DH, 50, lost out on another job, feeling depressed and hopeless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I was surprised to see this thread revived, but I'll post an update: My DH finally found a job. It's in his field, it's interesting and has growth potential. He likes it a lot better than his old job. The big catch: the pay is about 30% lower than his old job, so we are struggling financially. He found the job through his network, so that finally worked out. He just went in, had four or five interviews in one day, and was offered the job. After all that struggle, it almost felt easy, just like in the old, pre-crash days.

I'm laying the groundwork for a new career. I hope to start earning money in the next year, which is realistic. For those posters who wonder why a SAHM in her 50s is not working, well, you are completely ignorant about the job market, especially for those over 50.

I wish this story had a happy ending, but DH is not happy, even though he likes his job. We now have financial insecurity that we never had before, and DH feels uncertain that he'll ever make as much money as he made before, and is still depressed that he can't make enough to support our family. Once I start earning money, he may feel better, at least that's my hope. But I'm still a long way away from earning a living[u].

Oh my lord OP. . . I am the PP with the $12/hour DH. . . he makes more now, but still we are scraping by. But even his 60 yr old mother who lost her alimony got off her SAHM her whole life ass and got a freaking job. And she had NO career. And you can sit here and say that you are a "long way away from making a living?"?????

Let me break it down for you how to earn a living:

1) Apply for a J-O-B (40 hrs/week)
2) Interview for the J-O-B and get one
3) Set your alarm honey - I know, sounds horrific to you . .
4) Get up at dawn, shower, shave, sh-t, get dressed
5) Go to your J-O-B

Any questions?

AND lets not forget - 8 months after your initial post, you are "STILL a long way from earning a living." If you worked these 8 months, you'd have earned a living. holy hell you are so entitled. . .

Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Oh, please. What kind of wife and mother lets her family sink into financial insecurity without at least TRYING to go get a job? The OP is refusing to even do that, because you know, age discrimination, blah blah blah. You don't know until you actually TRY. An un-glamorous 9 to 5 puts food on the goddamn table, but hey, her DH is the one who's the loser.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree that I don't buy this "I can't get a job" thing. Just go to any CVS and tell me you couldn't do a better job than most of the staff there. If you are able to read and count then you are ahead of many in DC.

If you say "I can't get a job that I consider at my level and that pays enough to support the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed", then I get that. But tough shit. You have made some choices, like getting out of the labor market for a couple of decades, that have some consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice - get off DCUM. This is a skewed demographic and it makes you feel that everyone is 1% of HHI.

Many people are going through what yr DH is going through. Job Search is the worst experience.

PP who agrees, but OP never indicated that she ever applied for any jobs. It's clear she has not. I could have some empathy if she said she's been applying for jobs for years and networking. But that's just not the case.

[Anonymous]

Add another one to the list. I could have written your post OP. Life is hell for many men in their 50s since the recession in particular but I don't doubt it would be this way even if the recession didn't occur. Age discrimination is rampant for men. We had kids late due to IF and it is so stressful to worry about jobs/losing house/teens/college/retirement etc. DH had to take a paycut with the last two jobs. I'm trying to make up the difference with my work, but we come up short.

Basically we have noticed that he almost always loses jobs to younger, either female or minority or both (his field is one where companies/orgs like to place their token female/minority leader to look PC). I'm sure they are probably paying those people less too which is sad. His current company never promotes from within. Given his age, he feels trapped because he's been burned so much before and the age discrimination now is just huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advice - get off DCUM. This is a skewed demographic and it makes you feel that everyone is 1% of HHI.

Many people are going through what yr DH is going through. Job Search is the worst experience.

PP who agrees, but OP never indicated that she ever applied for any jobs. It's clear she has not. I could have some empathy if she said she's been applying for jobs for years and networking. But that's just not the case.

PP- Why are u so angry?

OP may be someone who needs to get her act together etc., and you may feel you are helping her by being mean - but in reality no one takes advice when it is given without empathy.

You do not know this person. Her family situation does not affect you. You do not pay her bills. So, I am surprised that you show so much anger and hate?

Chill out. Not your life and not your problem.

[Anonymous]

We should start downsizing the way we live before we are put in this situation.

Save, save, save. Live below your means. Buy a smaller house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add another one to the list. I could have written your post OP. Life is hell for many men in their 50s since the recession in particular but I don't doubt it would be this way even if the recession didn't occur. Age discrimination is rampant for men. We had kids late due to IF and it is so stressful to worry about jobs/losing house/teens/college/retirement etc. DH had to take a paycut with the last two jobs. I'm trying to make up the difference with my work, but we come up short.

Basically we have noticed that he almost always loses jobs to younger, either female or minority or both (his field is one where companies/orgs like to place their token female/minority leader to look PC). I'm sure they are probably paying those people less too which is sad. His current company never promotes from within. Given his age, he feels trapped because he's been burned so much before and the age discrimination now is just huge.

