Advice for teenage boy on how to handle newly overweight girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really see why the weight is an "issue" or why it's anyone's business to be discussing it -- including why girlfriend gained the weight or whether she "admits" to overeating or whatever. If your son no longer wants to date her for whatever reason -- including weight -- then he should gently break up with her. He doesn't have to give a reason. Kids break up in high school all the time. If he still likes her and wants to date her but is sensitive to his friends talking about how fat she is, then he should learn to stand up to his friends. 15 is not too young to learn to withstand peer pressure. He'll need to learn that skill for all the drinking, drug, academic cheating, etc issues that will come his way over the next few years. If the girlfriend wants to discuss her weight with him, great, but chances are she doesn't. And it's not like she's a bad person for suddenly gaining the weight or not losing it. It is what it is. I don't see a need for some sort of intervention or teaching moment other than for your son to take an honest look at his feelings and what he wants out of this relationship. If the relationship is based on friendship and personality, then he should consider whether her looks or weight would really prevent him from continuing it. If the relationship is based on physical attraction, and that is no longer there, then he should end it. And under no circumstance, obviously, should he be trashing her to anyone else (sounds like he is a sensitive kid but his friends, perhaps less so).

+1. Good response.

Agree. The kid is 15. OP should stay out of it.

+1
Its just high school dating. Unleas he was going to marry her, they were going to break up at some point.

[Anonymous]

It is possible that your son heard the old adage, "the bigger the cushion the better the pushin'"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are close enough to the girl, then could you have a friendly chat with her? I would do this and express concern about other possible health related issues that have caused such a dramatic weight gain. If you know her parents then maybe express your concern with them.

"Son's girlfriend, I noticed that you got fat over the summer. Would you like to talk to me about it.?"

Please don't do this.

If she starts now, she can be the MIL from Hell by the time her oldest is out of college!

Okay, I see how this can be over reaching, but the OP said that her ds and the girl were good friends for a long time before dating. I did preface by saying if she is close to the girl. I was very close with my high school boyfriend's mom, we could talk about a lot of things that I didn't feel comfortable talking about with my own parents.

I would address it as health or stress concerns, not "hey your fat now, let's talk about not stuffing your face".

That said, I agree with the pp in that your ds shouldn't be with anyone he doesn't want to be with. But it would be great if he could stick with her as a friend and encourage her to see a doctor because he cared about her health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She is aware of gain - 20+ lbs. She did mention her attempts at exercising as well as eating habits which are large portions. Stable home, family. Possibly stress from very academically-demanding school. Yes, she is above healthy/average BMI.

Yes, my concern is handling this gently. I am very aware of how girls deal with body image. He is also very sensitive to expressing his thoughts to avoid hurt.

Real world - these are teens. I cannot expect my son to act to like a grownup at age 15. He is above his age group's maturity and is trying to balance his own feelings, hers and feedback from the rest of the class.

Actually, you can expect a teenage boy to have above average decency and consideration. I wouldn't want the standard to be that he acts like an adult male, since most adult men are shallow pricks about women's looks. But as a mom, you can certainly expect him to treat her with kindness an to defend her if others are dissing her looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She is aware of gain - 20+ lbs. She did mention her attempts at exercising as well as eating habits which are large portions. Stable home, family. Possibly stress from very academically-demanding school. Yes, she is above healthy/average BMI.

Yes, my concern is handling this gently. I am very aware of how girls deal with body image. He is also very sensitive to expressing his thoughts to avoid hurt.

Real world - these are teens. I cannot expect my son to act to like a grownup at age 15. He is above his age group's maturity and is trying to balance his own feelings, hers and feedback from the rest of the class.

Actually, you can expect a teenage boy to have above average decency and consideration. I wouldn't want the standard to be that he acts like an adult male, since most adult men are shallow pricks about women's looks. But as a mom, you can certainly expect him to treat her with kindness an to defend her if others are dissing her looks.

You do realize that this is hate speech, right?