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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I kind of like her idea. [/quote]

OP again -- I get why some people like this idea.  But that's not the point -- the point is that she is trying to control a Christmas get together that isn't even her family!  And we've been doing it this way for nearly 40 years, with all sorts of other "visitors" joining us along the way.  I just don't get why we should alter a celebration that 20+ people love to appease one person.

And yes, before someone points it out, I'm not my MILs biggest fan.  But to me that doesn't factor in here -- there's a clear right and wrong re: etiquette here,[b] unless I'm missing something major.[/b][/quote]

What you're missing is a husband with the guts to tell his mommy, "We'll do it your way when we see you later that week on your turf. With Wife's family we do it their way. You can either stay in the room and get in the spirit, or if that's overwhelming for you, we get that, and you're welcome to retire to the (kitchen, dining room, wherever) with a (cup of coffee, glass of wine, whatever) when things get loud and chaotic." Then HE -- not you, HE -- smiles and firmly ignores her, and if she takes it up with you instead, HE intervenes and says, "We discussed this, remember? We do it your way later in the week. You're not going to get a different answer from Wife than you got from me."

Pity that your husband is too weak to do this.

I am sick of "I have to deal with my MIL because husband won't" posts on here, holiday or otherwise. Husband handles his family, Wife handles hers, they intervene for each other, period.

I think the gutless, cowed husband-son here is as much an issue as the disliked MIL.[/quote]

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