Why do White People seem so happy most of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that I am always so tense and wrapped up in day to day activities just to make end's meet and secure myself and my child's future.

I find that most of the White people that I meet however have this carefree happy go lucky personality/attitude about life.

How come you all are able to be so happy most of the time?

Is there anything that I can do in my own life to be happy like you?

I'm so happy, I LOL'd at the title of this thread.

No really, I did.

I wish you could find joy in your life too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's deeply socially ingrained. If you can't say something nice don't say anything. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Courtesy in general. Also, most of us lack the assumption that the world is out to get us, so there's less of a chip on the shoulder on a daily basis. I hear a lot of AAs complaining about being "disrespected". That's not really on my personal radar. I guess all this,could add up to seeming happy. Though my HHI is less than half OP's. I have serious problems and worries in my life. I just don't think it's appropriate to put it on others through rude behavior on my part.

Black woman here. I will say that respect is a pretty big thing among the black people I grew up with/around. Unless you are a minority, you probably won't get it. I will say that being treated second-best, not being given the benefit of the doubt, having to prove yourself and/or being met with suspicion, gets old after so many encounters. I wouldn't call it a chip on the shoulder though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's deeply socially ingrained. If you can't say something nice don't say anything. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Courtesy in general. Also, most of us lack the assumption that the world is out to get us, so there's less of a chip on the shoulder on a daily basis. I hear a lot of AAs complaining about being "disrespected". That's not really on my personal radar. I guess all this,could add up to seeming happy. Though my HHI is less than half OP's. I have serious problems and worries in my life. I just don't think it's appropriate to put it on others through rude behavior on my part.

Black woman here. I will say that respect is a pretty big thing among the black people I grew up with/around. Unless you are a minority, you probably won't get it. I will say that being treated second-best, not being given the benefit of the doubt, having to prove yourself and/or being met with suspicion, gets old after so many encounters. I wouldn't call it a chip on the shoulder though.

It's a vicious cycle though, isn't it? On the one hand, yes, you probably do need to be more attuned to people trying to treat you second best so you can stand up for yourself. On the other hand, a lot of people are socially clueless, awkward, or just preoccupied and it is easy to see their behavior as disrespectful when it has nothing at all to do with you. The people I know, of any color, who are finely attuned to respect as an issue see more disrespect from others than is really there. We all know at least one white man like this, don't we?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not believe that on average white women bottle up their emotions. People express emotions differently.

If they're not bottling their emotions, what is going on with them? The low self-esteem, high suicide rates, high eating disorder rates, and weaker interpersonal relationships are very alarming. But it seems like many in this thread think that it's all a-ok since they smile at strangers.

[Anonymous]

^Also add the higher rates of depression and antidepressant usage to the list of things that are alarming. Forgot to type those.

[Anonymous]

I think there are some women who are genuinely happy without being rich - why does this concept escape most people? Are people that stupid to believe money makes people happy? If you think so, you will never be happy - I can guarantee that!

You can get busy living or get busy dying. Your choice.

When I see an AAW (as an example) with that scowl on her face, I think she has problems in the head, like no ability to cope. That's not my problem. Plenty of people have debilitating health issues and money problems and they don't go through life being miserable. What's the point? I think they are far wiser than those who want to take their troubles out on the next guy. Because the next guy could not care less about you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some women who are genuinely happy without being rich - why does this concept escape most people? Are people that stupid to believe money makes people happy? If you think so, you will never be happy - I can guarantee that!

You can get busy living or get busy dying. Your choice.

When I see an AAW (as an example) with that scowl on her face, I think she has problems in the head, like no ability to cope. That's not my problem. Plenty of people have debilitating health issues and money problems and they don't go through life being miserable. What's the point? I think they are far wiser than those who want to take their troubles out on the next guy. Because the next guy could not care less about you!

You're judging this based on her facial expression? That bizarre, especially because your conclusion is that she cannot cope. Studies have shown that black women have better coping mechanisms with adversity than ANY other racial+gender group. So judging coping skills by facial expressions is a fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you please describe specific attitudes and behaviors that you have observed, that made you ask the initial question? And how do they differ in whites and blacks, given your blended heritage and experience?

OP Here. Regarding the specific attitudes and behaviors...this is a very difficult question for me to answer. I am having a hard time putting "it" into words because "it" is in most cases an intangible "vibe" that is given off.

