What's going on on DCUM??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Me too. Maybe I'm an old fogey, although I'm not all that old.

I disagree that "often" the meaner posts are well-written or funny. The word "coarse" is more accurate. Often the mean poster obviously *thinks* s/he's amazingly witty -- and it shows in a sad, sad way. But many mean posts fall short, because real wit requires subtlety and slyness, not a sledgehammer. A poster who's all up in your face is never going to be Mark Twain.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Ok, if you feel that the site is no longer for you, does not serve your demographic, or is filled with people that you don't care to associate with, I don't understand why you don't simply cease to use it. What is the purpose of continuing to post how mean you feel posters are? I don't see the point.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a feeling that the change in culture you're describing isn't unique to DCUM. Over the last few years we, as a society, have grown increasingly comfortable with the concept of voicing our opinions on various online platforms. When we do this anonymously, we've grown used to the idea that we won't be held accountable (or at least identified with) our stated beliefs.

I think DCUM is a microcosm of an online culture that, for better or worse, has become a little too comfortable with our anonymous online identities. I'm not saying that anonymity doesn't have it's benefits, but it certainly has it's cultural consequences as well.

Some grad student is probably writing their dissertation about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Wait, I'm confused. How do you know how old people are who post on here?

[Anonymous]

I have to say that I often think (probably unfairly) that some of the meaner, more closed-minded posts come from some (not all obviously) of the older posters. At least, they have their own brand of meanness. They're the ones who seem the most likely to scold you for not keeping your kids in check, for cosleeping, breastfeeding, not writing thank you notes quickly enough, daring to question your doctor, etc. Basically, you don't do -what-you're-told! Then there are some younger ones who want to use you to score a point, you're not a person, you're just fodder for whatever they think is their soundbite.

I'm probably one of the fogeys at 39, or closer to them, so I really don't mean to be rude either way. There is often really ugly behavior on this website but there are great moments of human kindness, as well. We're all writing for ourselves, and we consider the other posters as a collateral piece of the whole thing at best, part of a game we are playing. I definitely do it sometimes, I'll zing someone and then later feel crappy about it, if I remember, that is. I also find myself thinking that they "deserved it" sometimes - for being offensive or sometimes, just for being stupid.

I'm not like that in real life. I mean, I'll confront someone or disagree, but I'm not a pissant. Sometimes I think I can be that way on here. I'm also easily baited. I even have to admit that occasionally, a series of confrontational posts on here has actually put me into a bad mood. I've actually spent much less time on here in recent weeks because of just this.

Well, that was rambling! I assume i'll get flamed for length and non-germaneness.

[Anonymous]

I'm not CL, I'm Spartacus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like DCUM exactly the way it is. I would have no interest in coming on here if it was all pleasant and polite and babycenter-like. Sometimes I feel more connected to people on DCUM than people in real life, because people on here say what I'm thinking in my head but would never say out loud. I love knowing that other people are thinking these things too. And very often, the supposedly "mean" posts are also cogently written, interesting, and funny as hell. Good luck finding that on babycenter.

OP here. This here is why I think it's an age thing. I've definitely been aged out of DCUM. I don't think anyone I know is like this IRL or anonymously.

Me too. Maybe I'm an old fogey, although I'm not all that old.

I disagree that "often" the meaner posts are well-written or funny. The word "coarse" is more accurate. Often the mean poster obviously *thinks* s/he's amazingly witty -- and it shows in a sad, sad way. But many mean posts fall short, because real wit requires subtlety and slyness, not a sledgehammer. A poster who's all up in your face is never going to be Mark Twain.

I agree and I'm not old at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CL here. It's just that everything is so hard and serious and important. I have to hold my kids while I poop. We can't eat in the car - I'm not even sure if we have one. DH has an incredible amazing job that he can't quit and can't be fired from yet I'm worried about money so I need tips on how to save. I also can't walk since I have psoriasis and it's a disability so judging me would be cruel. I think my kids are here in the house, but it's hard to tell since I'm on DCUM ALL DAY LONG. If I even have kids - I might be lying.

Okay, I'm 45, up at 4am because, who knows, it's probably hormonal, and I find myself laughing out loud more often than not when I'm reading DCUM. Case in point is the post above with the Willy Wonka meme. Or the "I am Spartacus!"

There are mean trolls who throw in nasty one-liners laced with obscenities, and they should be ignored. But for the most part, folks are trying to respond intelligently. What sets DCUM apart from other sites is its snark. The anonymity, like democracy, can be messy sometimes. In the end, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CL here. It's just that everything is so hard and serious and important. I have to hold my kids while I poop. We can't eat in the car - I'm not even sure if we have one. DH has an incredible amazing job that he can't quit and can't be fired from yet I'm worried about money so I need tips on how to save. I also can't walk since I have psoriasis and it's a disability so judging me would be cruel. I think my kids are here in the house, but it's hard to tell since I'm on DCUM ALL DAY LONG. If I even have kids - I might be lying.

Okay, I'm 45, up at 4am because, who knows, it's probably hormonal, and I find myself laughing out loud more often than not when I'm reading DCUM. Case in point is the post above with the Willy Wonka meme. Or the "I am Spartacus!"

