If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I feel that some of the more critizing posters are missing about having a spouse in these jobs and saying how important family time is etc, is that several of us are able to be home with our children because of our spouse's income. My kids get me all day everyday, they get my husband every morning (and I get his help) and we spend most weekends together. Yes he misses dinner with the kids, but he and I normally eat together. There are plenty of trade offs in life, but if you're argument against having a spouse in these jobs is not spending quality time, then remember that my kids get their mother (who is thrilled to be able to) home with them, and we don't need to rush around every morning, put them in day care and then race home for the magical family dinner. Don't get me wrong - that is very important, but I feel lucky to be able to give them my time and we get lots and lots of time as a family AND as a couple - we make it a priority AND I think his firm is a tad more family friendly, so maybe that helps.

This is my family too.

[Anonymous]

I find it hysterical that people are so vicious toward biglaw spouses who say they are happy. As if no one, NO ONE could possibly arrive at a satisfactory arrangement other than what you choose for yourself. As if everyone who doesn't live like you MUST be unhappy, and if they say they aren't, they MUST be lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see the biggest threat not to the kids, but to the marriage. Even though money can oay for extra help, mom (and it is almost always mom) will end up being a virtual single parent. A nanny can make this technically ceasible, but not emotionally. If the wife is happy to take on this role - and doesn't care about her career - then it can work. But it often ends in bitterness and alienation.

i agree with this part. i cannot fathom being SAHM no matter how many zillions my husband made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hysterical that people are so vicious toward biglaw spouses who say they are happy. As if no one, NO ONE could possibly arrive at a satisfactory arrangement other than what you choose for yourself. As if everyone who doesn't live like you MUST be unhappy, and if they say they aren't, they MUST be lying.

You already said that. It's because the arrangement is objectively not what would work for the vast majority of partnerships. There is a concept of sharing and togetherness inherently missing in the BigLaw lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I feel that some of the more critizing posters are missing about having a spouse in these jobs and saying how important family time is etc, is that several of us are able to be home with our children because of our spouse's income. My kids get me all day everyday, they get my husband every morning (and I get his help) and we spend most weekends together. Yes he misses dinner with the kids, but he and I normally eat together. There are plenty of trade offs in life, but if you're argument against having a spouse in these jobs is not spending quality time, then remember that my kids get their mother (who is thrilled to be able to) home with them, and we don't need to rush around every morning, put them in day care and then race home for the magical family dinner. Don't get me wrong - that is very important, but I feel lucky to be able to give them my time and we get lots and lots of time as a family AND as a couple - we make it a priority AND I think his firm is a tad more family friendly, so maybe that helps.

Careful, the naysaying non big law spouses are gonna come after you. Because surely you can't have figured out how to make it work and be happy. Congrats, btw.

People explain and rationalize all the time. Of course, each person has the right to figure out what works best for them. It runs the gamut . . . ever heard Jennifer Lopez talk up her lifestyle?! I think many posters here are attempting (and it's hard through anonymous comments that could be from one or more posters) to say that, at the end of one's life, relationships gave it the greatest meaning. Relationships do require the investment of time. Sometimes, when you're young and in the thick of it all and chasing all that's golden, it's not as clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hysterical that people are so vicious toward biglaw spouses who say they are happy. As if no one, NO ONE could possibly arrive at a satisfactory arrangement other than what you choose for yourself. As if everyone who doesn't live like you MUST be unhappy, and if they say they aren't, they MUST be lying. [/


I know?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I feel that some of the more critizing posters are missing about having a spouse in these jobs and saying how important family time is etc, is that several of us are able to be home with our children because of our spouse's income. My kids get me all day everyday, they get my husband every morning (and I get his help) and we spend most weekends together. Yes he misses dinner with the kids, but he and I normally eat together. There are plenty of trade offs in life, but if you're argument against having a spouse in these jobs is not spending quality time, then remember that my kids get their mother (who is thrilled to be able to) home with them, and we don't need to rush around every morning, put them in day care and then race home for the magical family dinner. Don't get me wrong - that is very important, but I feel lucky to be able to give them my time and we get lots and lots of time as a family AND as a couple - we make it a priority AND I think his firm is a tad more family friendly, so maybe that helps.

