Reply to Foreign-born SIL bashing Americans

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, let me see if I understand. a friend comes to you and bash one of your family members to you behind her back and you not only do not defend her or bother to hear your SIL's side of the story, you take it as the truth and  actually wonder if you should talk to your brother.  [/quote]

Please. The friend did not necessarily bash the SIL. The friend might just be appalled that someone from the same country of origin is behaving in ways that the friend thinks makes SIL (and by extension, friend and others from that country) appear bad. Friend might just think that it's rude to start bashing anything to someone you've only just met five seconds ago, which is the case with SIL suddenly going off on her complaints when she's only just met the friend. Friend might mostly want OP to know that "just because your SIL and I are from the same country, I don't feel the way she does about the U.S., and she was an embarrassment to other immigrants from our country if she goes on like this to us."

If I were in the friend's shoes while abroad -- if some American came up to me and, solely because we were both Americans or both English-speakers, started complaining about our host country -- I would extricate myself as quickly as possible from that rudeness (and the complainer's clear assumption that just because we're from the same country, I'm going to be a sympathetic ear). I think the friend is less concerned with ratting out SIL than with letting OP know that Friend does not feel the same way. Friend is well aware that OP heard SIL and friend talking in their native language and might have worried that OP would think (if OP already knew about SIL's complain-about-my-new-home tendencies) that friend was like that too.
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