I Hate Houseguests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and my mom still has things in the fridge for me, dh and our kids. She stocks the fridge with our special treats and we treat her to dinner out. We help with cooking/cleaning up.

I would feel really sad - even at my old age - if she married some old grouch that resented the crap out of us and thought that her putting sodas in the fridge for us was an undoable expense and burden.

+1. My 92 year old Dad loves to pick me up if I come in during the day. Otherwise, my brother gets me. The frig is always full of my favorite local foods and I always have cheerful company even if I am eating a late meal. How sad to feel like you are an imposition in your father's home. I hope he has a pre-nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you encourage and get your relatives to stay in a hotel? We have a beach house. I love to see them, love to visit with them, love to do things with them, but its all soured by excess groceries, either them cooking or me cooking causing the kitchen to be totally trashed, the 16 loads of laundry when they leave, the bathroom filth when they leave, everyone is in such a hurry to catch a plane or get on the road, they just zoom out and say thanks, I'm left with days of cleaning. It would be a lot more fun if they showered and cooked elsewhere. South Carolina beach mama

This exactly. Right down to them rushing out on the departure day. Leaves me to do ALL the close out work, locking up items(we rent out house when not there) etc. And, being asked "what do you have planned for dinner" at 10 AM each day of my vacation, makes me a little crazy. My husband doesn't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you encourage and get your relatives to stay in a hotel? We have a beach house. I love to see them, love to visit with them, love to do things with them, but its all soured by excess groceries, either them cooking or me cooking causing the kitchen to be totally trashed, the 16 loads of laundry when they leave, the bathroom filth when they leave, everyone is in such a hurry to catch a plane or get on the road, they just zoom out and say thanks, I'm left with days of cleaning. It would be a lot more fun if they showered and cooked elsewhere. South Carolina beach mama

This exactly. Right down to them rushing out on the departure day. Leaves me to do ALL the close out work, locking up items(we rent out house when not there) etc. And, being asked "what do you have planned for dinner" at 10 AM each day of my vacation, makes me a little crazy. My husband doesn't understand.

It's up to you, as the host, to lay out expectations for the visit when you extend the invitation. If you say, "Come on down for the weekend," with no outline of close processes or meal plans, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Beach mom,

We had a vacation place growing up and there were no guests whatsoever the last week of the summer before we left for the season. None. We had a bunch of stuff to do to get the place ready to be closed up so there was no entertaining that week. Also, all guests were given information on what to expect. Breakfast is serve yourself and clean up after yourself. Lunch is leftovers and sandwiches, help yourself and clean up after yourself. Dinner is grilled and served. Kids do the dishes. Our kids will show your kids the ropes. PS. We did the dishes for the whole day. On the departure morning, guests were asked to strip their beds and leave linens on their beds and to put towels and wash cloths in the washer. Mom had the first load running before they left.

We also did not leave our place to go sightseeing with guests. If they wanted to go out sightseeing, they were welcome to do so but we typically only left when it was a bad weather day. Sunny, warm days are spent in the water.

If my mom ever did not want guests, we never knew it. And by no means did she do all the work herself. Kids did dishes and folded laundry. Dad grilled and grocery shopped. After a short time, we had a roster of guests who were great and the shitty ones did not get asked back. The good ones rolled the kids in the car and took us all out for ice cream at night and brought wine and beer for the adults. If we had a rainy day, good guests would treat everyone to movies or a museum visit. If I am ever lucky enough to buy a vacation home, I hope I am as graceful as my mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beach mom,

We had a vacation place growing up and there were no guests whatsoever the last week of the summer before we left for the season. None. We had a bunch of stuff to do to get the place ready to be closed up so there was no entertaining that week. Also, all guests were given information on what to expect. Breakfast is serve yourself and clean up after yourself. Lunch is leftovers and sandwiches, help yourself and clean up after yourself. Dinner is grilled and served. Kids do the dishes. Our kids will show your kids the ropes. PS. We did the dishes for the whole day. On the departure morning, guests were asked to strip their beds and leave linens on their beds and to put towels and wash cloths in the washer. Mom had the first load running before they left.

We also did not leave our place to go sightseeing with guests. If they wanted to go out sightseeing, they were welcome to do so but we typically only left when it was a bad weather day. Sunny, warm days are spent in the water.

If my mom ever did not want guests, we never knew it. And by no means did she do all the work herself. Kids did dishes and folded laundry. Dad grilled and grocery shopped. After a short time, we had a roster of guests who were great and the shitty ones did not get asked back. The good ones rolled the kids in the car and took us all out for ice cream at night and brought wine and beer for the adults. If we had a rainy day, good guests would treat everyone to movies or a museum visit. If I am ever lucky enough to buy a vacation home, I hope I am as graceful as my mom and dad.

Wonderful! THIS is being a good host--direct communication vs. silently stewing and harboring resentments. We have a lake cottage, and this is very similar to how we operate.

[Anonymous]

I note Wicked Stepmom has not returned. Ashamed much WS? You should be

Oh and let me guess- were you his affair partner before this marriage???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate WITH PASSION having houseguests, especially, when they are my husband's grown children. They also expect we pick them up at the airport and drop them off-no matter the time. They expect the fridge to be full of all types of goods, etc. Their sense of entitlement makes me sick. My husband does't see that way and think his children just want to see him, but I know that what they want is a vacation on their father-PRETTY DISGUSTING!

Your husband certainly picked a winner.

[Anonymous]

what happened to the step mom?