If your significant other is a partner at a big law firm, what time does he/she get home usually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the kid whose father was screaming his head off after every single play at Little League yesterday was wishing his dad spent more time at the office.

Totally stupid response. Please don't waste any more time and space contributing.

[Anonymous]

As mom to two toddlers with a husband in biglaw frequently traveling and always working late/weekends, it is sometimes hard to see what he is working for."

Absentee spouse and father. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

This makes me very sad. I could not live this way. I'm sorry for all of you, and mostly the children, who never see one of their parents. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a very good thread, that I wanted to bring back to life if possible. My husband has a great chance of making partner this year. What would you say the hours are like the first two years? We have a new baby and I have been a real B to him lately as I'm always tired. I'm back at work now on a reduced schedule, but still feel overwhelmed all the time.

Anyway, he works so hard for our family, but now I'm freaking out that this holy grail of partnership isn't going to mean more time at home with us

My husband is a second year equity partner, so I can tell you what the first two years have been like for us. We also have a baby. In terms of hours, it is about the same as the final years as an associate (8 to 8 and then a few hours at home in the evening and a few hours each day of the weekend) but there has been more travel. The travel has been mostly firm-related not client-related (anymore than usual), going to off sites, partner meetings, practice group meetings, etc. That was one thing I hadn't anticipated. Hid firm is very international, so that might be less at a predominently U.S.-based firm.

Biglaw is always stressful, but the kind of stress has changed. I thought it would get less because those years right before he made partner were so grueling, but now he has big firm administration responsibilities and worries over his associates billable hours numbers because he is getting direct pressure from senior management to keep profitability up. So, the stress is different but not really less.

I am back at work 15 hours a week because I have taken a couple of small freelance jobs in my field. Basically, I am just trying to maintain my standing, but my profession when practiced full-time requires a lot of extra, last-minute work and that just isn't a possibility right now. You will be fine if your job is contained to a set schedule that conforms to daycare or your nanny.

One thing that has improved is vacation. As an associate, DH never felt like he could take more than a few days here or there in the years right before he made partner. You are just always being evaluated during those years. Now that the rubicon has been crossed, we took several nice, long vacations this year. DH still worked a little everyday to make sure that things were running smoothly back at the office, but he felt like he didn't need to be there in person every single minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a very good thread, that I wanted to bring back to life if possible. My husband has a great chance of making partner this year. What would you say the hours are like the first two years? We have a new baby and I have been a real B to him lately as I'm always tired. I'm back at work now on a reduced schedule, but still feel overwhelmed all the time.

Anyway, he works so hard for our family, but now I'm freaking out that this holy grail of partnership isn't going to mean more time at home with us

My husband is a second year equity partner, so I can tell you what the first two years have been like for us. We also have a baby. In terms of hours, it is about the same as the final years as an associate (8 to 8 and then a few hours at home in the evening and a few hours each day of the weekend) but there has been more travel. The travel has been mostly firm-related not client-related (anymore than usual), going to off sites, partner meetings, practice group meetings, etc. That was one thing I hadn't anticipated. Hid firm is very international, so that might be less at a predominently U.S.-based firm.

Biglaw is always stressful, but the kind of stress has changed. I thought it would get less because those years right before he made partner were so grueling, but now he has big firm administration responsibilities and worries over his associates billable hours numbers because he is getting direct pressure from senior management to keep profitability up. So, the stress is different but not really less.

I am back at work 15 hours a week because I have taken a couple of small freelance jobs in my field. Basically, I am just trying to maintain my standing, but my profession when practiced full-time requires a lot of extra, last-minute work and that just isn't a possibility right now. You will be fine if your job is contained to a set schedule that conforms to daycare or your nanny.

One thing that has improved is vacation. As an associate, DH never felt like he could take more than a few days here or there in the years right before he made partner. You are just always being evaluated during those years. Now that the rubicon has been crossed, we took several nice, long vacations this year. DH still worked a little everyday to make sure that things were running smoothly back at the office, but he felt like he didn't need to be there in person every single minute.

Thanks for the response. Good point about the travel. I have noticed his travel has definitely increased as a senior associate, so I imagine it will be even more as a partner.

[Anonymous]

The real question is how sexually frustrated you are as you cant be getting much with your husband working all the time. That money must be buying you some nice diamonds and lots of massages but not much time with husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You HAD to know what you were getting yourself into, OP.

You chose money over an involved spouse. That's the bottom line.

I find this post makes some big assumptions. My DH did something completely different when I met him. We were both usually home by 6 and did not work weekends.
We didn't have much money but spent a great deal of time together and truly enjoyed each other. After marriage he decided on his own to go to law school and is now a partner at a firm. I never see him. He leaves at 6:30 am and gets home at 9 pm and works until 12 or 1 when he gets home. He also rarely looks up from his BB and works both Saturday and Sunday. He loves his job.
This is the culture of most DC law firms, I believe.
We are now in the process of a divorce.
I would trade all of the money for our previous life together.

