If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. Partners work more than associates, not less. My DH is an equity partner at a national law firm. He is insanely busy, but he has an office here at home. He is adamant about carving out time with me and the kids, and has always made us his priority. He comes home for dinner (we eat at 6) and to spend time with our kids every day unless he is traveling, which he does rarely. We took three great vacations this year. We also have a date night every week.

Look, can everyone do this? Maybe not, but lots of them just don't try. My DH has been criticized by other lawyers for "making them look bad." But in the age of telecommuting, most lawyers don't HAVE to be at the office for so many hours.

This hasn't been our experience, though it probably depends on the practice and person. DH has substantially cut down his workload over the years, but he built a good book of business in a small area of Biglaw. Leaves btwn 8:30-9 and is home between 7-8, and at 6 on Fridays. Kids are in elementary, so they see him daily. He travels occasionally, but he doesn't work outside those hours if home, including no weekend work for at least 3 years now. If it's slow, like during the holidays, he'll pick up the kids from school. Then again he brings in 450K, so that's paltry as a biglaw partner. But, for us, it's a perfect trade off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. Partners work more than associates, not less. My DH is an equity partner at a national law firm. He is insanely busy, but he has an office here at home. He is adamant about carving out time with me and the kids, and has always made us his priority. He comes home for dinner (we eat at 6) and to spend time with our kids every day unless he is traveling, which he does rarely. We took three great vacations this year. We also have a date night every week.

Look, can everyone do this? Maybe not, but lots of them just don't try. My DH has been criticized by other lawyers for "making them look bad." But in the age of telecommuting, most lawyers don't HAVE to be at the office for so many hours.

This hasn't been our experience, though it probably depends on the practice and person. DH has substantially cut down his workload over the years, but he built a good book of business in a small area of Biglaw. Leaves btwn 8:30-9 and is home between 7-8, and at 6 on Fridays. Kids are in elementary, so they see him daily. He travels occasionally, but he doesn't work outside those hours if home, including no weekend work for at least 3 years now. If it's slow, like during the holidays, he'll pick up the kids from school. Then again he brings in 450K, so that's paltry as a biglaw partner. But, for us, it's a perfect trade off.

That's something to brag about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Home at 7. Helps put kids to bed, then works more.

Makes breakfast. Leaves house at 9.

Makes $500K. Not a million but the kids spend time with him every day. I work too. More flexible hours and much less money. It is my job to order diapers, put away toys, etc.

It's all relative. My DH is home by 6:30 (not BigLaw) and makes 350K. I say that's pretty damn good. 500K is a LOT of money.

Same for my DH. He also doesn't work all weekend long. I will take the trade-off for 150K any day of the week.

He also never misses any big events at school including conferences, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a partner and I am an OBGYN. We work many hours and yes we make a ton of money but our kids are much closer to the nanny than either of us. I do wish that we had made some different choices in school but it is what it is. I would never openly admit this to anyone in person but I personally wish I had a life more like my sisters. She works 30 hours a week and her husband works 40. They only make around 50k a year but they live in an area where the cost of living is much lower. They are truly best friends and spend a lot a time together. They have been married 10 years and have the best marriage of anyone I know. They travel all over the world and have a lot of fulfilling hobbies together and apart. They have chosen to live a child free life but honestly it looks pretty good to me. Our kids are also probably closer to them than they are to me and my husband. Maybe I am just having a bad day, but sometimes I just wish I had a connection in life like she has with her husband.

This makes me so sad for you and especially for your children. You just said it yourself, your kids are closer to your nanny.

Make some changes before it's too late for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Can I revamp this topic?!!

If your husband is never home and is ALWAYS working on multiple matters at a time, how do you keep your relationship strong? My husband is not happy and is really blaming me for a lot of his unhappiness. He says I don't show him any love or affection, but he doesn't get home until I'm already asleep. Then in the morning, I'm up with the toddlers. We don't see each other at all. He is sending me emails that I used to send him 6 years ago when he was an associate working late. He says I never take his calls, but it is usually at bedtime. He doesn't feel appreciate.

Help. This sucks. I cry a lot at night, my dream of a two parent household with the kids and the dog that all my family thinks is picture perfect is very lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I revamp this topic?!!

If your husband is never home and is ALWAYS working on multiple matters at a time, how do you keep your relationship strong? My husband is not happy and is really blaming me for a lot of his unhappiness. He says I don't show him any love or affection, but he doesn't get home until I'm already asleep. Then in the morning, I'm up with the toddlers. We don't see each other at all. He is sending me emails that I used to send him 6 years ago when he was an associate working late. He says I never take his calls, but it is usually at bedtime. He doesn't feel appreciate.

