Speechless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room. It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief. I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

This to me is concerning. It was glitter on her face. For her to be crying for hours and for you to get chest pain over this is pretty indicative that neither of you have very good coping skills. I can see her being upset - sure but upset to the extent that you both were? Yikes. How are either of you ever going to handle anything that is bigger than glitter on her face that was intended as a prank by her best friends. You are going to end up hospitalized for mental breakdowns if something that is actually mean or bad does happen.

+1

+100. My first thought as well. I have three in college and one in high school. Your over-the-top reaction to this is a little scary. You have some really rough years ahead of you if something. like this causes your daughter to "cry for hours" and gives you "chest pains".

You and your DD both sound line drama queens.

[Anonymous]

If i was the parent of one of the other two girls I would be encouraging them to step back from their friendship with OP's daughter.

I would be fine with them being brought home early and being told that they had done something that had upset their friend. I would absolutely talk to my daughter about the importance of considering how other people might feel about something they think it funny, and of the vulnerability of doing something to someone thinking. I think there are a lot of teachable moments and opportunities for learning in a situation like this.

I would find the 3 am email, the early morning confrontation that assumed their intentions were cruel and bullying (and not asking them their reasoning first, and the inability of their friend to cope with this as big red flags that this is a friendship that is likely going to be more problems than fun. I would talk to my own daughter about how everyone is different and that some people are much , much more sensitive than others. that while this isn't a good or a bad thing that friendships with people who are extremely sensitive can be exhausting and difficult. I wouldn't stand in the way of the friendship in any way, I would just encourage my daughter to reflect on how this friendship feels to her and that is she feels she is being made out to be mean and a bully and she is always having to apologize for someone else's hurt feelings, then she should re-evaluate the friendship. I would probably also avoid having OP's daughter over as Op isn't really a mom I want to have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

This makes me think of the maxim "three is a dangerous number." When I was that age, I had two best friends and we basically spent every encounter pairing up against the third. The pairs changed at whim, but someone was always on the outs.

I would encourage your DD to stop trying to be a bridge between the other two and build separate relationships with them. Have sleepovers with just one friend.

Middle school is hell.

[Anonymous]

OP, I like how you handled this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room. It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief. I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

This to me is concerning. It was glitter on her face. For her to be crying for hours and for you to get chest pain over this is pretty indicative that neither of you have very good coping skills. I can see her being upset - sure but upset to the extent that you both were? Yikes. How are either of you ever going to handle anything that is bigger than glitter on her face that was intended as a prank by her best friends. You are going to end up hospitalized for mental breakdowns if something that is actually mean or bad does happen.

+1. I can imagine being totally ticked about it but distraught?? Chest pains!?

[Anonymous]

I agree that this was an overreaction. The 3 am email alone is just way over the top, as well as calling "defacement". If I were one of the other moms I would think you were nuts. And lost in your overreaction was an actual situation where the girl's feelings were hurt and she should have responded in proportion to the situation.

I have an older DD who is very sensitive and probably would have cried half the night as well. The worst possible thing a mom can do in such a situation is get caught up in similar emotions. The chest pains, the 3 am emails, the confrontation with the girls all speak to a far too intense emotional response by the mom no matter how calm a voice. That's part of the problem here, both mother and daughter need to learn perspective and how to control their emotions.

I am not dismissing the girl's very real hurt or excusing the other girls bad behavior. But all of that gets lost with such a massive over reaction. I think the posters who agree with me also have older kids and know what lies ahead. OP and her DD will face far greater challenges and will need to learn better ways of reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room. It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief. I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

This to me is concerning. It was glitter on her face. For her to be crying for hours and for you to get chest pain over this is pretty indicative that neither of you have very good coping skills. I can see her being upset - sure but upset to the extent that you both were? Yikes. How are either of you ever going to handle anything that is bigger than glitter on her face that was intended as a prank by her best friends. You are going to end up hospitalized for mental breakdowns if something that is actually mean or bad does happen.

About the daughter, if she felt they did this to her because they think she's ugly (original post said something about how they said she's hideous), then yes that's truly hurtful. I understand her tears.

But the mom having chest pains because of it? Makes me think she's easily worked-up and prone to drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP, who is the principal, is trying to say is we as adults have to give kids the tools to deal with these behaviors before they can actually handle them on their own. And, that includes an adult calling the behavior out and using it as a teachable moment with all parties involved. This involves explaining to the perpetrators why the behavior was inappropriate and having time alone with the targeted kid to tell them how they can address bullying behavior when and if it occurs. Kids can't learn these skills on their own and need adults to show them the right way.

