Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me see if I understand. a friend comes to you and bash one of your family members to you behind her back and you not only do not defend her or bother to hear your SIL's side of the story, you take it as the truth and actually wonder if you should talk to your brother.

This.

You've clearly been harboring angst against your SIL and are just waiting for an opportunity to pounce on her. You say you've been nice to her, but she obviously sees through your fake smiles and you hate her for it. Bitch, bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me see if I understand. a friend comes to you and bash one of your family members to you behind her back and you not only do not defend her or bother to hear your SIL's side of the story, you take it as the truth and actually wonder if you should talk to your brother.

Please. The friend did not necessarily bash the SIL. The friend might just be appalled that someone from the same country of origin is behaving in ways that the friend thinks makes SIL (and by extension, friend and others from that country) appear bad. Friend might just think that it's rude to start bashing anything to someone you've only just met five seconds ago, which is the case with SIL suddenly going off on her complaints when she's only just met the friend. Friend might mostly want OP to know that "just because your SIL and I are from the same country, I don't feel the way she does about the U.S., and she was an embarrassment to other immigrants from our country if she goes on like this to us."

If I were in the friend's shoes while abroad -- if some American came up to me and, solely because we were both Americans or both English-speakers, started complaining about our host country -- I would extricate myself as quickly as possible from that rudeness (and the complainer's clear assumption that just because we're from the same country, I'm going to be a sympathetic ear). I think the friend is less concerned with ratting out SIL than with letting OP know that Friend does not feel the same way. Friend is well aware that OP heard SIL and friend talking in their native language and might have worried that OP would think (if OP already knew about SIL's complain-about-my-new-home tendencies) that friend was like that too.

[Anonymous]

Foreigner here. I agree SIL was rude, but what can you do, if you don't want to create more drama? I would let it go, but adjust my expectations of SIL.
On a side note, I find it surprising that a child in a family with one aren't being American barely speaks English. I have seen it in families where both parents are ESL, but when one is American the kids prefer English from an early age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, let me guess: your SIL is from Russia? 'cause those guys criticize this country's education ALL THE TIME.

Because it SUCKS. If I understood that before i came here and had children i would never have come. Btw I am not fom Russia and much prefer Americans to Russians.

Agreed.
OP, and your so-called 'friend' discussing your sister-in-law behind her back is pretty distasteful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC attends Russian Sunday school. You can't imagine the # of parents there who are constantly criticizing pretty much all aspects of American lifestyle. Education system is the worse. Yet when some of these children flunk a subject or two at the "dumb American school", they usually get a bit quieter.

OP, I am sorry you had to find out the hard way what your SIL really thinks about this country. It's most displeasing when people talk behind your back in your own house. I also find it rather strange that the child barely speaks English considering her father is American and it's an ideal way to raise a truly bilingual child. My DH is French-Canadian and only speaks French to DC. I speak Russian to her. She gets English at school. As a result, she's very comfortable whenever she visits her grandparents in Montreal or my parents in Moscow.

I realize that English is your not first language, but the idiom 'talking behind someone's back' implies speaking poorly about that someone, not about their country. If I understood correctly, OP's SIL did not bash her personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should shoot her.

Totally.
Stand your ground, bitch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might be disappointed in America to say the least.Many foreigners like myself had the image of "milk rivers and porridge mountains" of America.In no time I would find out that that's not the case.
When I arrived as an Au Pair, the family showed me their microwave and explained what it was.WTH! Locals and foreigners have certain misunderstandings of each other.I didn't have a heart to tell them that we have microwaves in my country.I just stood there saying how cool of an appliance it was.Anyhow, I think she is finally able to talk to her own countrymen about all the things she doesn't understand and had built up while living here. It never crossed her mind that somebody from her own country didn't share the sentiment.
Why doesn't she leave?
Why don't all those people who are is sad relationships/marriages leave or get divorced? She probably would if it were so easy, and she might once the kid is grown.
Her rant was distasteful, but at least honest.
Apologize to your guest but I wouldn't talk to her.Those are her feeling and it's hard to help her with the language barrier.
Maybe one day you can explain her why America or Americans are the way they are.I'm still wondering why wasting paper and water for example are ok here in America.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, by the way you are relating to her, OP, I would not be surprised if she isn't comfortable around you. Have some compassion for immigrants and cultural differences.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Some people think the only way to sound smart or interesting is to be critical.

My SIL is ethnically/racially the same as the rest of us, but not born in the US. She does the same thing constantly, in conversations, on FB, etc. I don't like it. I don't know why she'd pick a life that brings her here. But I've chosen to ignore it because I think it is borne out of immaturity, ignorance, and insecurities.

My only concern is that my brother kind of tries to be cooler by doing the same. I worry he is deep down becoming ashamed of his American roots.

[Anonymous]

If your SIL is that unhappy, divorce is unevitable.

[Anonymous]

Well firstly America is not perfect and she is well within her rights to comment to that effect.

Increasingly America is looking like a second rate country as the rest of the world develops. You should spend some time in China and admire their brand new infrastructure and compare it to what you have at home.

Also having been an expat for a long time, I suggest you look at how Americans behave abroad. They are very fearful and critical of their host country and try to live in an American bubble. They do not assimilate well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC attends Russian Sunday school. You can't imagine the # of parents there who are constantly criticizing pretty much all aspects of American lifestyle. Education system is the worse. Yet when some of these children flunk a subject or two at the "dumb American school", they usually get a bit quieter.

OP, I am sorry you had to find out the hard way what your SIL really thinks about this country. It's most displeasing when people talk behind your back in your own house. I also find it rather strange that the child barely speaks English considering her father is American and it's an ideal way to raise a truly bilingual child. My DH is French-Canadian and only speaks French to DC. I speak Russian to her. She gets English at school. As a result, she's very comfortable whenever she visits her grandparents in Montreal or my parents in Moscow. [/quote

We get it, you are a different kind of Russian, a unique one. The rest of them are trash-talking idiots,who will never understand the beauty of their new country. Do you feel more integrated/American by bashing your former countrymen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well firstly America is not perfect and she is well within her rights to comment to that effect.

Increasingly America is looking like a second rate country as the rest of the world develops. You should spend some time in China and admire their brand new infrastructure and compare it to what you have at home.

Also having been an expat for a long time, I suggest you look at how Americans behave abroad. They are very fearful and critical of their host country and try to live in an American bubble. They do not assimilate well.

No, they're not uniformly "very fearful and critical of their host country," etc. I've never been that; this doesn't describe many of the people I know who've traveled abroad. It's fair to say that some Americans, like some non-Americans, don't assimilate well.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is sort of similar. It's annoying, but I try to have sympathy for her. What you have to understand is that it is extremely hard to leave your home country and come to a new one. I don't know where she's from, but the US can also be a very harsh place to raise kids compared to other countries. She also doesn't have access to all the family support and resources she'd have at home. It would probably be better for her to adjust instead of just being bitter and withdrawn, but you should have sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Thank God you have your spy network to route out anti-American activity, OP.

I would start by tapping her phones. A little more evidence and you can book her a one-way ticket to Gitmo!