my job progression at all. In fact, I used the break to transition my portfolio to something more aligned with my interests and most of the women at my agency have used the break as an opportunity to negotiate a better contract or promotion. So you wrap up your projects before ML, have your baby, and then come back to a higher level assignment or a better gig. I see a lot of people on DCUM claim having a baby would have ruined their careers in their 30s and that just doesn't jive with what I see around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Before 30. Of course not. I can't think of many educated women I know who had children before 30.

Having a masters degree by 24 or a law degree by 25 is totally normal and you can't imagine how some one might have kids within 5-6 years of finishing their graduate degree?