How did you decide on family size?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your religious beliefs are probably anti-divorce too?

They are...but at this time I am considering it anyway.

So, you pick and choose your religious convictions. Meanwhile, your children will be the victims when they grow up in a divorced household, likely without enough money.

It would have been wiser to use birth control and establish a SOLID MARRIAGE to support your children.

It would have been wiser for you to just go on to another thread. Dick.

[Anonymous]

I'm from a family of three kids, and IMO the dynamic of three kids is such that one always feels left out. It was always me because I was a good chunk younger than my two siblings. What I was a kid I wanted four, but once I had one, and then realized I wanted to wait to have a second, and them the second had special needs, we knew we were done. It is weird being the third child and deciding not to have a third child yourself, but I was still singing when I threw the crib into the back of the truck and took it to the dump. Sometimes you just know. Youngest is almost 5 so I am coming up on the decision as to whether to get another IUD, or do something more permanent.

[Anonymous]

WHEN I was a kid I wanted four, but once I had one, and then realized I wanted to wait to have a second, and THEN the second had special needs, we knew we were done.

[Anonymous]

My DH doesn't want a second child. He, my husband, is 50 and he feels kids are a lot of work and expensive, he wants to live for himself.

He has a DS from first marriage.

I'd love to have a second child, but I guess it's too late now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having only 2 gives me room before I go over the edge. Had to give myself some room.
Also, the jump to 3 kids was just going to change a lot of things- a bigger car, a bigger house, an extra hotel room/cruise cabin when you travel (since most everything is based on a family of 4). We are glad we stopped at 2.

+100

Two easy pregnancies, 2 boys 2.5 years apart (I wanted boys) and we knew we were done.

They get along fantastically--rarely fight and we don't feel too stressed or tired.

We travel a lot now that they are 5.5 and 8. I have no desire to go through slept deprivation, naps, diapers, potty training, lugging gear one more time. We would be pushed to the edge.

We can split up when there are sports games/practice conflicts. If we had a third it would be extremely difficult with the sports schedules.

[Anonymous]

I adopted as a single parent. I wouldn't have a second child unless I had a partner.

[Anonymous]

We knew we wanted 3 in the abstract, but we took it one kid at a time. With two healthy kids and the younger one at an age where adding a baby felt possible, we decided we'd be able to handle a 3rd, whatever the outcome. An oops 4th would stretch us for sure, but we have an incredibly solid marriage and a good support system, so we'd cope--having enough space for an oops was important to me.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both knew we wanted two kids before we were married (we discussed it) We both grew up with one other sibling and we are very close to them. My mom and his Dad grew up with 2 siblings, and his mom with 4. They all have some serious issues with one or more of their siblings and it all seems tied to the number of kids. Plus, having 2 affords us a lot more than 3 or more would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The third and fourth were surprises, and we are so thrilled with them! I feel like you need the chaos of three to make life interesting. Plus, everyone out in the burbs seem to have three or more (tons with four or more).

Not to mention that three is the new two

Maybe you need the chaos of three to make life interesting, but I find life pretty interesting without that. "Three is the new two" is just. . . Dumb.

[Anonymous]

I'm so envious of all of you who got to choose. I'm not the PP pregnant with twins, but I'm in the same situation. Wanted two, planned for two -- second pregnancy is twins. A complete shock. I'm a lot less at peace with it than the previous PP. We never wanted more than two, money will be tight, and space will be even tighter. Everyone says I'll be happy and never look back once they arrive, and I hope they're right. Maybe some of you with three can cheer me up and tell me why it won't be as bad as I fear.

[Anonymous]

I always thought I wanted 3 or 4. But ended up falling in love with DH, who's 11 years older than me. Now he's 49 and our kids are 6 and 4. He's an amazing father to our kids, but he's pretty adamant about "not changing diapers at 50!" So we're done.

[Anonymous]

Lots of families with three or more kids in Olney. Honestly, I bet most families in the outer burbs have t least three. To clarify: obviously younger parents with very little ones (four or under) probably haven't had their third or fourth yet.

I merely pointed out how common it is as anecdotal info. We obviously didn't decide to have more kids to keep up with the joneses (duh). Plus, if you read my entire post, I believe I pointed out the fact that we had a couple surprises.

I honestly cannot think of one family in our hood or school that has less than three kids (again, I'm nit counting younger families whose oldest is in K...because chances are they will have a third kid in the next couple years).

I know this is tough for people living in apartments or small houses in DC or the close-in burbs to comprehend, but I assure you that the majority of families (let's say those with moms pushing 40 or in their mid 40s) living out in the burbs have more than 2. Who needs a five bedroom colonial if you only have two kids, right?

If you still don't believe me, then simply drive by obgc on a Saturday and watch the families climb out of their suburbans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically does anyone who has a 3rd, 4th, etc ever say, "what the heck was I thinking?" IMHO it seems like you would regret not having one more child more than you would having one, if you're on the fence.

I'm a PP with 3. Our third is a handful. We do say to ourselves "what were we thinking?!" - that's not to say we regret having a third, it was our choice & we don't, but we recognize that life would definitely be less complicated, easier, less expensive, etc. without a third (at least in the stage we are now). But your 2nd point was the whole reason we went for it - we thought we might regret NOT doing it while we'd never regret doing it.

[Anonymous]

I decided on two because:

That is how many hands I have, it makes crossing the street easier.
That is how many parents my children have, it makes divide and conquer easier.
It is slightly less than replacement and not increasing the population, I would have had just one, but I wanted elder DC to have a sibling.
I grew up in a two child household.
My mother grew up in a two child household.
Until age 11, my father grew up in a two child household.
MIL grew up in a two child household.
FIL grew up in a two child household.
We could afford college for two while maintaining a balanced lifestyle.
In retrospect, two is what DH & I can handle.

But that is me. OP you are you, so you have to weigh the pluses and minuses of your life to see if it is a wise choice. Good luck either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of families with three or more kids in Olney. Honestly, I bet most families in the outer burbs have t least three. To clarify: obviously younger parents with very little ones (four or under) probably haven't had their third or fourth yet.

I merely pointed out how common it is as anecdotal info. We obviously didn't decide to have more kids to keep up with the joneses (duh). Plus, if you read my entire post, I believe I pointed out the fact that we had a couple surprises.

I honestly cannot think of one family in our hood or school that has less than three kids (again, I'm nit counting younger families whose oldest is in K...because chances are they will have a third kid in the next couple years).

I know this is tough for people living in apartments or small houses in DC or the close-in burbs to comprehend, but I assure you that the majority of families (let's say those with moms pushing 40 or in their mid 40s) living out in the burbs have more than 2. Who needs a five bedroom colonial if you only have two kids, right?

If you still don't believe me, then simply drive by obgc on a Saturday and watch the families climb out of their suburbans.

Oh, yes - the families who move out of downcounty because of the changing demographics of lower MoCo. They are more politically conservative and religious and more likely to be white than downcounty DCUMs. If they lived in virginia they'd move to Loudon county, right? And some even move to West Virginia. Yes, I agree with you that those families definitely subscribe to "three is the new two."