DH, 50, lost out on another job, feeling depressed and hopeless

[Anonymous]

Not the purpose the post. It's a tough job market. I've met with two headhunters recently and I was told that the market is picking up for $60k-$80K folks with a few years of experience in my field. For those seasoned, the outlook isn't so great. Good luck! I can't imagine your frustration.

[Anonymous]

Article on four generations. I work in an office like this. My boss is 72.

http://www.fdu.edu/newspubs/magazine/05ws/generations.htm

[Anonymous]

REmember when people had the decency to retire and let someone else have a frigging job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:REmember when people had the decency to retire and let someone else have a frigging job!

Remember when employers had pensions? Wake up. Most old people have to work.

[Anonymous]

The downsizing is a good move.
Google 'frugal living, minimalism, living on less' etc. You will find tons of advice and stories from happy people living on small budgets. Try and implement some of the ideas to relieve your families' stress. It will give you hope & your husband will feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:REmember when people had the decency to retire and let someone else have a frigging job!

Remember when companies had the decency to offer pensions so that people of social security age could actually retire and not starve!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand SAHM's in their 50's and 60's. Why didn't you go back to work?

+1

Even if the SAHM would pick up some waitressing jobs or part time work on the nights and weekends it might relieve some family stress. Posts like this are why I will never give up my job just in case my DH or I ends up retireing early or getting laid off.

As for OP the problem is sometimes places don't hire for a variety of reasons. Once I did many rounds only to have the position cancelled. I recently lost out to a younger (and cheaper) recent law school graduate and I'm only in my late 30s and this was for a government job. I ended up in a great position but some of my co-workers who were out of work for some time told me that they were rejected for positions that paid much less because they were overqualified and none felt that they would stay in a position with such a big paycut.

But in terms of a success story I know someone who left government in his mid-50s and is now a successful partner in a DC law firm.

[Anonymous]

OP: Has DH looked at international jobs? That is what my DH does when he has a job scare. Yes, jobs do change, and the fun or satisfaction can leave, but you can't. That has happened to my DH. No job is coming along that matches the pay/work, so he stays despite the not perfect fit. Most 50 year old women are not working as waitresses...

[Anonymous]

Op - is dh in a safe government job? Or does he fear being fired? If it would be hard to fire him, and his frustration is more that he can't get ahead rather than he fears he may be let go, I advise he continue looking but also try to shift his attitude a bit. Not everyone can get to be in a higher position - there are only so many of those. His current job sounds ok. Sometimes people don't like you, and that's ok. Demoralizing, but ok. He has a decent salary, as long as he is not being abused, maybe he should try to see that the situation is not all that terrible.

[Anonymous]

If it is any consolation, I am highly qualified in my field and can't even get an interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is any consolation, I am highly qualified in my field and can't even get an interview.

OP. I'm sorry to hear this. It's not any consolation, really, it only adds to the sense of hopelessness. If someone with great qualifications can't even get interviews, it says something's really wrong. Have you tried networking? The only interviews DH has gotten he's gotten through networking. Sending out resumes in response to job postings has yielded not a single response.

DH has no hope of advancement, and will likely be laid off in the next round, if there is one. He doesn't work for the government. We were talking tonight, and he said he thought his age is really working against him. The person hiring for the job he lost out on this past week is about 7 years younger than DH.

We can't leave this area, so international jobs are out, even though DH does have dual citizenship, and can work in Europe. But our kids are in school here, so there's no way we can leave now. Later, maybe.

I'd love to go back to work, but can't do it right now. I was a waitress in high school and hated it! I'd rather clean restrooms -- really! I appreciate the encouragement, but you younger women have no idea how discriminated against 50-plus women are, especially SAHMs with no recent work experience. I applied for a part-time job as a librarian at my kids' school, and was turned down because I had no shelving experience! I have an Ivy degree and a master's degree in literature, but no, I have not shelved books before!

DH is actually feeling a bit better tonight, resigned, but hopeful. I told him about the suggestions many of you have made, and he was receptive to most. He is applying to a job he just found out about, and said he's going to change his resume to make it less intimidating! He's erasing the fact that he's overseen whole departments! That's what it takes to get hired these days, I guess. He's also going to read that book on interviewing, so we'll see if that helps him change direction a bit.

Please keep the suggestions coming in! I'd love to hear more! Any other 50+ success stories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is any consolation, I am highly qualified in my field and can't even get an interview.

I have young kids and have geographical constraints. I do have a good full time job. I am horrible at networking. It doesn't help that my week is all work-I do have a full time job and spend a ton of time on kid related activities. I know you are looking to provide support for DH and you say you can't get a job at the school but what about part time babysitting? We hired a 50+ year old to pick up our kids after school and watch them until 6. We pay about 20 per hour. With an Ivy degree you should be very marketable. I realize this is not what you thought you would ever do but if you could find someone with a schedule that works with yours maybe it would help take the edge off and maybe an opportunity to network for DH too. Some of these 500k big law families would pay good money for babysitting.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that the answer is dumbing things down. I was looking and it took awhile to find the right fit. Sometimes when you have more experience in a specialized area it just takes time. I hope things look up soon.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early 40's. Back in Q4 of 2010 I was caught up in a RIF. I was a top performer in my trade and had been for several years. I was out of work for about 4 months. I interviewed at several places. I only received one call back. They offered me half of what I was making with the promise of improving that once I produced. I'm producing now and I'm still only at about 60% of what I was making. I have over 25 years experience in my line of work with a successful track record. None of that really matters.

It's a buyer's market for anyone who has a position to offer to an employee. They can pick thru all of the candidates and wait, and wait, and wait. Meanwhile, people are getting to the end of their savings. People are struggling just to make ends meet! If a company can replace existing workers with cheaper ones - it's going to happen. The work force is flooded with inexperienced newbies. That's the wave of the future.

Have you ever noticed how the dumbest people have the best luck? It's like having a trump card if you're mentally unable to perform. I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

OP I can completely sympathize. DH was very high up in a niche industry (as in there was only one competitor). He had worked his way up from entry level for 13 years. A year ago at age 39 he became the scape goat from a vindictive guy working for another sister type of organization. The guy was trying to make what he thought would be a fortune but turned out to ruin his own life too. In the interim my husband was investigated and found of no wrong doing by SEC and FBI. But as a result it ruined DH career. DH became depressed, angry, emotionally unstable bc we really never knew what the next day would hold for a while. I had to hold it together for the kids and encourage DH to get back on the wagon and apply to jobs. Felt very defeated for a year, eventually made some drastic changes (that aren't relevant for anyone other than us that's why I don't mention them). Lots of resumes and interviews later he finally just got a job using some of his experience in a completely different industry.

Moral of the story, dark times will come and go, something will eventually work out if he keeps a it. Try and be strong and supportive, I know difficult it can be when living an emotional rollercoaster.