Do you invite MIL to shower?
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Anonymous
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My brother's wife and my mom are throwing me a shower. She said last night the guest list is done and the invitations can go out after I make a registry. I told DH we need to register, and he asked if I provided his mother's and sisters' addresses. I said no, my family didn't ask for them. They didn't ask for my friends' addresses either. I figure they want to keep it to my side of the family. After all, it's being held at my cousin's house 2 hours away.
DH was livid, demanded that I call her back and insist we invite his mom and sisters. I said no way, we should be grateful and let them throw the shower they want and invite who they want. They're paying for it. Then he said he would reimburse them the cost to invite his family. (which is us paying for them) Now I'm not sure what to do. I feel strongly that we should butt out and be grateful; he feels strongly that his family should come. Help? |
Anonymous
| I think your MIL and SIL should be invited. This is your DH's baby too and there's really no reason to exclude them. Sure it's not proper etiquette to add guests to the guest list but it's your mom and your SIL throwing it, not just friends. |
Anonymous
| Yes, they should be invited. I am not a fan of my MIL at all but absolutely include her in events like this. If you think it will be awkward to have her there you could always have DH (or you if you are close to her) let her know she is the only out of town guest and shouldn't feel obligated to attend. |
Anonymous
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Generally, I would say that you should invite your MIL to your shower (if you have a decent relationship with her). But if this shower is exclusively your side of the family, and hosted by your mom, I think that's ok.
Why don't you give your mom a call? Don't tell her everything your DH has been saying, just ask if it's only family and say you were wondering if inviting your MIL and SILs might be the right thing to do. Bigger picture: Do you get along with your MIL and SILs? Are they generally respectful or are they huge boundary-crossers? Is DH worried his mom is getting "left out"? Is his mom complaining that she's getting left out (whether that's justified or not)? Would you want them at shower? There's some weird changes that can happen in family dynamics when babies come along, particularly the first grandchild. Your MIL shouldn't expect to be as involved as your mom, but reaching out a little might help the situation a bit. |
Anonymous
| Why would you not invite your MIL and SIL? If I were your husband, I'd be pretty annoyed. |
Anonymous
| Inviting them is an easy way for you to win some relationship points with your in-laws. If your mom and SIL know that it is important to you (or to your husband) then they shouldn't have a problem with adding two people to the event to make your home life a little smoother. |
Anonymous
+1. I can't believe you were thinking of not inviting them. My mother and I (and I think a couple other close female relatives) went to a shower for my sister-in-law, thrown by her family. It would never have occurred to me that we wouldn't be invited to the shower for my first niece/nephew. |
Anonymous
Totally agree. You have NO say who is invited to your shower?!? It's your mom who is throwing it? Say "mom, I would really mean a lot to me, my husband and to his family if we could invite his mom and sister." I can't believe you WOULDN'T invite them, your husband is totally right on this. If 2 hours is too far, they'll decline. |
Anonymous
| i would invite them. now that i'm married, i see my husband's family as my own, and would feel incredibly rude not inviting them to a baby shower or any other important event. |
Anonymous
| My MIL and SIL threw my shower, but if my mom had thrown it I definitely would have expected my inlaws be invited. |
Anonymous
| I hate my MIL, and I still would have insisted had she not been included in my baby shower. It's just the right thing to do. |
Anonymous
| Of course you do!! My sister's baby shower was held 3 hours away from me and 7 hours away from my mom. We were still invited and we attended!! DH is right to be upset. |
Anonymous
| If my mother asked me for a guest list of people I wanted to invite I would definitely put the in-laws on the list. But if she invited just her side of the family I would not. |
Anonymous
+1000. I had 2 baby showers: one here thrown by friends, one in a different state thrown by friends of my MIL. Our baby's grandmothers (and great grandmothers) were invited to both (my husband is an only). My MIL didn't make it to the one here, my Mom went to both. But I can't imagine purposefully excluding your MIL. As a SIL I would have been incredibly hurt to be excluded from my SIL's shower (and she would have never considered it.) And as the mother of 2 girls, baring some crazy extenuating circumstance you can be damn sure I will invite their MILs to any such event if I'm lucky enough to get grandchildren - they will be their grandchildren too. |
Anonymous
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"Sure it's not proper etiquette to add guests to the guest list but it's your mom and your SIL throwing it, not just friends."
Also not proper etiquette for family members to host wedding/baby showers. |