Does anyone else get frustrated with play dates with "only" children?

[Anonymous]

Wow, you are judgemental. Thanks for making this mom of an only child feel like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you are judgemental. Thanks for making this mom of an only child feel like crap.

Don't! OP is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you are judgemental. Thanks for making this mom of an only child feel like crap.

Another mom of an only here--these kind of judgmental generalizations don't make me feel like crap, because I really, honestly, truly do not care what nasty people like this think about me or my kid. I've known many lovely, well-behaved onlies and many spoiled rotten or aggressive kids with sibs--it's pretty clear to me that temperament and parenting style are the relevant factors, not the sibling status of a given kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you are judgemental. Thanks for making this mom of an only child feel like crap.

You are giving OP an awful lot of power over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also daycare kids can be a little...rough.

It's not necessarily daycare that does this...it's the parenting.

My twins are in a 2 year old room at daycare. They are in a room with ten other children (12 children for two teachers). Of these 10 children, 5 were classmates off and on from the 6-24 months (there were three 0-18 month rooms, one 18-24 room and two 2's rooms, so kids often see the same kids as they shift rooms due to birthdays, etc). Those 5 are all mild kids and our various kids have all played well, all have good manners, all listen to the teachers, etc. Now, of the remaining 5, 3 of them are VERY aggressive and rough. We never had a problem until those kids were merged with the others. And, frankly, I've seen how those parents interact with their children. The children are aggressive and unmannered because their parents never address issues. Of the 6 or so families that we spent most of the first two years with, all of those parents addressed issues as they arose and our children all got along well. I now have to regularly remind my toddlers that even if other kids at school behave in some ways or do some things that they are not acceptable for our family. And keep reminding them. I definitely know where some of these aggressive behaviors come from and we work very hard to curb them as they are learning them. My kids do understand...it's funny, but they'll tell the teachers when behavior we don't allow occurs, so the teachers definitely know the source, but sometimes they are limited in what they can impose on the lax parents.

We have several friends with singles, multiples, and more than one child of different ages and it's pretty consistent that it's the parents with the most lax standards that have the most unruly children. And very often they fall on the "they're just being boys" or "they're just being children." Sorry, they are just being children and being aggressive and not learning to share because you aren't imposing enough rules on them. Yes, I know it's hard. I have to break all those habits my children learn from the children of lax parents, but we're doing it. There are one or two that we've just stopped seeing regularly because it's not worth the effort. Maybe in another couple of years when they're school age we may try to hook up with them again, to see if the kids have outgrown these issues, but we'll just have to see.

[Anonymous]

If parents are oblivious, tell them. I would hate to think everyone is lieing to me and saying my son is well behaved. Tell me so I can address it. And address it yourself during the play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you've missed the entire point of the playdate - it's for *you* to get a break! The kids entertain each other, get some social interaction, and don't continuosly come to you with requests for help with coloring, reading a story, help reaching this that or the other . . . if you are paying enough attention to notice, let alone care, that the play mate is some what self-centered, then I'm guessing the playdate actually isn't serving it's purpose or you're hovering too much.

If your kid likes the other kid, then back off and relax! That's the whole point. If the kids aren't getting along, schedule a playdate with some one else next time, so you can back to the relaxation agenda.

Since when? I don't helicopter (though I am sure you are trying to bait here), but I certainly don't use the time to "relax". In fact, other moms often try to put the playdates on me. Which would totally negate your point.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids, we just hosted a play date with 2 other kids, one adopted only and one who is the only girl. At one point one of the guests insisted she wanted to play by herself (there was a trove of dolly stuff she does not have at home.) At another point one of my kids threw a tantrum and went off to read by herself during her play date because she couldn't have a second helping of some junky snack food she knew we have. I talked with her about not being standoffish while her friend (who she does not see every day since changing schools) was visiting. I think they had a good afternoon all in all. But it's not just onlys that have off days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bigger issue with only children when they come over is that they tend to not be nice at all to the younger siblings. I guess they just develop the tolerance !

This is a very generalized statement. My only loves loves younger kids. I think he dreams of younger siblings. Parents often tell me "thank you for how nice he is to their younger ones."