Do you invite MIL to shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And just because no one else has said it, you owe your husband an apology because you have an obligation to stand up for him and facilitate the relationship b/w your unborn child and your DH's family. You're failing to meet that obligation, and then playing dumb about it. Part of marriage is putting your spouse's needs at least equal to your own, and inviting his mom and sister is something he shouldn't even have to ask for.

You're being pretty generous there - I'm not at all sure she's playing.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL and SIL should be included. Very important.

[Anonymous]

They are your family now. Invite them. This would be a seriously insipid thing to start a feud over, and you're not even married yet.

[Anonymous]

Um, look atthe OP's reply. Her SIL is helping plan the party, meaning, the SIL doesn't think the MIL needs to be invited. Yeah, I'd say OP is stuck between sides here and there's alot we don't know guys. I have two MILs and four grandmas myself, and not everyone gets invited to everything (although each is invited to something).

I still vote to invite the MIL and all SILs. And your mom and all your sisters. But I'm not the hostess, and as others have pointed out, we don't know how many there are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, look atthe OP's reply. Her SIL is helping plan the party, meaning, the SIL doesn't think the MIL needs to be invited. Yeah, I'd say OP is stuck between sides here and there's alot we don't know guys. I have two MILs and four grandmas myself, and not everyone gets invited to everything (although each is invited to something).

I still vote to invite the MIL and all SILs. And your mom and all your sisters. But I'm not the hostess, and as others have pointed out, we don't know how many there are.

I assumed the SIL that is hosting it is on her side of the family and not her DHs side. Her MIL is on DHs side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, look atthe OP's reply. Her SIL is helping plan the party, meaning, the SIL doesn't think the MIL needs to be invited. Yeah, I'd say OP is stuck between sides here and there's alot we don't know guys. I have two MILs and four grandmas myself, and not everyone gets invited to everything (although each is invited to something).

I still vote to invite the MIL and all SILs. And your mom and all your sisters. But I'm not the hostess, and as others have pointed out, we don't know how many there are.

Her original post says "my brother's wife" and my mother. That's the SIL who is trowing her he shower, not her husband's sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

Unfortunately, while you get along great with them now, if you don't do something about this, you will start down the path to not having so great a relationship with them. As you've pointed out, this is the first grandchild on both sides. Your MIL is just as invested in this first child of the next generation as your mother is. While you may be able to understand her justification of such an egregious breach of etiquette and manners, your MIL probably will not and will feel that YOU were the one that prevented her from celebrating her first grandchild's welcome to the world. It is very strange when the parents of the child (e.g. you and your husband) are not consulted on the guest list. This is much like not consulting a bride and groom on who to invite to a wedding shower or wedding. Anyone excluded will automatically assume that you set the guest list and excluded those people you didn't want. You will be the one bearing the brunt of hurt feelings, in some cases, for years to come. If you are willing to accept that and have to make amends to those people you hurt, then go ahead, continue to be complacent and accept your mother's breach of etiquette. If you are not, then you need to speak up before those invitations go out. Otherwise, you are at fault for letting this happen.

This response is correct on all points. OP, please consider what's been said here.

[Anonymous]

If your mom is attending, I cannot believe you would even consider not including your MIL at your baby shower (regardless if who is throwing it); that is... unless you're already on bad turns with your MIL. If you don't include her - you are surely starting a bad relationship. I don't blame your husband one bit for being upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandmas to be are usually the first people on the invite list.

I agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

The thing you did wrong is to not ask your mom and SIL if there would be a problem with sending an invite to your MIL and SIL. No one said anything about 'demanding' they be invited, but why would you think they 'don't want to' invite your husband's closest relatives? It is generally accepted that the grandmother of the baby is invited - regardless of whether she is your mom or your husband's.

I'll go a step further and say that it's unusual and rude (unless they don't know) that your mom and SIL didn't think your MIL should be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. [b]I'm uncomfortable demanding [/b]they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

OP, you don't seem to be getting the point here that your mom and SIL should have included your MIL and SIL in the first place. Hopefully, they'll be grateful that you've caught the oversight and want to do what's right and polite.

[Anonymous]

Why is it such a big deal to invite 2 extra people? That are related to your baby? Would you care if you werent invited to your grandbaby's shower?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing the OP is going to be on here posting about how she hates her MIL in six months or less. And she'll be so surprised at how their relationship has gone downhill since the baby was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing the OP is going to be on here posting about how she hates her MIL in six months or less. And she'll be so surprised at how their relationship has gone downhill since the baby was born.

Yes, and why didn't MIL send a baby gift, and why doesn't she offer to watch the baby or do XYZ. Either that or OP will be bitching about how her demanding MIL wants to spend Christmas with the baby and she already has plans with her family and just...whyyyyy?

I cannot imagine being this obtuse.

[Anonymous]

I can't stand my MIL 95% of the time and even I would have insisted she be invited if my shower was throw by/included only my family. (I can't even believe I'm actually posting something pro-MIL!) In fact, my mother would never leave her off the list - it's just not right. Think about how you'd like to be treated years from now if YOU are the MIL in this situation.

You must not have a great relationship with your own mother if you can't simply ask her to invite your MIL and SIL.