Reply to I Hate Houseguests

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Thanks for explaining, PP (I'm the poster you replied to). As others have commented in response to your additional details, I think one main difference is that you do seem to have ample space in which to welcome guests (friends/family) comfortably. We just don't have this now at all. It is also extremely fortunate that your in-laws can speak English (at least mostly your FIL). In my case, the extended family do not speak English (maybe a few words, just like me in their language); so that, coupled with the lack of space and my nature of being more introverted/private, make it challenging to find enjoyment in spending extended time together. There is only so much gesticulation one can do, although we all do try our best.[/quote]

If there is a language problem, it would clearly make it quite frustrating - so I empathize with your predicament.

Your point - and that made by others - regarding having the amenities to accommodate family and friends admittedly makes things easier. However, we did not always have the spacious house we now have. Even when we had three bedrooms we had as many guests as we do today. It just made things more crowded and caused more dislocation. A roll-away bed was frequently brought into use and children had to vacate their rooms. One of the reasons we have a dedicated guest room - and make the younger children share a room - is to minimize the dislocation with the constant stream of guests.

But ultimately, there is a certain mindset that comes into play when dealing with guests and especially family who stay with us for lengthy periods ..... and not feeling that one's privacy is being invaded. One can have all the space and amenities but if one views having house guests as being a nuisance and disruptive, it will cause tension and not be a pleasant experience.

Although the majority - perhaps two-thirds - of the guests we have are related/connected to DW, there are a fair number whose relationship is more with me. I am close to my parents and siblings and we have been able to maintain our close relationship because we all feel welcome when we visit and stay with each other.

Quite honestly, the greatest benefit has been for our children who are very close to their grand-parents, uncles, aunts and cousins. It offers them a support system that is often lacking for families in the US.

[quote=Anonymous]
I would bet your wife's family is kind.

It is very difficult to stay with or accommodate people if they are passive aggressive jackasses looking for trouble at every turn.

[/quote]

They are very kind, considerate and generous.

About the only issue that came up with one of the relatives early in our marriage was smoking in the house - which happens a lot in the East and even in parts of Europe. We insisted that if anyone wants to smoke, they have to do it outside. [/quote]

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