My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the people who say go get therapy are probably men who spend little time with their children and don’t understand what it’s like to literally be touched all day, often in private areas of your body.

OP, I relate and probably hate the touching even more than you do. I am a SAHM (not by choice but that’s another post) and my child touches me nearly 24/7. Breastfeeding already made me feel violated, then you have the nonstop touching and refusal to respect boundaries of the toddler years and I just want to jump out of my skin most days. It’s very hard to be constantly crawled all over, bounced on, hugged, hair pulled, breasts touched, pushed, hung on, etc. I guarantee most adults would not like it but they forget what it was like with their own kids or if they are men, they have never experienced it and can’t understand.

You’re not weird, OP. Try to redirect subtly when you can. Gentle say no when you truly can’t take it. Try to meet sensory needs other ways. Grinning and bearing it has not felt healthy for me.

They are working moms who think they are perfect because they can parent perfectly for 2 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

I also am not big on physical touch but I make sure to start the day with a cuddle and give a cuddle right before bed.

[Anonymous]

I am a very touchy person and even i feel touched out with two kids. Both mine need physical touch. I initiate- but also now ask for consent when hugging or kidding to model it. And i have a hard rule of no touching me when I'm eating. Occasional break for a hug is ok (my 5 year old is anxious about starting K) but otherwise, if i am eating, no touching me.
I agree that you need to use all the other ways to show affection more as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people who say go get therapy are probably men who spend little time with their children and don’t understand what it’s like to literally be touched all day, often in private areas of your body.

OP, I relate and probably hate the touching even more than you do. I am a SAHM (not by choice but that’s another post) and my child touches me nearly 24/7. Breastfeeding already made me feel violated, then you have the nonstop touching and refusal to respect boundaries of the toddler years and I just want to jump out of my skin most days. It’s very hard to be constantly crawled all over, bounced on, hugged, hair pulled, breasts touched, pushed, hung on, etc. I guarantee most adults would not like it but they forget what it was like with their own kids or if they are men, they have never experienced it and can’t understand.

You’re not weird, OP. Try to redirect subtly when you can. Gentle say no when you truly can’t take it. Try to meet sensory needs other ways. Grinning and bearing it has not felt healthy for me.

They are working moms who think they are perfect because they can parent perfectly for 2 hours a day.

You’re probably right, actually. I, too, can parent perfectly and tolerate and even enjoy endless touching for 2 hours a day. Probably even 6 hours a day!

But that leaves the other 6 waking hours each day with my child who is constantly touching me. So I start to fray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people who say go get therapy are probably men who spend little time with their children and don’t understand what it’s like to literally be touched all day, often in private areas of your body.

OP, I relate and probably hate the touching even more than you do. I am a SAHM (not by choice but that’s another post) and my child touches me nearly 24/7. Breastfeeding already made me feel violated, then you have the nonstop touching and refusal to respect boundaries of the toddler years and I just want to jump out of my skin most days. It’s very hard to be constantly crawled all over, bounced on, hugged, hair pulled, breasts touched, pushed, hung on, etc. I guarantee most adults would not like it but they forget what it was like with their own kids or if they are men, they have never experienced it and can’t understand.

You’re not weird, OP. Try to redirect subtly when you can. Gentle say no when you truly can’t take it. Try to meet sensory needs other ways. Grinning and bearing it has not felt healthy for me.

They are working moms who think they are perfect because they can parent perfectly for 2 hours a day.

You’re probably right, actually. I, too, can parent perfectly and tolerate and even enjoy endless touching for 2 hours a day. Probably even 6 hours a day!

But that leaves the other 6 waking hours each day with my child who is constantly touching me. So I start to fray.

After you have been gone for 10 hours you actually miss them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the people who say go get therapy are probably men who spend little time with their children and don’t understand what it’s like to literally be touched all day, often in private areas of your body.

OP, I relate and probably hate the touching even more than you do. I am a SAHM (not by choice but that’s another post) and my child touches me nearly 24/7. Breastfeeding already made me feel violated, then you have the nonstop touching and refusal to respect boundaries of the toddler years and I just want to jump out of my skin most days. It’s very hard to be constantly crawled all over, bounced on, hugged, hair pulled, breasts touched, pushed, hung on, etc. I guarantee most adults would not like it but they forget what it was like with their own kids or if they are men, they have never experienced it and can’t understand.

You’re not weird, OP. Try to redirect subtly when you can. Gentle say no when you truly can’t take it. Try to meet sensory needs other ways. Grinning and bearing it has not felt healthy for me.

+1

I also agree with other PPs who suggested putting a firm boundary around the dinner hand-holding.

[Anonymous]

When you become a parent you have to put your needs and wants in the backburner. I thrive on sleeping 10 hours every night nd having all the free time in the world for my creative endeavors but with a toddler I accept it's not going to happen. If I were you I would just deal with it and give your toddler the physical affection she craves otherwise risk having her feel rejected.

[Anonymous]

“Love languages” have been debunked. All of us need all of the love languages to feel loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you become a parent you have to put your needs and wants in the backburner. I thrive on sleeping 10 hours every night nd having all the free time in the world for my creative endeavors but with a toddler I accept it's not going to happen. If I were you I would just deal with it and give your toddler the physical affection she craves otherwise risk having her feel rejected.

No. I did that for 2 years and became a bad mother because I was getting 4 hours of broken sleep a night and was horrifically sleep deprived and touched out. Balance is needed. Moms actually are people too. I don’t say that as a platitude. People have physical limits. Babies need healthy moms. Motherhood is a marathon, and if you have a super demanding baby and toddler and you treat the ultra demanding years like a sprint you need to just grit and endure, if can really negatively affect your family.

Balance is so important. You have to recognize your limits and say no sometimes even when it’s their legitimate needs against yours.

[Anonymous]

Have not read all posts so maybe someone suggested… have you thought of a dog?

I am very affectionate with my two dc but one does not like a lot of touch, and the other does! With the non- touch dc, a dog was great for them as allowed for love and affection but I guess more on their terms. Certainly will not take your place but may give you a break?

Just an idea. And know, all of us ( even super affectionate parents) can feel touched out at end of the day. You sound like a very loving mom. Wishing you well.