Does anyone else get frustrated with play dates with "only" children?

[Anonymous]

My only always share. Sometimes, she will stand back and "wait" her turn indefinitely, because she's too naive to understand that not everybody will voluntarily share and sometimes you've gotta assert yourself. She's still not a perfect kid and is annoying as hell some days with the whining and tantrums when it time to leave, but sharing is a non-issue.

I agree with some of the parents about allowing kids sometimes to work out their own differences. I don't get mad at other kids who sometimes take advantage, because my daughter has her moments when she's bossy to her slightly older male cousins and they "tolerate" her, because she's younger. I think it's a good life lesson.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids. My older DD has two best girlfriends. One is an only and one has a little brother. The only is better behaved and is SO much nicer to my little one than the one with the little brother.

[Anonymous]

My son just turned 8 years old, and is an only child. He has a sensitive side, by nature, and is also funny, precocious, cerebral, and honest. His teachers, along with I and my husband, would never describe him as "aggressive," "competitive", or "domineering." Birth order is not a major cause or factor of these traits; rather, I believe that some people are just born with certain personality tendencies, and I also believe that parenting styles play a role, too. I personally know children who have one or multiple siblings, and they are mischievous, controlling, and assertive.

My son enjoys his friends in the school setting and also on playdates (which, according to my son, are no longer called "playdates" but rather, just "hanging out" with his friends). When he has a friend who comes over, he knows that his friend is the "guest" and that he should honor what his "guest" would like to do. When he goes to a friend's house, I expect him to follow the rules of that household, and to be on his best behavior (especially if he wants to be invited back again).

I believe that any child would benefit from having playdates, the one-on-one interaction with a buddy that cannot be accomplished during a regular school day. With this experience, the child learns how to share, how to compromise, how to create ideas together, and most of all, how to appreciate each other as individuals. Children need the time and experience to learn these things.

[Anonymous]

my older DC occasionally has playdates with an 'only' child. I always feel a bit bad (and very watchful) that my DC is far more dominating over his friend, who is a chill, laid back kid. Has a lot more to do with personality, genetics, parenting than it does with having siblings. My older DC also dominates his sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have found many onlies to be brats but agree with others, it's more the parents than the kids fault. In DD's preschool class, the two kids who are onlys are the worst most troublesome kids in the class. I was shocked when I co-opted and saw their behavior.

I love all the mom's of the only's saying their kid is perfect- what mom is going to say their child is selfish, doesn't like to share and is a brat?! And your perspective really does change once you have two.

Even with three kids, my kids always look presentable so that person saying you have more kids and you don't have time is just crazy. Some people with one kid have their kids in dirty rags for clothes- it's more about the parent.

Thank you. It is absolutely about the parent. My (non-only) child acts up once in a while, and when DC does, it is at the MOST inopportune time! Of course, the ones to claim THEIR child is perfect and would NEVER do that happen to be the moms of ONLIES. They will not give another mother a break, or consider that each child is different. DC is always reprimanded and receives a just punishment.

Mind you, I have seen the only child friend do the *exact same misbehavior* as DC- and thinking no one noticed it, and pretending not to notice it herself, the mom of the only actually ignored it completely. And my kid is supposed to be crucified? Are you kidding me?

Must be nice, living in a bubble. Until it pops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember the days before my second came along. I forget how self centered ( wish there was another word) a child can be who doesn't have to share life experiences 24/7 with other kids, on the other hand - lucky them.

Due to my hideous work schedule, my only child spends 9 hours a day in daycare "sharing life experiences with other kids." So I think he's just fine in terms of practice sharing and getting along with other kids.

LOL- that's what I was thinking too. My son learned great negotiating / sharing skills at daycare and at preschool.

[Anonymous]

You know, we have twins and have playdates with other twins and many singletons. In our group of friends, everyone parents their own child and the host has house rules. So, when kids come to our house, I parent my kids and the host can interject "In our house, we..." Works that way in all of our homes and everyone seems to get along great and all of the kids benefit from learning some rules and discipline either from the parent or the host.

[Anonymous]

I find that when my only plays with kids with siblings, the friend does not want to share DD with their sibling. They want their sibling stop trying to play with them and go away! DD doesn't care and is happy to play with whoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do play dates with kids who are obnoxious, only or otherwise.

yup. when my son was younger, I got frustrated with judgy people. there ya go. (I still do, but play dates are passe now.)

[Anonymous]

I get frustrated with judgemental assholes like you, OP. You should learn to stop being such a whiney bitch.

Coming from a mom of 3 that knows a couple onlies that are better behaved than my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have found many onlies to be brats but agree with others, it's more the parents than the kids fault. In DD's preschool class, the two kids who are onlys are the worst most troublesome kids in the class. I was shocked when I co-opted and saw their behavior.

I love all the mom's of the only's saying their kid is perfect- what mom is going to say their child is selfish, doesn't like to share and is a brat?! And your perspective really does change once you have two.

Even with three kids, my kids always look presentable so that person saying you have more kids and you don't have time is just crazy. Some people with one kid have their kids in dirty rags for clothes- it's more about the parent.

Thank you. It is absolutely about the parent. My (non-only) child acts up once in a while, and when DC does, it is at the MOST inopportune time! Of course, the ones to claim THEIR child is perfect and would NEVER do that happen to be the moms of ONLIES. They will not give another mother a break, or consider that each child is different. DC is always reprimanded and receives a just punishment.

Mind you, I have seen the only child friend do the *exact same misbehavior* as DC- and thinking no one noticed it, and pretending not to notice it herself, the mom of the only actually ignored it completely. And my kid is supposed to be crucified? Are you kidding me?

Must be nice, living in a bubble. Until it pops.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Ha! The worst play date DS and I have ever been to was with a 5 year old who had a 4 year old sister. He was bossy, rude, wouldn't share, said some mean things to DS, etc.

I don't think it is an only thing.

[Anonymous]

Agree thats its not an only thing. DS isn't an only but several of his best buddies are (boys and girls) and they are all great. Totally kids and parenting dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's funny, OP. I don't like when my only plays with kids who have siblings. They're so competitive since they have to compete for attention at home, and they're always disheveled because their parents aren't able to give them the time and attention required to tidy them up.

Get a life and stop reinforcing negative stereotypes.

You may think us parents of onlies are self-centered (and sure, some are) but you're a straight up B.

+1
My only, now 7, always shared and doesn't have a dominant personality. It really irritates me when generalizations about only children are made.

[Anonymous]

I think you've missed the entire point of the playdate - it's for *you* to get a break! The kids entertain each other, get some social interaction, and don't continuosly come to you with requests for help with coloring, reading a story, help reaching this that or the other . . . if you are paying enough attention to notice, let alone care, that the play mate is some what self-centered, then I'm guessing the playdate actually isn't serving it's purpose or you're hovering too much.

If your kid likes the other kid, then back off and relax! That's the whole point. If the kids aren't getting along, schedule a playdate with some one else next time, so you can back to the relaxation agenda.