Do you wish you'd had kids earlier?

[Anonymous]

yes, so that I could have had just one more! only had two, one at 36, other at 40

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I feel like quite the odd ball for having my first at (just barely) 28. I met DH at 19 though, married him at 22, was done with grad school by 26, and we had a half dozen really solid international vacations under our belt at that point. We own a house, 2 cars, have a savings account. I wanted to wait, but I'm not sure what I wanted to wait for. I guess just not feeling like I was being judged for being "too young" anymore.

I have a feeling if I lived anywhere else, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. It's the DC mentality of 45 being more normal than 25 to have a kid that threw me for a loop.


OP here. I feel like I'm in this exact situation. I'm 28, but met my DH right out of college and we've been married for several years.

I get push back from everyone outside of DC on why we don't have kids, but everyone in DC thinks we are WAY too young. It's definitely a different mentality and I hate how I feel pulled between the two sentiments.

I'm one of the other PPs who had a baby at 29, and say if you feel ready, go for it. For us, there was no compelling reason NOT to have kids at the point we were at in life, and even though we were one of the only ones of our friends to do so at the time, five years later everyone else is starting to join us. Now we're the ones they come to for advice, and we're secretely glad that they're the ones stuck in the trapped-at-home infant and toddler stage while we are emerging from the other side! Plus, especially with our first baby, it was pretty easy to maintain much of our social life. It was when the second kid came along that our life became much more kid-centric, but by that point others in our circle were having babies too.

Plus, I like the fact that I'll still be on the young side when our kids flee the nest and have children of their own.

[Anonymous]

First at 39, second at 44. Loving it!

[Anonymous]

I was 30 and 32 and it has worked well. They will both be in college when I turn 50. If I'd met my husband earlier, then I wouldve had them a couple of years earlier. I do not see any reason for you to wait.

[Anonymous]

No. Had first at 40. Perfect timing for us.

[Anonymous]

If I could have chosen, I would have started having kids in my 20s--probably late 20s. I'm 32 expecting my first now, so not that old. But we'd like to have several kids and I already feel a sense of urgency, as I have some fertility issues and really don't want to be pregnant at 39/40. Also a little concerned about DH as he is 40 now.

I didn't get too much of a choice on this because I didn't meet DH till I was 28 and we were living on different continents. No remotely good marriage prospects before him. We got married relatively quick, but waited a year to try for kids. Nice to have the together time but then we had unexpected fertility problems and it will be over two years from when we started trying when DC is born.

On the plus side: I had a lot of great experiences in my 20s: got a graduate degree, lived abroad several times and traveled a lot. Also got a great start to my career and feel like I'm in a good place work-wise to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

We had ours at 30 and 33 and that seemed to feel just right. It wasn't a question of waiting to meet someone (we had been together since college) or fertility issues, we just spent our twenties getting our careers established and doing some travelling. And we were at a much more comfortable position money wise once we started, so we were able to pay a nanny, etc... without feeling strapped. If we had started in our twenties we probably wouldn't have also been able to afford to buy a house then which we were able to build up a lot of equity in and recently sell for our forever home. Most of the parents we know (friends, parents of the kids friends) are usually always a few years to up to 10 years older than us, so we still feel like youngish parents having a second grader and pre-k kid at 37.

[Anonymous]

Mid 30's were a good time for me. 20's would have been way to early in my case. 40's would have been (would be) too exhausting for me.

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 35, pregnant again at 38. I definitely would have done it earlier if I knew then what I know now - specifically, it took three years to have the first baby and I am so tired now. I also wanted a third when I was younger, but now realize I will stop at two due, which is in large part due to my age/overall being tired. I wish I would have had kids so they would be out of the house by 50, but it didn't work out that way so I try not to dwell on it too much. I was married at 25, but totally overwhelmed by the thought of raising a child - it took me a good six years to decide I was ready for it.

[Anonymous]

Not by much. I met my husband at 23, but we didn't feel ready for kids until almost a decade later. I had my kids at 32 and 35, got pregnant very easily and had easy pregnancies. Maybe starting a year or two earlier would have been good but not before that.

To the poster that was talking about autism and other issues for older parents, the risk is only slightly greater. It's really, really small, unless you are moving into the mid to late 40s. But, women have ALWAYS had babies well into their 40s. The difference is that in older generations, they were having kid #5,6, or 7 (like both my grandmas) whereas now women are starting later and having fewer kids.

[Anonymous]

First at 31, second is going to be at 33. I feel like that was absolutely person. If we want a 3rd, I feel like we have some time, but we can sit back and think it through first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First at 31, second is going to be at 33. I feel like that was absolutely person. If we want a 3rd, I feel like we have some time, but we can sit back and think it through first.

PP here... perfect... not person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had my first at 35, pregnant again at 38. I definitely would have done it earlier if I knew then what I know now - specifically, it took three years to have the first baby and I am so tired now. I also wanted a third when I was younger, but now realize I will stop at two due, which is in large part due to my age/overall being tired. I wish I would have had kids so they would be out of the house by 50, but it didn't work out that way so I try not to dwell on it too much. I was married at 25, but totally overwhelmed by the thought of raising a child - it took me a good six years to decide I was ready for it.

I'm 47 and I'm actually glad that my kids are not even in HS, yet, and that I'll have them at home for a while. I don't really see much of a difference between having them gone at 50 or 58.

But having a kid at 25 vs. 33 would have been a HUGE difference. I was ready at 33, no way at 25.

[Anonymous]

Before 30?/ No.
Before 35? Depends.
Before 40? Yes.