Help. This sucks. I cry a lot at night, my dream of a two parent household with the kids and the dog that all my family thinks is picture perfect is very lonely.

It is hard to convey how much the practice of law sucks. There is no reason to do this other than for the money. But that's reason enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I revamp this topic?!!

If your husband is never home and is ALWAYS working on multiple matters at a time, how do you keep your relationship strong? My husband is not happy and is really blaming me for a lot of his unhappiness. He says I don't show him any love or affection, but he doesn't get home until I'm already asleep. Then in the morning, I'm up with the toddlers. We don't see each other at all. He is sending me emails that I used to send him 6 years ago when he was an associate working late. He says I never take his calls, but it is usually at bedtime. He doesn't feel appreciate.

Help. This sucks. I cry a lot at night, my dream of a two parent household with the kids and the dog that all my family thinks is picture perfect is very lonely.

I find it to be a very interesting topic.

My husband is a professor in a discipline that does not require a lab for research, so apart from teaching, he can work from home whenever he wants.
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because I'll have to work when we have kids (we are TTC now), which makes me feel ridiculous now reading this because we are super close and have lots of time to be together. He'll also be able to help get kids ready for daycare and bring them to and from daycare no problem. When I read stories like yours I really feel for you. That sounds very difficult and you sound very lonely. Hugs.

Have you tried emailing him in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed in a manner similar to the way you did when he was an associate working late? It sounds like those emails really helped him feel close to you. I know it's not easy to feel close when you barely see each other, but I do think small things like this can make a big difference.

For 2 years my relationship with DH was long distance, and we spoke for about 30 minutes per day on the phone. Of course we did not have kids, so it was possible to find 30 minutes? Is there any way you could take your husband's calls in the evening? Start small and go from there...

Good luck OP. Money is also a great thing. If you hang on through the difficult period with little kids, you may have more opportunities to be close later on.

[Anonymous]

I find this thread so bizarre.

My DH just quit a 250k/yr job for a 190k job after only 8 months because he was bent out of shape that it didn't leave enough time to coach both our boys sports. My boys absolutely adore their father. He comes home and they crawl all over him. He truly is their superhero. Many of your husband's are really missing out on the best part of life. This window for our kids is so small.we are soaking up every second because in just a few short years they will be independent and have their own lives. Luckily for my boys as they become men will have a solid foundation that only an involved father can help build.

I can't imagine that a child who only sees his dad a few days a week for a few minutes a day really even has significantly bonded with that parent. As a mom to boys I feel particularly bad for thr little boys out there because I see first hand how much boys crave the attention and physical bond they need with their fathers. I'm no replacement or substitute for him.

[Anonymous]

Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Sales is radically changing. I hope you're prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Wow. Are you selling magic beans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Sales is radically changing. I hope you're prepared.

Prepared for what? Do you thinks he's new at this?

You build a customer base and that just gets stronger over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Wow. Are you selling magic beans?

No. Datacenter infrastructure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Sales is radically changing. I hope you're prepared.

Prepared for what? Do you thinks he's new at this?

You build a customer base and that just gets stronger over the years.

Content marketing is replacing sales people. The customer makes first contact increasingly knowledgable about various vendors, making the sales person less important.

Also, who knows what's going to happen with data centers? Good, easy times NEVER last forever. I hope you're savers.

- an Enterprise Software Sales person

Your complacency and arrogance are worrisome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Law. What a waste.

My DH is in sales and graduated from Virginia Tech with a BS in business. No debt. He primarily works from home when not visiting customers, I'm laying in bed listening to him downstairs getting the kids ready for school, and he's almost always done working by 5pm. He has long stretches where he completely fucks around because he's made quota. For this he makes 401k on a bad year 750K a good year.

Because his job is flexible we take a total of 2 weeks vacation without thr kids and another 3 with the kids.

Absolutely we love money. We love the life it gives us, but ours is a life we enjoy together.

Sales is radically changing. I hope you're prepared.

Prepared for what? Do you thinks he's new at this?

You build a customer base and that just gets stronger over the years.

Content marketing is replacing sales people. The customer makes first contact increasingly knowledgable about various vendors, making the sales person less important.

Also, who knows what's going to happen with data centers? Good, easy times NEVER last forever. I hope you're savers.

- an Enterprise Software Sales person

Your complacency and arrogance are worrisome.

He works for a security company that is seeing triple digit growth and it will go IPO. I also worked IT and my company (for which I had shares in) got purchased by Oracle. To say the least, I no longer work. We know the market quite well.

Your statement about content marketing is hilarious. Are you an old washup from HP? Get some vision. Work for a leading edge IT comany.