Careful, the naysaying non big law spouses are gonna come after you. Because surely you can't have figured out how to make it work and be happy. Congrats, btw.

People explain and rationalize all the time. Of course, each person has the right to figure out what works best for them. It runs the gamut . . . ever heard Jennifer Lopez talk up her lifestyle?! I think many posters here are attempting (and it's hard through anonymous comments that could be from one or more posters) to say that, at the end of one's life, relationships gave it the greatest meaning. Relationships do require the investment of time. Sometimes, when you're young and in the thick of it all and chasing all that's golden, it's not as clear.

I know you'll dispute it, but I've been happily married 25 years and have been a biglaw partner and for 10 years have been the SAH spouse of biglaw partner. I feel very fortunate and an happy with my life. Go ahead, tell me I must be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Not wrong -- just the minority.

[Anonymous]

These schedules make me feel tired just reading about them. How do people not burn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not wrong -- just the minority.

So you say. I'm curious how many of the relationship specialist posters here are actually biglaw spouses.

[Anonymous]

in answer to OP's original question - I think that is pretty much the norm in my experience, except for the morning part. DH and I are both up in the mornings with the kids - he does not sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not wrong -- just the minority.

So you say. I'm curious how many of the relationship specialist posters here are actually biglaw spouses.

I posted the minority comment. You are right: I'm not married to a biglaw spouse. I make my comments as a counsel at a big law firm. I have lots of disconnected, adrift colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Another answer to OP's question. Your husband's schedule sounds pretty typical to me. DH leaves earlier and comes home a bit earlier than your husband, but his schedule is pretty much the same. He is very present on the weekends, particularly Saturday (does a half day working most Sundays) and does get the kids started in the morning with breakfast before he heads out the door. But he's not home during the week for dinner with the kids (though he and I usually have dinner together every night). We also make a point to have family vacations of a week or more two or three times a year. Have a couple of friends with husbands in big law and their schedules are similar.

It is not easy, but it works for us. My husband loves his work, but he loves his family dearly too. We fit in quality time into every possible minute we can. Do I wish I saw him more? Yes! But I think I'd feel that way in any event. Friends whose husbands work more typical 9 - 6 jobs complain that their husbands aren't present, helpful, engaged, etc. So having a more conventional job doesn't mean you're automatically more devoted to your kids and wife.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the ladies know what they are getting into from the get-go. In fact, I am dealing with a vendor and this young girl is engaged to an attorney. She leaves meetings with a to-do list of errands for him -- pick up dry cleaning, run to bank, post office, etc. In the days that they were dating, etc. she was already doing his laundry, and baiting him with the benefits of her skills to help him out. When I asked her why she does this, she said frankly that he is really busy at this job and makes a lot more than her. Unfortunately, for these young ladies, you make your bed early this way and you shall lay in it forever, until he finds that young associate more enthralling than you !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I feel that some of the more critizing posters are missing about having a spouse in these jobs and saying how important family time is etc, is that several of us are able to be home with our children because of our spouse's income. My kids get me all day everyday, they get my husband every morning (and I get his help) and we spend most weekends together. Yes he misses dinner with the kids, but he and I normally eat together. There are plenty of trade offs in life, but if you're argument against having a spouse in these jobs is not spending quality time, then remember that my kids get their mother (who is thrilled to be able to) home with them, and we don't need to rush around every morning, put them in day care and then race home for the magical family dinner. Don't get me wrong - that is very important, but I feel lucky to be able to give them my time and we get lots and lots of time as a family AND as a couple - we make it a priority AND I think his firm is a tad more family friendly, so maybe that helps.

Sorry, but you are missing the point. We are talking about the difference between a spouse working constant extreme hours or more conventional hours. No parameters on whether or not there is a SAHM.