What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

So if you sat in the basement and drank yourself into a coma - it would have been his fault too. You act like it was an either/or situation. There are a multitude of other ways to have addressed your issue. YOU CHOSE the most selfish way. You are selfish. Plain and simple.

Wow! NP here, and PP it is astounding to me that you presume to know enough to judge that other poster so clearly and vehemently! You are obviously very pained, and I can only hope you put as much energy and clarity into your own life and relationships. I also hope you own your own choices the way you are insisting the other poster owns hers.

I am not pained until I get the inevitable call from my female friends who have their affair partners dump them when the wife finds out. Then the AP’s wife calls the husband. Then I get the call. The crying, the feeling of emptiness, the what have I done, the husband who had no clue, the children who are freaking out, the mom who has to move into an apartment (because that is the law when you are a slut).

Wake up people! You are adults! You have responsibilities! There are other people that are affected by your selfishness.

I am sorry if your H did not fill every emotional need you have, every single crevices in your soul. Here is an idea - fill them yourself - with something other than a man. Get a job! Get a life! Do some volunteer work!

I have a job, thank you. I do more volunteer work than the average person. I don't fit your stereotypical portrayal of the other woman. I think most women probably wouldn't.

Good luck finding your own happiness in a world you see so black and white. Most people aren't saints and everyone has their own degrees of selfishness. I would say your need to bash strangers you know nothing about speaks to your own lack of self worth and selfishness. But I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions.

My world hasn't imploded BTW. My kids are older and know what happened. They lived under the same roof and know what I went through. I was the one who decided to leave my husband and I told him of the affair. We have come up with a new life that works better for everyone so life does go on without all the drama.

[Anonymous]

Long before I met my husband, I had an emotional and physical affair with a married man. I felt awful about it. It happened because I was in a new city, worked a lot and had no real friends there. I was very lonely and he was basically my only friend. I didn't steal him or try to do so. There were severe issues in their marriage and they are now divorced. I am now married with three kids and have never told my husband that this happened. In fact, I have never told a soul that this happened. So, to answer the original question, the kind of woman who does this (at least, in this instance), is lonely, lacks emotional support and has self-esteem issues.

[Anonymous]

My world hasn't imploded BTW. My kids are older and know what happened. They lived under the same roof and know what I went through. I was the one who decided to leave my husband and I told him of the affair. We have come up with a new life that works better for everyone so life does go on without all the drama.

I doubt that seriously. I doubt it all went down smoothly.

One of my many friends who have imploded their world had a great job (big law) and did tons of volunteer work too. What she did not have is a life! She did not see inside herself. Everything was an extrinsict justification of her life. There is a great book that describes this "how to be good" it is fiction - and actually hilarious.

I am sure there was drama, and you should have left before the affair. I am not saying don't get divorced. I am saying don't have an affair.

I am sorry your H sucked. I am sure you could have moved onto "life does go on" a little more smoothly without the affair.

I know hindsight is a little blind.

I believe in redemption, I just don't believe in not learning from your mistakes and encouraging others to make them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long before I met my husband, I had an emotional and physical affair with a married man. I felt awful about it. It happened because I was in a new city, worked a lot and had no real friends there. I was very lonely and he was basically my only friend. I didn't steal him or try to do so. There were severe issues in their marriage and they are now divorced. I am now married with three kids and have never told my husband that this happened. In fact, I have never told a soul that this happened. So, to answer the original question, the kind of woman who does this (at least, in this instance), is lonely, lacks emotional support and has self-esteem issues.

Here is a perfect example of redemption done correctly. You make a mistake (and it is a mistake - not a vacation) and you figure out why, what you can do to not make this mistake again, you admit your part and you move on.

Thanks for having that courage. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women - don't let these bible thumpers discourage you. If having sex with someone who is married is something you want to do, do it. Life is not about the the mistakes you don't make, it's about handling the ones you do. Then again, nothing may ever come of your sex with a married guy.

Everything has consequences - even not doing something has consequences. stop measuring them and just start living.

I am no where near a bible thumper. I do not need a god to tell me that hurting children is wrong.

Do what you want, you will anyway.

Truthfully, I have yet to STOP a friend from ruining her and her children's lives. I have only been able to help put the pieces together afterwards. I can only tell you the final product is not pretty.

Or the final product is what god intended and you shouldn't be fucking with god's intentions. Things happen for a reason.

[Anonymous]

You may not know the final product. The final product doesn't often show itself till years down the line.

From my perspective, the final product is better than where I was. Thanks anyway for your concern. I did not need help from a friend like you to get here. I'm now with my soul mate and we are both better off together than the spouses we were with. Our children are well adjusted and not broken as you would like everyone to assume. Things do sometimes work out for the better.

But keep living in your black and white world and spew your bitterness. I'm sure that works well with your spouse, your family, and your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may not know the final product. The final product doesn't often show itself till years down the line.

From my perspective, the final product is better than where I was. Thanks anyway for your concern. I did not need help from a friend like you to get here. I'm now with my soul mate and we are both better off together than the spouses we were with. Our children are well adjusted and not broken as you would like everyone to assume. Things do sometimes work out for the better.

But keep living in your black and white world and spew your bitterness. I'm sure that works well with your spouse, your family, and your friends.

It is easier if you think I am bitter. That helps you justify your actions. You can't look inward. You have to blame others. My actions are justified because that other person must be bitter.

I don't care for children to have to bear the brunt or "adjust" as you call it so I can "be better off". Go be better off. You have to have somebody help you do that. Do it on your own. You are dependent on somebody else to "be better off". Sad.