There is one recent example that comes to mind. This example deals with a white person's response to a situation as opposed to a black person's response to a situation...

I was on the Metro, near the end of rush hour, a few weeks back and there was a young professional black lady in her late 20's early 30's sitting in a seat near me. It looked as though she was going home from work. A white guy got on the train with a bike and stood in front of the lady and had his bike angled so that his front wheel was in between her legs and every time the train stopped or he moved his bike it kept bumping into the lady's legs.

The first couple of times the lady was bumped by the wheel the lady just moved the wheel off of her and angled the wheel in another direction so that it would stop touching her but every time the guy kept angling the steering wheel back to the original angle pointing to inbetween the womans legs.

Finally, the woman got tired of the bike touching her so she asked the guy with the bike (not in the nicest tone of voice) if he could move his bike out of the way and he told her to calm down. She went off on him and said that she would not calm down and that she deserved to be able to sit on the train without his dirty bike wheel bumping into her at every stop. She said that if he did it again she was going to kick his bike.

A white person sitting in the seat across from her got up and offered to switch seats and said that its really not that big of a deal and that he would happily sit in her seat closer to the bike. There was another white man who was just about to get off to exit the train and just as he was leaving he turned to the guy with the bike and said 'nice bike man.' I happened to get off the train with the black lady and I saw this guy come up to her and he basically said in so many words 'it's not that serious look at what you are wearing anyways its not like you're all dressed up.'

From this scenario the vibe I got was that the other white men on the train that were close to the epicenter of the issue and who witnessed what happened seemed to side with the white biker over the black lady and acted like it was no big deal that the guys bike wheel was bumping into her at every stop much less invading her personal space by angling the bike wheel between her legs. Maybe this could be crossing into territory or sexism? Not sure, but the other white people around just didnt seem to think that it was that big a deal and didnt get upset about it but just dismissed it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds sexist, rude, and annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP, your description at 14:16 goes to the respect/disrespect issue. I'm white and if a guy did that to me, I'd be annoyed but I wouldn't assume he was trying to be disrespectful. Maybe the black woman thought he wouldn't dare do that to a white woman, and that would piss me off for sure if I were her and I thought that.

I'm not sure this goes to happiness. It does go to whether small interactions in public with someone you don't know have any meaning to you. They have no meaning to me. Call if white priviledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your description at 14:16 goes to the respect/disrespect issue. I'm white and if a guy did that to me, I'd be annoyed but I wouldn't assume he was trying to be disrespectful. Maybe the black woman thought he wouldn't dare do that to a white woman, and that would piss me off for sure if I were her and I thought that.

I'm not sure this goes to happiness. It does go to whether small interactions in public with someone you don't know have any meaning to you. They have no meaning to me. Call if white priviledge.

To add, it may also have to do with how she said it and how a person who didn't feel disrespected would say it. I would have said, in a voice meant only for him, "can you find a way to keep the bike from hitting in between my legs?" and I assume he would have stopped. If he told her to calm down and other men on the train heard it all, she must have gotten loud with him. I'm not saying he didn't deserve it but I don't see the point of doing it.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone care to explain (or attempt to explain) the pervasiveness of low self-esteem in white culture?

[Anonymous]

NP here. I think I get what OP was trying to say in 14:16. Its not neccessarily about the incident that occurred but about the white people's response vs. the black lady's response. I think it more speaks to the frame of mind that each of the people were in when they responded the way that they did. The white people in this story seem to be in a more easygoing non chalant frame of mind while the black lady was more tightly wound, if this makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that I am always so tense and wrapped up in day to day activities just to make end's meet and secure myself and my child's future.

I find that most of the White people that I meet however have this carefree happy go lucky personality/attitude about life.

How come you all are able to be so happy most of the time?

Is there anything that I can do in my own life to be happy like you?

white power!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I think I get what OP was trying to say in 14:16. Its not neccessarily about the incident that occurred but about the white people's response vs. the black lady's response. I think it more speaks to the frame of mind that each of the people were in when they responded the way that they did. The white people in this story seem to be in a more easygoing non chalant frame of mind while the black lady was more tightly wound, if this makes any sense.

But the young woman was the only person actually being touched by the dirty bike, right? Of course she had a different response.