There are mean trolls who throw in nasty one-liners laced with obscenities, and they should be ignored. But for the most part, folks are trying to respond intelligently. What sets DCUM apart from other sites is its snark. The anonymity, like democracy, can be messy sometimes. In the end, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

Ditto. And besides, the snark here, while sometimes distasteful and off-putting, does reflect a fair amount of smarts and wit. I view it as free entertainment.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you've been on DCUM long enough, you'll remember another blogger that was eventually banned. She posted stuff that was awful and meant only to stir up trouble.

Trouble is not a new phenomenon on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I suppose the blogger got a bit of a raw deal, if you buy that she had no idea someone had posted her blog on here, which I'm still not sure I do. But the fact is, when you post offensive viewpoints on the internet, whether it's DCUM or your own blog, you can't really be surprised when people react. Nobody broke into this woman's computer and read her diary. She wanted other moms to read her blog and that's exactly what happened. If everyone on DCUM had loved it, she would have been thrilled that so many people had read it. The truth is nobody said anything that bad about her personally. In fact, everyone seemed to agree that she is pretty and has a cute kid. The negative feeback was about her writing and her opinions, the things she put out for public consumption. And nobody posted any information about her that she herself had not already allowed to be public. If you choose to get in the sandbox and start throwing sand, you can't be surprised when it gets thrown back at you too.

PP, in all fairness, someone DID post a couple of entries claiming to have found out the blogger's name, address, and the name of her husband's business. I suppose it wasn't hard to do, given all the information the blogger voluntarily diclosed on her blog, but still it was too much, and looked rather creepy. Jeff later deleted those pages.

That said, my opinion about that blog hasn't changed. It is pretty pathetic.

Did they actually post this information or just claim to have found it? Was it information that was public or did the person have to use some kind of pay service or computer hacking to get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you're right, it's not a peer-reviewed journal, but I wasn't using credibility in the sense that all the facts are checked. What I meant by it is that this forum should be a free exchange of ideas. Running to Jeff or threatening Jeff every time you (and I don't mean you personally; it's a global use of the word) disagree with a post or find it to be too mean-spirited damages the notion of freely exchanging ideas. While it may be a privately-owned site so a person's right to free speech doesn't apply (check the FAQ section for details), if a free exchange of ideas is not allowed, however mean, inaccurate, etc., they may be, then all it becomes is a forum to promote your own agenda -- and I suspect this is NOT what the originators of DCUM had in mind when they created the site.

This forum isn't just a place for the 'free exchange of ideas'. It's a place people come for advice or information on specific issues. If I start a thread looking for information on something, what you call a 'free exchange of ideas' could be interfering with my quest for information and the thread I started is of no use to me. Jeff and Maria have been pretty clear that they want this site to useful. If some responders are unable to keep to the question asked and the OP requests that responses to stay on topic, I have no problem with the OP contacting Jeff and Maria for intervention. You are always welcome to start your own thread for your free exchange of ideas, just don't hijack someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're right, it's not a peer-reviewed journal, but I wasn't using credibility in the sense that all the facts are checked. What I meant by it is that this forum should be a free exchange of ideas. Running to Jeff or threatening Jeff every time you (and I don't mean you personally; it's a global use of the word) disagree with a post or find it to be too mean-spirited damages the notion of freely exchanging ideas. While it may be a privately-owned site so a person's right to free speech doesn't apply (check the FAQ section for details), if a free exchange of ideas is not allowed, however mean, inaccurate, etc., they may be, then all it becomes is a forum to promote your own agenda -- and I suspect this is NOT what the originators of DCUM had in mind when they created the site.

This forum isn't just a place for the 'free exchange of ideas'. It's a place people come for advice or information on specific issues. If I start a thread looking for information on something, what you call a 'free exchange of ideas' could be interfering with my quest for information and the thread I started is of no use to me. Jeff and Maria have been pretty clear that they want this site to useful. If some responders are unable to keep to the question asked and the OP requests that responses to stay on topic, I have no problem with the OP contacting Jeff and Maria for intervention. You are always welcome to start your own thread for your free exchange of ideas, just don't hijack someone else's.

If you really want good, solid advice, an anonymous forum where tangents are very likely to occur is not the place to do it. Consult a friend, doctor, colleague, or family member instead and stop whining to Jeff and Maria that nobody is addressing your needs because they are having a tangential dicussion in a thread you started. You don't own DCUM! Start your own version if you want people to only stick to your topic. I think plenty of people will agree that sometimes those tangential discussions can be way more informative or interesting than what the OP originally had in mind -- and that's what keeps us coming back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if we all pretend to be CL, she'll get confused and leave.

That is hilarious!! Let's do this!!

Yeah! Let's totally gang up on some stranger on the internet and become cyberbullies like the kids are doing these days

Shame on both PP. SHAME. Get a life. And SHAME on whatever anonymous coward posted identifying info about the other "poster" with the "controversial" blog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if we all pretend to be CL, she'll get confused and leave.

That is hilarious!! Let's do this!!

Yeah! Let's totally gang up on some stranger on the internet and become cyberbullies like the kids are doing these days

Shame on both PP. SHAME. Get a life. And SHAME on whatever anonymous coward posted identifying info about the other "poster" with the "controversial" blog.

+1