What's going on on DCUM??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Wait, I'm confused. How do you know how old people are who post on here?

I'm not the PP you quoted, but I also agree that the people on here seem young. I don't know how old posters are, but based on the style of writing, expressions used, pop-culture references, etc..it often just sounds to me like it's a young person posting -- someone in the age range of, say, 21-26, who just doesn't have the same maturity level or wisdom as an older person.

[Anonymous]

I'm 26...I rarely ever participate in the snark. Please do not lump people my age together and assume we are all immature and don't have the same level of wisdom. I have read plenty of posts from people who "appear" older and they are just as snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Wait, I'm confused. How do you know how old people are who post on here?

I'm not the PP you quoted, but I also agree that the people on here seem young. I don't know how old posters are, but based on the style of writing, expressions used, pop-culture references, etc..it often just sounds to me like it's a young person posting -- someone in the age range of, say, 21-26, who just doesn't have the same maturity level or wisdom as an older person.

That might have been how you were as a 25 year old; that's not how I was, and I appreciate it if you'd knock off the age related stereotyping. Or I could offer to go get you a cold washcloth for your hot flash, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many meanies are actually on dcum. Maybe it's just a few losers posting over and over again, trying to make it look like a lot. Or just one very bored person.

Maybe Jeff can tell us if the mean comments tend to come from the same place?

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many meanies are actually on dcum. Maybe it's just a few losers posting over and over again, trying to make it look like a lot. Or just one very bored person.

Maybe Jeff can tell us if the mean comments tend to come from the same place?

First, those of you have speeketh what shouldn't be spoketh, please stop. I have removed your messages. There is a long weekend coming up and I want to enjoy it.

There is no one explanation regarding the source of mean comments. They come from lots of places. However, it seems that just about anyone is likely to post a "mean" post on occasion. Some of our most helpful and substantive posters are also our biggest transgressors. There is also an issue that a lot is in the eye of the beholder. There are users who feel they have been brutally attacked after posts with which I struggle to identify any real offense. Similarly, there are posters who are quite mean, but seem completely oblivious to it. Those whose soul purpose appears to be taking out their anger on others are very small in number and easily discouraged from continuing to frequent DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Wait, I'm confused. How do you know how old people are who post on here?

I'm not the PP you quoted, but I also agree that the people on here seem young. I don't know how old posters are, but based on the style of writing, expressions used, pop-culture references, etc..it often just sounds to me like it's a young person posting -- someone in the age range of, say, 21-26, who just doesn't have the same maturity level or wisdom as an older person.

That might have been how you were as a 25 year old; that's not how I was, and I appreciate it if you'd knock off the age related stereotyping. Or I could offer to go get you a cold washcloth for your hot flash, I suppose.

I'm the PP you quoted. I am 36 now. I completely agree that that's how I was at 21-26 (i.e., immature, less overall wisdom). That's partly on what I'm basing my judgment about the ages of people here. I see some posts and think, that's what I might have thought/said/done/whatever when I was 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 26...I rarely ever participate in the snark. Please do not lump people my age together and assume we are all immature and don't have the same level of wisdom. I have read plenty of posts from people who "appear" older and they are just as snarky.

It wasn't my intention to insult anyone with my comment about less wisdom/maturity at younger ages. I think it's universally generally the case that younger people are more immature and have less wisdom. I include myself in that, too. It's just life. You grow, you learn, you mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I suppose the blogger got a bit of a raw deal, if you buy that she had no idea someone had posted her blog on here, which I'm still not sure I do. But the fact is, when you post offensive viewpoints on the internet, whether it's DCUM or your own blog, you can't really be surprised when people react. Nobody broke into this woman's computer and read her diary. She wanted other moms to read her blog and that's exactly what happened. If everyone on DCUM had loved it, she would have been thrilled that so many people had read it. The truth is nobody said anything that bad about her personally. In fact, everyone seemed to agree that she is pretty and has a cute kid. The negative feeback was about her writing and her opinions, the things she put out for public consumption. And nobody posted any information about her that she herself had not already allowed to be public. If you choose to get in the sandbox and start throwing sand, you can't be surprised when it gets thrown back at you too.

PP, in all fairness, someone DID post a couple of entries claiming to have found out the blogger's name, address, and the name of her husband's business. I suppose it wasn't hard to do, given all the information the blogger voluntarily diclosed on her blog, but still it was too much, and looked rather creepy. Jeff later deleted those pages.

That said, my opinion about that blog hasn't changed. It is pretty pathetic.

Did they actually post this information or just claim to have found it? Was it information that was public or did the person have to use some kind of pay service or computer hacking to get it?

They posted a link to her LinkedIn with her full name. I suppose it is public information, but someone did go through all the trouble to look it up. I admit, I only glanced through those pages, but the discussion about her education and work experience got pretty nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're right, it's not a peer-reviewed journal, but I wasn't using credibility in the sense that all the facts are checked. What I meant by it is that this forum should be a free exchange of ideas. Running to Jeff or threatening Jeff every time you (and I don't mean you personally; it's a global use of the word) disagree with a post or find it to be too mean-spirited damages the notion of freely exchanging ideas. While it may be a privately-owned site so a person's right to free speech doesn't apply (check the FAQ section for details), if a free exchange of ideas is not allowed, however mean, inaccurate, etc., they may be, then all it becomes is a forum to promote your own agenda -- and I suspect this is NOT what the originators of DCUM had in mind when they created the site.

This forum isn't just a place for the 'free exchange of ideas'. It's a place people come for advice or information on specific issues. If I start a thread looking for information on something, what you call a 'free exchange of ideas' could be interfering with my quest for information and the thread I started is of no use to me. Jeff and Maria have been pretty clear that they want this site to useful. If some responders are unable to keep to the question asked and the OP requests that responses to stay on topic, I have no problem with the OP contacting Jeff and Maria for intervention. You are always welcome to start your own thread for your free exchange of ideas, just don't hijack someone else's.

If you really want good, solid advice, an anonymous forum where tangents are very likely to occur is not the place to do it. Consult a friend, doctor, colleague, or family member instead and stop whining to Jeff and Maria that nobody is addressing your needs because they are having a tangential dicussion in a thread you started. You don't own DCUM! Start your own version if you want people to only stick to your topic. I think plenty of people will agree that sometimes those tangential discussions can be way more informative or interesting than what the OP originally had in mind -- and that's what keeps us coming back.

So, your need/desire to go off on a tangent is more important than someone’s request for information or advice? I don’t understand why you find it so difficult to start your own thread. I’ve gotten great advice on DCUM about things I’m only comfortable posting about anonymously or about things I really don’t know who to ask. Sure, some tangents may get started (and people often apologize about it) and that’s fine but when a thread gets hijacked or when people start spewing, it discourages others interested in the OP from engaging. In those cases, I have no problem asking for an intervention. If Jeff/Maria think it’s appropriate, they will - and it doesn't seem to have a negative effect on the site traffic. You don’t like it. So what? You don’t own DCUMs. If you don’t like having your posts deleted or told to stay on topic and don’t want to start a new thread where you can discuss something of interest to YOU, stop bitching and moaning and start your own site. Just because YOU find a hijack informative or helpful doesn’t mean an OP can’t ask that the thread she started be kept on topic so she can get what she’s looking for. Your need doesn't outweigh hers. If a tangent is so informative or helpful, it’ll get plenty of traffic on a new thread and an OP can get what she's looking for. That's a win-win.