[Anonymous]

I am a former partner at 2 BigLaw firms, worked long hours at both for a long time. I do have my regrets, but for less than obvious reasons. First, the work at BigLaw Firms is generally not that interesting, frankly. It is grunt work, though frequently for big name companies. Lawyers, even the top ones, are rarely involved in real strategic business decisions. Second, the demands of the job meant that few partners did anything of interest outside the practice of law, whether a hobby, sport, or volunteer activity. This meant that few led interesting lives. Third, except for the partners with big books, most partners were worked awful hours, for good (but not great) money. Fourth, most partners lived a highly expensive livestyle, meaning that they almost had no choice but to continue practicing at a BigLaw Firm. The few thoughtful ones saved aggressively, paid down debt quickly, etc. These few, of course, had choices. In hindsight, I wish I had worked harder for a few of those years, saved more aggressively, etc. While we are in great financial shape, I easily see that we could be in even better shape if I had been smarter. So, my take to senior associates and young partners is to use the time now to get yourself on a strong financial footing, so you can leave BigLaw for a more interesting and rewarding job. You need not spend your life in BigLaw.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. DH just made equity partner. Your words are very timely as we struggle with the new demands and need to focus on what this change could mean for us, rather than worrying about whether we get invited to join the right club. It would be so easy to lose focus, especially since there are many lawyers in this town who focus, as you say, on the expensive big status items. We almost can't get away from it - I'm a non-partner lawyer, too. Thank you so much for these words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big law atty here - I leave work at 5, and work from 9-midnight about 3 nights a week. I work about 3-5 hours on the weekend. Granted, I have not made partner yet (and who knows if I will), but I think it's hilarious that I work WAY less hours and make the same amount of money as these men. I also work with men who leave at around 6, work at night, and work on the weekend - they work more than me, but they are not working like the men described in these posts. We do NOT make an amount commensurate with the hours worked. Why do people continue to perpetuate this lifestyle? I think it's an East Coast thing.

I don't. DH and I both got out of Big Law and now weekend and most evening work is a thing of a past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Home at 7. Helps put kids to bed, then works more.

Makes breakfast. Leaves house at 9.

Makes $500K. Not a million but the kids spend time with him every day. I work too. More flexible hours and much less money. It is my job to order diapers, put away toys, etc.

Wow. What firm?

[Anonymous]

Husband a management consultant not a lawyer but same deal, seems to be constantly on call, works 8 AM-8PM then more work in front of TV. Except when he's traveling which is 3 weeks out of 4. Warn children away from these careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a very good thread, that I wanted to bring back to life if possible. My husband has a great chance of making partner this year. What would you say the hours are like the first two years? We have a new baby and I have been a real B to him lately as I'm always tired. I'm back at work now on a reduced schedule, but still feel overwhelmed all the time.

Anyway, he works so hard for our family, but now I'm freaking out that this holy grail of partnership isn't going to mean more time at home with us

If you think being a partner at a Big Firm means less pressure or reduced hours, forget it. It more likely means the opposite. The only benefit is that he probably will have more independence, if he has his own clients. Becoming a partner simply means he will have a real opportunity to build a business with the corresponding financial rewards.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else. Partners work more than associates, not less. My DH is an equity partner at a national law firm. He is insanely busy, but he has an office here at home. He is adamant about carving out time with me and the kids, and has always made us his priority. He comes home for dinner (we eat at 6) and to spend time with our kids every day unless he is traveling, which he does rarely. We took three great vacations this year. We also have a date night every week.

Look, can everyone do this? Maybe not, but lots of them just don't try. My DH has been criticized by other lawyers for "making them look bad." But in the age of telecommuting, most lawyers don't HAVE to be at the office for so many hours.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a partner and I am an OBGYN. We work many hours and yes we make a ton of money but our kids are much closer to the nanny than either of us. I do wish that we had made some different choices in school but it is what it is. I would never openly admit this to anyone in person but I personally wish I had a life more like my sisters. She works 30 hours a week and her husband works 40. They only make around 50k a year but they live in an area where the cost of living is much lower. They are truly best friends and spend a lot a time together. They have been married 10 years and have the best marriage of anyone I know. They travel all over the world and have a lot of fulfilling hobbies together and apart. They have chosen to live a child free life but honestly it looks pretty good to me. Our kids are also probably closer to them than they are to me and my husband. Maybe I am just having a bad day, but sometimes I just wish I had a connection in life like she has with her husband.