I Hate Houseguests

[Anonymous]

I would bet your wife's family is kind.

It is very difficult to stay with or accommodate people if they are passive aggressive jackasses looking for trouble at every turn.

[Anonymous]

I always stress about house guests, but when they come, it's never as bad as I had anticipated. I've out coffee makers in each room, I provide pre-made breakfast items and tell people to help themselves in the morning and I don't invite thoughtless people back.

[Anonymous]

If they could just clean up their own pubes from the bathroom floor when they leave...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the reasons I married an Asian woman is their willingness to be accepting of guests ..... and especially family who they don't even view as guests. She has taught me a lot and as a result I am also very accepting and welcoming of family and other guests.

DW's parents and other relatives have visited us numerous times and in the case of the parents for weeks at a time. She is just as welcoming of my parents and siblings and they just love her. Her parents who live abroad when they do visit spend at least three months with us. It is not a bother at all. My parents come more often but for a couple of weeks at a time. Our children are close to their grandparents and uncles and aunts as well as their cousins.

Does it cause an element of disruption in our lives ....... sure it does but OTOH, there is so much we gain from the closeness and the bonds that have resulted. The treatment is reciprocated when we visit them overseas. They insist on giving up their own bedroom because it is larger and more comfortable although we are loathe to inconvenience them because they have excellent guest rooms that are very comfortable. It is very much a cultural thing because our comfort is all important to them.

Reading some of the comments here affirms for me the wisdom of having married into a culture that is so much more family-oriented than appears to be represented by the comments on this thread. We would never think of asking family members or even friends stay at a hotel and, yes, we have picked people up at the airport at midnight on occasion even though tell us they will take a taxi or rent a car. We won't hear of it ..... picking them up from the airport is part of the hospitality we accord them.

Oh, in case anyone thinks that DW fits the stereotype of the demure Asian woman, believe me that nothing could be further from the truth. She is a highly educated, professional woman who went to a couple of the best colleges in the US and makes a substantial income. She is assertive and opinionated but has her priorities right.

Now flame away ...........

How large is your house?

5 bedrooms & 4 1/2 baths. Four children with the two youngest sharing a bedroom. One bedroom is a dedicated guest room. We have house guests - mostly family but also some friends - for more than half the year.

Mi casa es su casa ......

No matter how large the house, I could not handle 6+ months a year with house guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the reasons I married an Asian woman is their willingness to be accepting of guests ..... and especially family who they don't even view as guests. She has taught me a lot and as a result I am also very accepting and welcoming of family and other guests.

DW's parents and other relatives have visited us numerous times and in the case of the parents for weeks at a time. She is just as welcoming of my parents and siblings and they just love her. Her parents who live abroad when they do visit spend at least three months with us. It is not a bother at all. My parents come more often but for a couple of weeks at a time. Our children are close to their grandparents and uncles and aunts as well as their cousins.

Does it cause an element of disruption in our lives ....... sure it does but OTOH, there is so much we gain from the closeness and the bonds that have resulted. The treatment is reciprocated when we visit them overseas. They insist on giving up their own bedroom because it is larger and more comfortable although we are loathe to inconvenience them because they have excellent guest rooms that are very comfortable. It is very much a cultural thing because our comfort is all important to them.

Reading some of the comments here affirms for me the wisdom of having married into a culture that is so much more family-oriented than appears to be represented by the comments on this thread. We would never think of asking family members or even friends stay at a hotel and, yes, we have picked people up at the airport at midnight on occasion even though tell us they will take a taxi or rent a car. We won't hear of it ..... picking them up from the airport is part of the hospitality we accord them.

Oh, in case anyone thinks that DW fits the stereotype of the demure Asian woman, believe me that nothing could be further from the truth. She is a highly educated, professional woman who went to a couple of the best colleges in the US and makes a substantial income. She is assertive and opinionated but has her priorities right.

Now flame away ...........

Did you pick her out of a mail order bride catalog? It seems weird that you sought out an Asian to marry because of their willingness to be accepting of guests. Can anyone suggest a race of people that do not particularly like having to open their home to guests that stay for weeks at a time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thanks for explaining, PP (I'm the poster you replied to). As others have commented in response to your additional details, I think one main difference is that you do seem to have ample space in which to welcome guests (friends/family) comfortably. We just don't have this now at all. It is also extremely fortunate that your in-laws can speak English (at least mostly your FIL). In my case, the extended family do not speak English (maybe a few words, just like me in their language); so that, coupled with the lack of space and my nature of being more introverted/private, make it challenging to find enjoyment in spending extended time together. There is only so much gesticulation one can do, although we all do try our best.

If there is a language problem, it would clearly make it quite frustrating - so I empathize with your predicament.

