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Am I the only parent with a high IQ child who does not care to scramble for the best schools?
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Anonymous
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In a forum like this one, experienced posters know to avoid charged words. Thoughtless is a charged word, and synonyms like cavalier and dismissive, which you've used earlier, are also charged words.
I do appreciate that you feel impassioned about your child's prospects in school. But if I could make a suggestion, with all respect, it's that you avoid this type of language. You will find that, if you present your arguments in a context that doesn't include words that may offend, then other posters will be much more willing to engage you on the substance of your arguments. |
Anonymous
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Thoughtless PP again, and i stand by everything. I grew up in the DC public school system way back when there were neither programs for the highly gifted nor for children with special needs. Those of us who would now be labeled HG (no one, of course, labeled us anything back then) did fine, flourished even, went on to excellent colleges. We did learn in school but more importantly we pursued our own interests which i think, as a crop, made us somewhat interesting people.
The kids with special needs -- who also often did not have a specific label --were teased, floundered, suffered tremendously, DID NOT GRADUATE, had to deal with depression and other indirect issues. The bad old days were really, really bad for these kids. I stand by my original statement -- which yes, I thought about. Programs for kids who are HG are very helpful. Programs for kids with special needs are life-saving. |
Anonymous
| I think it comes down to how, when people feel they are being insulted, they will respond on a really superficial level to the insult, and not to the substance of the argument. That can have a ruinous effect on any discussion. |
Anonymous
I sure wish my brother-in-law's learning disabilities had been diagnosed when he was still in school, back in the bad old days, and that he had some appropriate intervention. Early intervention can often mitigate, even if it can't resolve, certain cognitive and social issues. This would have saved him, and his family, from constant anxiety over his inability to support himself today, and it would have saved him from his current state of depression. |
Anonymous
PP here (the one who thoughtlessly used the word thoughtless, LOL)--Curious--why do you assume that all these posts were by the same person? I am a different person from several others on this thread with whom you seem to have issues. From reading this thread, it seems to me that there have been voices of many different people on both sides--do you think there are actually only two or three people posting here? (Serious question.) Is it difficult for you to think that there might be a number of people who disagree with you and not just one, LOL? 
No point to this post, I guess, except that it is just interesting to me how you seem to believe oddly that there is some nemesis out there against you. And now, back to our regularly scheduled thread...
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Anonymous
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PP back again (of the "thoughtless" hanging offense, LOL). You know, I just reread the thread, and realized that I am feeling depressed about the whole thing--about people's comments, about the nastiness, about how I think there will never be common ground, etc. It seems absurd to me to feel depressed about comments made by anonymous strangers to one another (and to me of course), and of course, nothing anyone (including myself!) says in any thread has any real effect on the real world so it's all pretty pointless, but nonetheless, I still feel that way. I don't think it is good for my mental health to read this thread anymore. In fact, I probably shouldn't read any thread on a hot-button topic, because I will probably feel the same way. 'Night, all, and take care.
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Anonymous
This is indeed a prickly group. I'm not sure why you think I'm the same as some other posters, but let's not go there. I was just trying to help out by pointing out to a PP, who said she was "bewildered", that if she uses insulting words, other posters will be insulted and the whole conversation will be degraded. In other words, I was trying to return the conversation back on track and prevent future mishaps like the ones we've seen here. But it's time to get out of here, clearly moms of HG kids is not my scene (although I'm one myself). It's way too competetive/contentious/I don't know what in here. |
Anonymous
You know, the irony is, a good percentage of those kids were very likely gifted AND learning disabled. Kids who were of below average intellegence usually were labelled "slow learners" and were sent to special classes. Schools always had labels for slow learners. It was the kids who were clearly "bright" but for some reason not able to "work up to potential" (i.e. gifted plus learning disabled) who just didn't fit into any box, because (back in my day, anyhow) no one knew what to do with them. They weren't "slow learners", they were bright, co clearly they just weren't trying hard enough. It was a lack of effort. They were told to "try harder". So I would say programs which challenge the gifted are highly desirable. Programs which challenge the "good average" student are highly desirable. Programs which challenge the "slow learners" are highly desirable. Programs which challenge the learning disabled of average intelligence are highly desirable. And programs which challenge the learning-disabled/gifted are highly desirable. An appropriate education for ALL students to keep them interested in learning... is highly desireable. NO child should be told "just try harder" if they aren't getting some concept. And NO child should be told, "You will learn nothing new this year", either. |
Anonymous