Use your own word of advice.

You may not know the final product. The final product doesn't often show itself until years down the line. (In the meantime, enjoy the fantasy with your soul sucking mate.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I have gotten older (I'm over 45), I've become more sanguine on this issue. I have several friends (both male and female) who engaged in affairs with married people. My male friend did it because he was in a truly miserable marriage (he had moved into their basement) and was just staying in the house for the sake of his kids---he thought his wife was a lousy mother and wouldn't leave until he thought his kids would be okay alternating between residences.

My female friends both had affairs with married men when they were single women. They weren't looking to break up marriages and they weren't interested in long-term relationships with the guys---they just genuinely liked the companionship of the guys in question. I do not think either one of them would do it again---they are generally honorable people and were at sad and lonely points in their own lives (one had just lost a parent, the other had just gotten divorced).

So while I am sure that there are a lot of slutty, low-self esteem, selfish sorts of all types who engage in affairs (I worked with someone who was a serial cheater on his wife and completely amoral about it), I also think that basically nice people can be flawed and human as well.

Married woman here (have never cheated) and I agree with this post. I think a lot of difference circumstances can lead to affairs and that we should not be too quick to judge unless we know the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I have gotten older (I'm over 45), I've become more sanguine on this issue. I have several friends (both male and female) who engaged in affairs with married people. My male friend did it because he was in a truly miserable marriage (he had moved into their basement) and was just staying in the house for the sake of his kids---he thought his wife was a lousy mother and wouldn't leave until he thought his kids would be okay alternating between residences.

My female friends both had affairs with married men when they were single women. They weren't looking to break up marriages and they weren't interested in long-term relationships with the guys---they just genuinely liked the companionship of the guys in question. I do not think either one of them would do it again---they are generally honorable people and were at sad and lonely points in their own lives (one had just lost a parent, the other had just gotten divorced).

So while I am sure that there are a lot of slutty, low-self esteem, selfish sorts of all types who engage in affairs (I worked with someone who was a serial cheater on his wife and completely amoral about it), I also think that basically nice people can be flawed and human as well.

Married woman here (have never cheated) and I agree with this post. I think a lot of difference circumstances can lead to affairs and that we should not be too quick to judge unless we know the full story.

+1000

[Anonymous]

It's easier to blame others than to look inward and recognize the role that you played. That is the truth for all parties involved: the cheater, the spouse, and the other woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I have gotten older (I'm over 45), I've become more sanguine on this issue. I have several friends (both male and female) who engaged in affairs with married people. My male friend did it because he was in a truly miserable marriage (he had moved into their basement) and was just staying in the house for the sake of his kids---he thought his wife was a lousy mother and wouldn't leave until he thought his kids would be okay alternating between residences.

My female friends both had affairs with married men when they were single women. They weren't looking to break up marriages and they weren't interested in long-term relationships with the guys---they just genuinely liked the companionship of the guys in question. I do not think either one of them would do it again---they are generally honorable people and were at sad and lonely points in their own lives (one had just lost a parent, the other had just gotten divorced).

So while I am sure that there are a lot of slutty, low-self esteem, selfish sorts of all types who engage in affairs (I worked with someone who was a serial cheater on his wife and completely amoral about it), I also think that basically nice people can be flawed and human as well.

Married woman here (have never cheated) and I agree with this post. I think a lot of difference circumstances can lead to affairs and that we should not be too quick to judge unless we know the full story.

+1000

+1000 more - these people are very flawed.

[Anonymous]

"I think a lot of difference circumstances can lead to affairs and that we should not be too quick to judge unless we know the full story."

Does anyone really know the "full story"?

[Anonymous]

To the respondent who mentioned Boston as an example...Please....Show some tact you idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO EXCUSES 0006. Have some self control. You both made a choice to be foul. It is common sense that you don't get close to the opposite sex....especially if you are having marriage issues. An affair would bot have happened if you exerted some self control, used common sense, and put that affair energy into your marriage.

This is a crock of BS. I did put a lot of energy and effort into my marriage. For all I know he did to. It just got to the point that no matter how much energy we put in, we were getting nothing except a roof over our heads and children to raise. No companionship, no love, and definitely no sex. And yes, if one of us was happy, the affair would not have happened. The spouses played a role even as a cheated spouse you don't want to own up to your culpability.

New poster. I have zero respect for you. Blaming the spouses - that's pretty low.

But mostly you sound angry and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My world hasn't imploded BTW. My kids are older and know what happened. They lived under the same roof and know what I went through. I was the one who decided to leave my husband and I told him of the affair. We have come up with a new life that works better for everyone so life does go on without all the drama.

I doubt that seriously. I doubt it all went down smoothly.

One of my many friends who have imploded their world had a great job (big law) and did tons of volunteer work too. What she did not have is a life! She did not see inside herself. Everything was an extrinsict justification of her life. There is a great book that describes this "how to be good" it is fiction - and actually hilarious.

I am sure there was drama, and you should have left before the affair. I am not saying don't get divorced. I am saying don't have an affair.

I am sorry your H sucked. I am sure you could have moved onto "life does go on" a little more smoothly without the affair.

I know hindsight is a little blind.

I believe in redemption, I just don't believe in not learning from your mistakes and encouraging others to make them.

Agree there must have been drama. Also, what a crap thing to tell your children: I cheated on your dad before we got divorced. Ask any psychologist how that sort of knowledge affects children (of all ages). It's not good.

This story is so selfish and destructive, all around.