Is it ever reasonable for a woman to want to conceive a child with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. FWIW, considering the info at hand, I think that the probability that he is genuine in his feelings, he will divorce and he and she will marry and have a baby (in whatever order), is well above 50%. I would even say it's the most likely scenario, at some point. Of course, I can be wrong (and perhaps I am being naive).

I think you are wrong. A man who really wanted to get married and start a new life would have moved out by now. Actions matter much more than words! There is no reasonable explanation for him not moving out yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don't be such a doomsday prophet. Lots of men remarry and go on to have happy lives. Obviously a new sibling means older siblings are short changed. Inheritance is divided equally between the children.
I am sure they will all be fine.

Lots of men indeed remarry and go on to live happy lives. But not that many men disengage so quickly from his own kids (as discussed in the earlier thread about his weird plans for custody -- hence the short changing his kids) *and* agree to impregnate his new woman while still living under the same rush as his wife.

But if the timing makes sense for them, then what is wrong with it
And custody plans change as kids get older. Men do not need to disengage from their kids. Life goes on

You don't have all the background. This guy is still living at home and has shown no real signs of actually moving out. Their supposed plan is for the kids to stay with the mom FT, then dad will come stay at the house for visits. The new "wife" says she doesn't want any part in step parenting so the arrangement seems fine to her. Obviously this will become a trainwreck when the new "wife" decides she doesn't want him to leave the house for long stretches after she has the baby. And also prevents the kids from having any relationship with their half sibling - their dad would basically have a secret second family that they are not allowed to be part of. Fucked up all around.

Well now, that is a train wreck. No way would I want my kids to be in the middle of that. Sad that this lady doesn't even want to know her potential husband's kids. Crazy that a father would be okie dokie with his potential new wife shunning his kids like that. And then to add an innocent baby and possibly grieving children into the mix. Yuck all around.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. What if they decide not to divorce, now your child is stuck on the outside looking in and will pretty much be shunned as a 'secret' by the family.

[Anonymous]

You know what the key factor in figuring out whether the married guy is really getting a divorce and committing to the new chick would be? Has the new chick met the wife and spoken to her and does the wife absolutely know this is her DH's new girlfriend and he will marry her?

If he is still living with his wife, and the new chick has not heard from the wife that the wife agrees they are getting divorced (and it's allegedly "amicable", so why would this not happen?), then this is all B.S. and he's not leaving his wife.

As someone else said, actions are much much much more powerful than words. Only way I'd in any way believe the divorce was really going to happen and the married guy was going to commit to me is if I have confirmation from the wife herself that they're splitting up, divorcing, and she knows about me.

On another point, I really wonder if OP is just mainly focused on her bio clock and in the end, deep down inside, doesn't care whether the married guy really does stay with her or not, she just really wants to get pregnant? Because if she goes through with the pregnancy, she had best be ready to be a single mom, because the whole situation smells like a like and she'll be on her own for sure unless the wife absolutely knows and confirms the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He and his wife could decide to stay together and they could wind up with full/partial custody of the baby...something to think about.

This happened to us. DH got his "fling" pregnant, and three months later we ended up working on our marriage and saving it from the toilet. I forgave him, but don't trust him yet (long story). The wonderful thing is he fathered a sweet little girl with that woman. And we have joint custody. She wanted child support and I wanted a baby. We have more money and better lawyers. We plan to get full custody within the year.

[Anonymous]

This guy sounds like such a douche. He needs to get a clear cut divorce before conceiving any kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He and his wife could decide to stay together and they could wind up with full/partial custody of the baby...something to think about.

This happened to us. DH got his "fling" pregnant, and three months later we ended up working on our marriage and saving it from the toilet. I forgave him, but don't trust him yet (long story). The wonderful thing is he fathered a sweet little girl with that woman. And we have joint custody. She wanted child support and I wanted a baby. We have more money and better lawyers. We plan to get full custody within the year.

Dear god, I hope you are a troll pretending to be Bode Miller's trashy wife ...

[Anonymous]

My 40+ yo GF desperately wants to conceive with my married but separated and living under the same roof self.

I have not been intimate with my wife in over a year. I AM leaving her.

After miscarrying, my GF had fert tx in her effort to conceive with me. She has again. Her friends and ex hubby, w/ whom she has 2 kids, think she is crazy.

We DO love each other very much and plan to be together forever.

Seriously. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 40+ yo GF desperately wants to conceive with my married but separated and living under the same roof self.

I have not been intimate with my wife in over a year. I AM leaving her.

After miscarrying, my GF had fert tx in her effort to conceive with me. She has again. Her friends and ex hubby, w/ whom she has 2 kids, think she is crazy.

We DO love each other very much and plan to be together forever.

Seriously. It happens.

Do you have kids, like the man in this story? If you do, are you concerned about how they would receive the news that you are leaving their mom and, cherry on top, they will probably be having a half sibling whose mother is the other woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 40+ yo GF desperately wants to conceive with my married but separated and living under the same roof self.

I have not been intimate with my wife in over a year. I AM leaving her.

After miscarrying, my GF had fert tx in her effort to conceive with me. She has again. Her friends and ex hubby, w/ whom she has 2 kids, think she is crazy.

We DO love each other very much and plan to be together forever.

Seriously. It happens.

Do you have kids, like the man in this story? If you do, are you concerned about how they would receive the news that you are leaving their mom and, cherry on top, they will probably be having a half sibling whose mother is the other woman?

And, if you have kids, are you planning to disengage from them like the man in this story (they will live with your stbx wife and you will visit them a couple days a month), like the man of this story? And is your GF unwilling and unprepared to have an step mother role, like the woman in this story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 40+ yo GF desperately wants to conceive with my married but separated and living under the same roof self.

I have not been intimate with my wife in over a year. I AM leaving her.

After miscarrying, my GF had fert tx in her effort to conceive with me. She has again. Her friends and ex hubby, w/ whom she has 2 kids, think she is crazy.

We DO love each other very much and plan to be together forever.

Seriously. It happens.

Why are you still living with your wife?

[Anonymous]

I knew someone whose Father fathered two families and left the first family for the second. My friend does not speak to her Father.

[Anonymous]

I have no kids.
Waiting for wife to move out. She knows I have a GF. I stay away for weeks at a time (no questions asked) and have not touched her in over a year. It is over. Just logistics now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He and his wife could decide to stay together and they could wind up with full/partial custody of the baby...something to think about.

This happened to us. DH got his "fling" pregnant, and three months later we ended up working on our marriage and saving it from the toilet. I forgave him, but don't trust him yet (long story). The wonderful thing is he fathered a sweet little girl with that woman. And we have joint custody. She wanted child support and I wanted a baby. We have more money and better lawyers. We plan to get full custody within the year.

Is she unfit in any way as a parent? How on earth can you take custody from the birth mother? Please tell me there is more to this than your wealth and privilege?!

[Anonymous]

I think this is a terrible idea.

IF he does divorce his wife and IF he then marries you, then that is the time to conceive.

I'd just be very wary of this, though. Clearly he doesn't respect his wife enough not to cheat on her. What makes you think you'll fare any better? Plus you'll be dealing with a possibly vengeful ex who will rightfully think of you as the whore who wrecked her marriage.

There are single men out there. Please consider taking some time away from this guy and maybe finding one of them.