Your point - and that made by others - regarding having the amenities to accommodate family and friends admittedly makes things easier. However, we did not always have the spacious house we now have. Even when we had three bedrooms we had as many guests as we do today. It just made things more crowded and caused more dislocation. A roll-away bed was frequently brought into use and children had to vacate their rooms. One of the reasons we have a dedicated guest room - and make the younger children share a room - is to minimize the dislocation with the constant stream of guests.

But ultimately, there is a certain mindset that comes into play when dealing with guests and especially family who stay with us for lengthy periods ..... and not feeling that one's privacy is being invaded. One can have all the space and amenities but if one views having house guests as being a nuisance and disruptive, it will cause tension and not be a pleasant experience.

Although the majority - perhaps two-thirds - of the guests we have are related/connected to DW, there are a fair number whose relationship is more with me. I am close to my parents and siblings and we have been able to maintain our close relationship because we all feel welcome when we visit and stay with each other.

Quite honestly, the greatest benefit has been for our children who are very close to their grand-parents, uncles, aunts and cousins. It offers them a support system that is often lacking for families in the US.

Anonymous wrote:
I would bet your wife's family is kind.

It is very difficult to stay with or accommodate people if they are passive aggressive jackasses looking for trouble at every turn.

They are very kind, considerate and generous.

About the only issue that came up with one of the relatives early in our marriage was smoking in the house - which happens a lot in the East and even in parts of Europe. We insisted that if anyone wants to smoke, they have to do it outside.

[Anonymous]

I hate WITH PASSION having houseguests, especially, when they are my husband's grown children. They also expect we pick them up at the airport and drop them off-no matter the time. They expect the fridge to be full of all types of goods, etc. Their sense of entitlement makes me sick. My husband does't see that way and think his children just want to see him, but I know that what they want is a vacation on their father-PRETTY DISGUSTING!

[Anonymous]

I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Then I hate myself for hating it because I feel unkind. Its an ugly viscous cycle.

So now I just don't have guests and I'm unapologetic about it. Anyone mentions staying over? Oh sorry! I don't do house guests!

Some people struggle with addiction, others infidelity... I struggle with people in my space. If it really bothered me, Id work on it. But quite frankly I have no desire to start enjoying people in my home

[Anonymous]

My brother won't talk to me now because I wouldn't let him stay at my house for a week. Having people here sucks.

[Anonymous]

It is expensive, given the amount of food they Hoover and the beverages they suck down. And we are talking three full meals a day for a week, with the exception of one lunch and one dinner out (we pay). It takes me a week, at least, to recover. I am an introvert and I was so happy to hear others, here, talk about recharging after forced socializing. I am 35 years old and learning that others have similar experiences really helped.

[Anonymous]

No houseguest here but I have a roommate who needed a place to stay temporarily. And now it's been 9 months. This thread reminds me exactly why I hate having a roommate and want them to leave. I feel like my personal space is invaded and I just want the place to myself. Ugh at least houseguests leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate WITH PASSION having houseguests, especially, when they are my husband's grown children. They also expect we pick them up at the airport and drop them off-no matter the time. They expect the fridge to be full of all types of goods, etc. Their sense of entitlement makes me sick. My husband does't see that way and think his children just want to see him, but I know that what they want is a vacation on their father-PRETTY DISGUSTING!

You are the #1 reason I'm glad my parents stayed married. These are his kids! And they're coming to visit him. Geez. Our parents would be thrilled if we came and ate their food because it means we're visiting them. Evil stepmother.

[Anonymous]

I have a long term house guest at the moment (relative here as a summer intern) and it doesn't really bother me at all. Maybe because I made it quite clear in advance that I don't cook at all; she is responsible for feeding herself. I have very little to do "for" her. She has her own breakfast food, eats lunch at the office, and dinner is whatever she happens to be able to make/find/buy. (I don't mind her eating stuff that is in my fridge). Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No houseguest here but I have a roommate who needed a place to stay temporarily. And now it's been 9 months. This thread reminds me exactly why I hate having a roommate and want them to leave. I feel like my personal space is invaded and I just want the place to myself. Ugh at least houseguests leave.

Housemates and houseguests are not the same thing. You don't host a roommate, they pay room/board and share a house (including all the chores) with you. With houseguests you are the host which means you worry about cleaning/cooking/shopping/entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate WITH PASSION having houseguests, especially, when they are my husband's grown children. They also expect we pick them up at the airport and drop them off-no matter the time. They expect the fridge to be full of all types of goods, etc. Their sense of entitlement makes me sick. My husband does't see that way and think his children just want to see him, but I know that what they want is a vacation on their father-PRETTY DISGUSTING!

You are the #1 reason I'm glad my parents stayed married. These are his kids! And they're coming to visit him. Geez. Our parents would be thrilled if we came and ate their food because it means we're visiting them. Evil stepmother.

Wow. What a bitch the evil step mom PP is. Seriously. Stepmom, your attitude is heartbreaking.

Where do you live that you think these kids want "a vacation on their father"? What's so great about being where you are?
Are these kids paying to fly? How old are they?