What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?

[Anonymous]

While there is no real justification for an affair, I'll just say this...

I'm in an affair at the moment. We're both married. I plan on leaving as soon as I'm financially able to. My husband knows this. He also knows that we haven't had sex in the last 10 years (been together for 20 years), he's simply no longer interested.

Trust me, a decade without a hug, without any human touch from someone you care about can drive people to do things they would normally never consider.

Could I have left years ago? Maybe. But the truth of the matter is my husband and I spent the last 10 years trying to fix our marriage. We've both worked so hard to save something that just isn't there any more.

In the end, I sat him down and told him how much I crave a physical touch, that I felt it was getting to a point where we should BOTH go and find what we need. He agreed.

I don't tell him that I've found, and fallen for someone that now provides that for me. I don't want to hurt him any more than necessary, even if we've agreed it's okay. If I even suspected he'd found someone too, then I wouldn't hesitate to tell him.

As for my AP....his children are younger than mine. He wants to save his marriage, and is doing everything he can to do just that. Yes, he's cheating....he feels incredibly guilty for it too.

His wife isn't evil. She's simply changed into something he struggles to live with. I fully believe that for him, the alternative would be to wrap his car around a tree. He doesn't WANT a divorce. He doesn't WANT to be having an affair.

The ache for the human touch is a strong one though.

I don't see a future with him. BUT for now we're both getting the love, acceptance and fulfillment that we don't get at home.

That's enough for us at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Women who grow up surrounded by divorce and think nothing of marriage and have no respect for it.

[Anonymous]

starting out it was easy. i didn't know he was married. it carried on because i got really attached

[Anonymous]

"The ache for the human touch is a strong one though."

Widow here. The first time I had sex after DH died, I cried like a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The ache for the human touch is a strong one though."

Widow here. The first time I had sex after DH died, I cried like a baby.

op here. You made me cry.

[Anonymous]

22:39, I understand exactly where you are coming from. My story was similar. I got divorced, my AP did not, so I moved on and am now in a fulfilling, committed relationship. The relationship like the one you describe was exactly what I needed at the time. My xH is simply not very interested in a long term romantic relationship, with me or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Wow! NP here, and PP it is astounding to me that you presume to know enough to judge that other poster so clearly and vehemently! You are obviously very pained, and I can only hope you put as much energy and clarity into your own life and relationships. I also hope you own your own choices the way you are insisting the other poster owns hers.

Another NP, and one who views this pretty dispassionately. While the PP saying that the cheating spouse is a little harsh, he or she is also correct in the basics. Marriage is for better or worse, and your first responsibility is to fix problems. Going outside the marriage doesn't fix problems. Lots of cheaters blame their spouses, but really, they need to take a look in the mirror. They made the decision to cheat because of their own character flaws. If you are unhappy, that is sad, but the honorable thing to do is either divorce or try to fix the marriage first.

Do people really place so little value on personal integrity?

[Anonymous]

wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

[Anonymous]

You seriously need individual counseling and if you were in marriage couseling you need a new couselor. 10 years and your H never hugged you - your counselor did not instruct him to hug you in counseling. What happened to you in your childhood that you would allow yourself to be treated this way for 10 years. That in an of itself shows that you have serious self esteem issues.

The affair will not fix your issue. It may mask them for a while.

You are causing harm to others. You are hurting a woman you don't even know.

You have serious issues picking men. You are dating a man that wants to "wrap his car around a tree".

Your issues are deep and will take years to undo.

Anonymous wrote:While there is no real justification for an affair, I'll just say this...

I'm in an affair at the moment. We're both married. I plan on leaving as soon as I'm financially able to. My husband knows this. He also knows that we haven't had sex in the last 10 years (been together for 20 years), he's simply no longer interested.

Trust me, a decade without a hug, without any human touch from someone you care about can drive people to do things they would normally never consider.

Could I have left years ago? Maybe. But the truth of the matter is my husband and I spent the last 10 years trying to fix our marriage. We've both worked so hard to save something that just isn't there any more.

In the end, I sat him down and told him how much I crave a physical touch, that I felt it was getting to a point where we should BOTH go and find what we need. He agreed.

I don't tell him that I've found, and fallen for someone that now provides that for me. I don't want to hurt him any more than necessary, even if we've agreed it's okay. If I even suspected he'd found someone too, then I wouldn't hesitate to tell him.

As for my AP....his children are younger than mine. He wants to save his marriage, and is doing everything he can to do just that. Yes, he's cheating....he feels incredibly guilty for it too.

His wife isn't evil. She's simply changed into something he struggles to live with. I fully believe that for him, the alternative would be to wrap his car around a tree. He doesn't WANT a divorce. He doesn't WANT to be having an affair.

The ache for the human touch is a strong one though.

I don't see a future with him. BUT for now we're both getting the love, acceptance and fulfillment that we don't get at home.

That's enough for us at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

Is it ok if your spouse does this, also? you won't mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seriously need individual counseling and if you were in marriage couseling you need a new couselor. 10 years and your H never hugged you - your counselor did not instruct him to hug you in counseling. What happened to you in your childhood that you would allow yourself to be treated this way for 10 years. That in an of itself shows that you have serious self esteem issues.

The affair will not fix your issue. It may mask them for a while.

You are causing harm to others. You are hurting a woman you don't even know.

You have serious issues picking men. You are dating a man that wants to "wrap his car around a tree".

Your issues are deep and will take years to undo.

NP - In my opinion the husband was the one that hurt his wife with the affair and I would say the wife that was cheated on needs to professionally examine her self esteem issues as to why she hitched her cart to that type of horse and why she would want to stay with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

This is me and I'm a woman. DH is attractive, funny, wonderful, perfect. My affair partner has something DH can never have and that is "difference". He is different, that is the attraction. I don't want to leave my marriage for him, I don't want to become his wife and have his babies. I rarely think about him when we're not together. We get together once in a while, talk, eat, fuck and go back to our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

Is it ok if your spouse does this, also? you won't mind?

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

This is me and I'm a woman. DH is attractive, funny, wonderful, perfect. My affair partner has something DH can never have and that is "difference". He is different, that is the attraction. I don't want to leave my marriage for him, I don't want to become his wife and have his babies. I rarely think about him when we're not together. We get together once in a while, talk, eat, fuck and go back to our lives.

How long have you been married? Is it ok if your dh does this too? If so, why not just agree to have an open marriage instead of doing it on the sly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow - you people are in way too deep with these affairs.

I just meet my affair for fun sex and leave. We have no problems at home - we're just horny.

This is me and I'm a woman. DH is attractive, funny, wonderful, perfect. My affair partner has something DH can never have and that is "difference". He is different, that is the attraction. I don't want to leave my marriage for him, I don't want to become his wife and have his babies. I rarely think about him when we're not together. We get together once in a while, talk, eat, fuck and go back to our lives.

How long have you been married? Is it ok if your dh does this too? If so, why not just agree to have an open marriage instead of doing it on the sly?

I don't see how satisfying horniness and a craving for difference can be more important than honor. That's just messed up.