I'm of two minds on this subject. I have a HG child who is very happy in a regular program. But my child is very social and sees school as a place to play, mostly, with a little learning now and then. DC reads voraciously at home, and does lots of art projects, music, sports, etc., after school. I'm not inclined to push DC any further (4th grade now). However, DC is not challenged, and clearly could do much more difficult work in school. Will sitting in a class that's too easy harm DC in the long run? I don't know. On the other hand, I do think some HG kids suffer quite a bit when forced to spend hours each day practicing skills they've long-ago mastered. I remember being bored out of my mind in ES, and feeling different and isolated from the other kids. A gifted program would have been a lifesaver for me. As it was, I loathed the tedium of school. My point is that every child is different. What works for one HG child won't work for another. DC's best friend (also HG) is bored, bored, bored in school and complains about it all the time. That child needs to be in a special program for HG kids. I would have loved a HG program when I was in ES, but we had nothing of the kind. Do what's best for your child. If he's HG, he will find ways to use his mind. And if he's miserable, he'll tell you and you can find another program for him. BTW, my HG child didn't read until age 7. Not interested. Too busy exploring the physical world. But DC is three+ grades ahead now, FWIW. Oh, and DC's first grade teacher told me DC was "below average." We left that school and that teacher was fired. |
Anonymous
What does your child do now during the school day? Does he have an understanding classroom teacher who allows for differentiated assignments? Does he get accelerated or independent math or reading assignments and science/history projects or is he working on grade level curriculum in lock step with the rest of the class? |
Anonymous
| I look at my child's happiness, rather than accomplishments. For the moment DC is very happy in school with many friends, a great teacher who differentiates a bit and a pleasant school that has many activities DC enjoys. If this changes, I will think about pulling DC out and moving into a HG program. At this point, I don't see any damage being done. On the other hand, I wish DC's best friend's parents would move their kid into a HG program. Their kid is clearly bored in school, but very happy socially (of course, with my DC!). Sure, DC could do a lot more in school, but without seeing any complaints, I'm disinclined to change anything. |
Anonymous
Well, having "many activities that he enjoys" is great! I think a lot of parents of kids who are academically advanced would be happy to find a school that would focus less on academics, and have more time for other activities -- like art, music, karate, long term research projects, wood working, handcrafts, and even recess. It's when 50% of the day is spent doing reading and math, and your child already KNOWS the stuff being required, and isn't offered anything different -- and isn't allowed to go do pottery or origami, but just has to stay in the classroom and be polite -- that's when the request for all this "differentiation" comes up the most. |
Anonymous
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Answering the OP question and have not read all the thread. Initially, I have like you - yeah, I have a smart kid but what is wrong with public school. Iw as reluctant to join the pre-K admissions insanity but in the end I did. So what changed my mind?
One comes from thinking about my own school experiences. I have never had an IQ test so I really have no idea, but I have a PhD in a technical subject from an ivy league school so I would probably be labeled as gifted if I were a kid today. I work mainly with other people who have PhDs, and a surprising number of them are products of either private schools or gifted programs and I see a difference between us... I like to do things perfectly - I think that is how I kepy busy in school by being perfect - it took me a while to learn not to be perfect yet still be excellent. I also find that my colleagues are all very knowledgable on world history (not just 2 centuries of American history), the arts, music, literature and they write very well. None of which I have....because I spent half my day in elementary school coloring-in letters I had known since I was two, while my now work-colleagues were learning the difference between the sound of the piano and violin (for example). So why does this matter? Part of my job is negotiation and diplomacy which involves building rapport and I am just not able for some of the conversations. I do wonder if a "gifted" or private education would have made that difference for me. Don't get me wrong - I was always happy in school and had a wonderful childhood but I may not reach my potential.... and I am not fully happy as an adult. I work with people I have trouble interacting with socially but love the intellectual stimulation of the work itself. I feel that I live my life in two worlds, neither is particularly satisfying because it feels incomplete. We did the WPPSI for our DD - a few people had said to us that she was smart and we were always like OK whatever but we had no desire to join the rush for places in private school. Anyway the outcome for the WPPSI for our 3 year old put her at 99.9%. I know these scores are unreliable but yet I interprete these to imply that our daughter is in all likelihood gifted - what that exactly means, I do not know but time will tell. We live in the district and love the city, and want to stay so we have joined the search for a private school that will help her reach her potential, we see that as a priority. We were amazed at how wonderful some of the private schools were - some were not a good fit for us but others just felt really good. I really really really hope we get into our first choice! |
Anonymous
Good luck with your child, but I have to say that I disagree with your assessment about why you are the person you are today. The social issues might very well be genetic or hard wired (that is my professional area) and all the private schools or GT programs might not have made a difference. Also, what you describe sounds more like a cultural or socioeconomic difference when you compare yourself to your co-workers. Keep in mind that some of that smooth talking is innate. My son does it, my daughter can not. Home environment matters a lot when it comes to that, and the next most important environment is place of worship. Yes, the smooth talk is important in church. You can read history all day, but unless you have a particular interest in it, it won't stick in your mind, and many people just read things to impress others at parties and work. I find them to be boring, they always have to intellectualize everything. I am in neuroscience, but have an interest in engineering, I read all the time about steel manufacturing, and bridge building. Do I share that odd interest with my colleagues? No, they would not get it. Do I care at all about French Revolutionary history? Not one bit, since it makes no difference to me professionally. You can spin it how you want. Ms. Palin did not know much, but MANY Americans thought that she would make a fine VP, so don't fret, it has little to do with what you know, but rather self confidence. |
Anonymous
| I fail to see what church has to do with anything. Other than providing an additional venue to talk to people in a more social way. |