I'm at a law firm where most associates have to leave eventually due to lack of partnership opportunities. Minorities and women get government jobs for which they have no special qualifications very quickly. The white males rarely snag these jobs unless they are perfect for the specific posts. It really is night and day. I feel sorry for your DH. The guys who were told to be team players usually end up completely hosed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Add another one to the list. I could have written your post OP. Life is hell for many men in their 50s since the recession in particular but I don't doubt it would be this way even if the recession didn't occur. Age discrimination is rampant for men. We had kids late due to IF and it is so stressful to worry about jobs/losing house/teens/college/retirement etc. DH had to take a paycut with the last two jobs. I'm trying to make up the difference with my work, but we come up short.

Basically we have noticed that he almost always loses jobs to younger, either female or minority or both (his field is one where companies/orgs like to place their token female/minority leader to look PC). I'm sure they are probably paying those people less too which is sad. His current company never promotes from within. Given his age, he feels trapped because he's been burned so much before and the age discrimination now is just huge.

I'm at a law firm where most associates have to leave eventually due to lack of partnership opportunities. Minorities and women get government jobs for which they have no special qualifications very quickly. The white males rarely snag these jobs unless they are perfect for the specific posts. It really is night and day. I feel sorry for your DH. The guys who were told to be team players usually end up completely hosed.

So the women and minorities are not receiving the qualifications while working in these law firms before going government. That would mean that the law firms discriminating against them first by failing to provide them meaty assignments while with the firms.

[Anonymous]

NP. It is tough out there. I finally found something in my field after a year of searching. Catch: it is a temp job, lasting only 8 months. An internship really. I hope with all my heart I will be able to parlay it into permanent work. The insecurity is very stressful.

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your DH are a team. In the old days, your roles were he took care of bringing in the cash and you took care of house and kids. Now that he can't bring in as much cash as needed, and I assume you don't have babies at home anymore, you need to update your roles.

At his age, DH may never make what he used to make. Take some pressure off him and try to make up that 30% yourself. Anything will help. I don't care how traditional a couple you are; he will be resentful if he's working hard for less money and he sees you still sitting at home all day. Not be brutal, but you should be past "laying the groundwork," unless you're training for something lucrative, like programming, or getting a teaching certificate or something. Even if you take a part-time job, it will bring in some cash and still allow you to work on a career switch if necessary.

BTDT, or I wouldn't have replied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Add another one to the list. I could have written your post OP. Life is hell for many men in their 50s since the recession in particular but I don't doubt it would be this way even if the recession didn't occur. Age discrimination is rampant for men. We had kids late due to IF and it is so stressful to worry about jobs/losing house/teens/college/retirement etc. DH had to take a paycut with the last two jobs. I'm trying to make up the difference with my work, but we come up short.

Basically we have noticed that he almost always loses jobs to younger, either female or minority or both (his field is one where companies/orgs like to place their token female/minority leader to look PC). I'm sure they are probably paying those people less too which is sad. His current company never promotes from within. Given his age, he feels trapped because he's been burned so much before and the age discrimination now is just huge.

I'm at a law firm where most associates have to leave eventually due to lack of partnership opportunities. Minorities and women get government jobs for which they have no special qualifications very quickly. The white males rarely snag these jobs unless they are perfect for the specific posts. It really is night and day. I feel sorry for your DH. The guys who were told to be team players usually end up completely hosed.

So the women and minorities are not receiving the qualifications while working in these law firms before going government. That would mean that the law firms discriminating against them first by failing to provide them meaty assignments while with the firms.

They tend to bail earlier before they've developed much subject-matter expertise. You could debate whether they bail because they don't think they're getting good assignments or because they know they'll receive preferential treatment with Government employers.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who complained that people weren't retiring. Well, it we're talking needs-based labor force, why don't all the married woman whose husbands make over a certain amount -- maybe $250,000 and up -- stop working so women who really need a job, like single mothers, can have a shot? Is that reasonable? If not, then your ageist point isn't either.

[Anonymous]

10:25 Millions who want to work, some of whom have sent out hundreds of resumes, cannot find work. Let me guess: You do not know anyone who's unemployed.

[Anonymous]

I am over 50 and have not found that my age is an issue. Of course I only listed my last 3 jobs on my résumé. In the 3 months I left my last job, I had 3 interviews and 2 job offers. I will take the 2nd job if I can not get a consulting gig in the next couple of weeks. I work in a technical area that requires quite a bot of experiences. Still when I go to trade conferences, I am out of place: 90% of the people around me are white boys in their 20s. I feel like their mother!

In the long run, I think I will be better off being an independent consultant: since I get paid by the hours, the clients do not care anything about me as long as I get the job done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Headhunters are really helpful. Most of my DH's jobs have come through that route.

Where do you find them?