Thank you. You got what I was saying.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

thanks to all of those with supportive responses. I really appreciate those in here who show kindness and lack of judgment for everyone, both for my family and for the friends.

I have to emphasize to those who are minimizing the incident as "just glitter" that as I've noted before this was not just glitter. DD did not look like herself, and the incident involved much more than mounding products all over her face and hair. I will not get into details. it was difficult to see her that way.

Some of us may be more sensitive as others, but that never justifies excusing cruel behavior, however unintended it may be.

I am sorry that DC Urban Mom at some point always gets judgmental, so I will have to stop coming back here. I am happy about how I handled the situation, and happy about how my other parents handled it as well. It was a bad incident, we dealt with it, it is behind us, and we are moving on to strengthen ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

thanks to all of those with supportive responses. I really appreciate those in here who show kindness and lack of judgment for everyone, both for my family and for the friends.

I have to emphasize to those who are minimizing the incident as "just glitter" that as I've noted before this was not just glitter. DD did not look like herself, and the incident involved much more than mounding products all over her face and hair. I will not get into details. it was difficult to see her that way.

Some of us may be more sensitive as others, but that never justifies excusing cruel behavior, however unintended it may be.

I am sorry that DC Urban Mom at some point always gets judgmental, so I will have to stop coming back here. I am happy about how I handled the situation, and happy about how my other parents handled it as well. It was a bad incident, we dealt with it, it is behind us, and we are moving on to strengthen ourselves.

You are too high-strung.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room. It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief. I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

This to me is concerning. It was glitter on her face. For her to be crying for hours and for you to get chest pain over this is pretty indicative that neither of you have very good coping skills. I can see her being upset - sure but upset to the extent that you both were? Yikes. How are either of you ever going to handle anything that is bigger than glitter on her face that was intended as a prank by her best friends. You are going to end up hospitalized for mental breakdowns if something that is actually mean or bad does happen.

About the daughter, if she felt they did this to her because they think she's ugly (original post said something about how they said she's hideous), then yes that's truly hurtful. I understand her tears.

But the mom having chest pains because of it? Makes me think she's easily worked-up and prone to drama.

That was a part of a comment that the daughter thinks she heard in the middle of the night while she was half asleep. Don't you think maybe based on that there is even a slim chance that she misunderstood the comment or took it out of context rather than it being her best friends making a proclamation that Ops daughter is ugly and hideous?

[Anonymous]

No one is excusing the behavior. There is a continuum between "it's ok" and I didn't read any posts this way, and it's bullying and defacement. At some point OP will have to learn that kind of perspective . If I was one of the other moms I would have thanked her, told her this was terrible, told my daughter not to do this again and then told my husband and friends that Missy"s mom is a nut and would steer clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you call for your helpful comments.

I did help my DD clean up, and had her sleep with me in my room. It took her until 2 am to fall asleep, as she was crying and in disbelief. I myself was so distraught I had chest pains and did not sleep until 5 am.

This to me is concerning. It was glitter on her face. For her to be crying for hours and for you to get chest pain over this is pretty indicative that neither of you have very good coping skills. I can see her being upset - sure but upset to the extent that you both were? Yikes. How are either of you ever going to handle anything that is bigger than glitter on her face that was intended as a prank by her best friends. You are going to end up hospitalized for mental breakdowns if something that is actually mean or bad does happen.

About the daughter, if she felt they did this to her because they think she's ugly (original post said something about how they said she's hideous), then yes that's truly hurtful. I understand her tears.

But the mom having chest pains because of it? Makes me think she's easily worked-up and prone to drama.

That was a part of a comment that the daughter thinks she heard in the middle of the night while she was half asleep. Don't you think maybe based on that there is even a slim chance that she misunderstood the comment or took it out of context rather than it being her best friends making a proclamation that Ops daughter is ugly and hideous?

I do, yes but I'm an adult. At 13, I would have probably let that "hideous" comment fester and cried myself to sleep too. Right or wrong, it's painful to hear your friends say you're ugly.

[Anonymous]

You really had chest pains over this?? Just wait until she gets involved with boys and her friend "steals" a boyfriend or he breaks up with her, etc.

You sound a little high strung to me. The products were mounded on her face and hair and she was so unrecognizable that you can't talk about it? I'm confused- how do you mound glitter powder, eyeshadow, lip gloss, blush all over someone's face? I'm sure your daughter felt hurt and embarrassed. I think you took the whole situation up a couple of notches. It was a prank.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, can't move past the chest pains an how it was difficult to see her like that comments.

Now you people ran we off and we won't get her over dramatic posts any longer!

Chest pains in parents during middle school must mean full mental breakdown in high school.