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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.[/quote]

Unfortunately, while you get along great with them now, if you don't do something about this, you will start down the path to not having so great a relationship with them.  As you've pointed out, this is the first grandchild on both sides.  Your MIL is just as invested in this first child of the next generation as your mother is.  While you may be able to understand her justification of such an egregious breach of etiquette and manners, your MIL probably will not and will feel that YOU were the one that prevented her from celebrating her first grandchild's welcome to the world.  It is very strange when the parents of the child (e.g. you and your  husband) are not consulted on the guest list.  This is much like not consulting a bride and groom on who to invite to a wedding shower or wedding.  Anyone excluded will automatically assume that you set the guest list and excluded those people you didn't want.  You will be the one bearing the brunt of hurt feelings, in some cases, for years to come.  If you are willing to accept that and have to make amends to those people you hurt, then go ahead, continue to be complacent and accept your mother's breach of etiquette.  If you are not, then you need to speak up before those invitations go out.  Otherwise, you are at fault for letting this happen.[/quote]

This response is correct on all points. OP, please consider what's been said here. [/quote]

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