Crazy shit my mom says

[Anonymous]

My nother calls a cigarette & a cup of coffee a Whore's Breakfast!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nother calls a cigarette & a cup of coffee a Whore's Breakfast!

Ok, I see a lot of whores in the morning then.

[Anonymous]

When my sister was about ten she slipped of her bike seat and hit the bar hard, breaking her hymen. She of course flipped out when she went home and their was blood in her underwear. She went crying to our mother who looked at her and told her it was alright. It just wasn't supposed to happen until she was 25 or married.

25 or married is what I tell my kids now too.

[Anonymous]

My mother likes to make up pneumonics to remember things. She was so proud of her memory device to remember my aunt's phone number. The exchange was the same but the last four digits were the year my aunt got married (1987) and the year before my sister was born (1965)....also known as 8765. I told her I thought counting backwards from 8 would be easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's sex talk:

"keep your dress down."

That was my entire sex talk.

Perfect. My Dad thought he was hilarious, so when I would go out on a date wearing a sweater, he would always say "Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes." My mother would just point at me on my way out.

My mom's sex talk consisted of "Keep one foot on the floor."

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't keeping the nickle between the knees work better?

[Anonymous]

My mom is pretty freaked out about Google Earth, she wants to send them a letter requesting them to black out her house.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to tell people she was a tea bagger until I told her what that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom: You know Michelle Obama always wears wigs!
Me: No mom, I think you're wrong about that.
Mom: No, I know! I can tell!!!!

OMG. Are we sisters because my mom says the exact same thing about Michelle O

[Anonymous]

Back when my sister and I were in our 20s, during a period when my sister didn't happen to be seeing anyone, my mother asked me the following questions (on 3 separate occasions):

1. Since Sister didn't meet her husband in college, where will she meet him? [She seemed truly bewildered.]

2. Do you think Sister is a lesbian. She isn't married yet.

3. Aren't you worried that Sister will turn out like Single Favorite Aunt*?

*For the record, Single Favorite Aunt has never married, has a daughter she adopted, and seems to really love her fantastic life. One could do a lot worse than turn out like her.

In each case, I told my mother she needed to ask my sister those questions - I was not going to discuss her love life behind her back.

The funny thing is that my mother is a raging feminist hippie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is pretty freaked out about Google Earth, she wants to send them a letter requesting them to black out her house.

Think they had to blur the faces of people caught by their roaming Google maps camera.

[Anonymous]

OP here
when my
brother was about 22 my mother asked his college roommate if my brother was" really sexual because his father hadn't been at that age."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My pussy smells like a hamburger joint."

"You can't go out and drink yourself to death every time a turd comes out sideways."

This made me laugh so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back when my sister and I were in our 20s, during a period when my sister didn't happen to be seeing anyone, my mother asked me the following questions (on 3 separate occasions):

1. Since Sister didn't meet her husband in college, where will she meet him? [She seemed truly bewildered.]

2. Do you think Sister is a lesbian. She isn't married yet.

3. Aren't you worried that Sister will turn out like Single Favorite Aunt*?

*For the record, Single Favorite Aunt has never married, has a daughter she adopted, and seems to really love her fantastic life. One could do a lot worse than turn out like her.

In each case, I told my mother she needed to ask my sister those questions - I was not going to discuss her love life behind her back.

The funny thing is that my mother is a raging feminist hippie.

My mother used to refer to me, not jokingly, to family and friends as her spinster daughter. I got married when I was 29.

[Anonymous]

My mom calls a treadmill a "walkathon."