age and pregnancy - how old is too old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive me for butting in.
I'm 34, and am very glad to see this discussion. I want another, but will have to wait a few years. Thanks for reminding me that it's OK.

I say this with the best intentions, but it is uncommon (I won't say rare) for people over 40 to get pregnant with their own eggs. Certainly not impossible as the PPs say, but difficult. And please know that many many new moms over 40 got pregnant using donor eggs but don't admit it. I am one of them. No one knows except my Dr and husband. I was lulled in my mid 30s into thinking I had more time b/c of all the stories about moms in their 40s getting pregnant. I just didn't know the facts, or I would have started sooner. I think OBs are now starting to bemore honest about the issue.


Just my two cents. Every decision is personal.

This is crap.

[Anonymous]

PP, which part of it is crap? Could you be more specific?

[Anonymous]

Well...I can say that I have b/g twins that are the result of egg retrieval the day before my 42nd birthday. So our set is NOT DE, and my kids are definitely a result of DH's and my genetic material. DS is the spitting image of Daddy and DD looks a lot like me.

So it isn't fair to assume that ALL pregnancies, and ALL multiple pregnancies after the age of 40 are the result of DE.

However, I wouldn't point at my situation and say that it was the 'norm'. Even my RE says that he can count on one hand, the number of women over 40 that he has treated in the last 20 years, who have been blessed with multiples.

[Anonymous]

Well...I can say that I have b/g twins that are the result of egg retrieval the day before my 42nd birthday. So our set is NOT DE, and my kids are definitely a result of DH's and my genetic material. DS is the spitting image of Daddy and DD looks a lot like me.

So it isn't fair to assume that ALL pregnancies, and ALL multiple pregnancies after the age of 40 are the result of DE.

However, I wouldn't point at my situation and say that it was the 'norm'. Even my RE says that he can count on one hand, the number of women over 40 that he has treated in the last 20 years, who have been blessed with multiples.

I think this is exactly the point many of us having been making -- that your situation isn't the norm.

Of course there are over-40 pregnancies with the mother's own eggs, and no one assumes that ALL over-40 pregnancies must be the result of DE.

The problem is when women assume just the opposite, that nobody's using DE. When they see these apparently large numbers of over-40 pregnancies (or read about them on message boards like this one) and then assume it's not so hard to get pregnant with your own eggs at 41, 42, 43, and on, they are in for a rude awakening when that turns out not to be the case. The fact is that a large proportion of women over 40 are not able to get pregnant with their own eggs and therefore choose to use DE. That's not a criticism of DE in any way; I think it's a wonderful way to build your family if you cannot use your own eggs. But it requires an often difficult adjustment to your expectations if you go into the process thinking you'll easily get pregnant without intervention or at least will be using your own eggs.

Congrats on your twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, PP! And relax... it's no harder (or easier, for that matter) to breast feed at 45 than it is at 25.... that's one thing that age has nothing to do with.

How do you know?

[Anonymous]

"Anything that is associated with advanced maternal age (chromosome problems such as Down syndrome, Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13) would be picked up by CVS or amnio."

Then what?

[Anonymous]

The problem is when women assume just the opposite, that nobody's using DE. When they see these apparently large numbers of over-40 pregnancies (or read about them on message boards like this one) and then assume it's not so hard to get pregnant with your own eggs at 41, 42, 43, and on, they are in for a rude awakening when that turns out not to be the case. The fact is that a large proportion of women over 40 are not able to get pregnant with their own eggs and therefore choose to use DE. That's not a criticism of DE in any way; I think it's a wonderful way to build your family if you cannot use your own eggs. But it requires an often difficult adjustment to your expectations if you go into the process thinking you'll easily get pregnant without intervention or at least will be using your own eggs.

42 year old MoM (b/g twins)

You are exactly right...and ALWAYS what I try to convey when people so rudely ask anything about how my twins made it to this earth. TTCing at 40+ was NOT a picnic. Do I wish I had met Mr. Right sooner? Gotten married sooner? Had children sooner? YES!! But that was not what happened in my life. And after what HAS happened, I can't imagine it being any other way. However, if I was younger, was with the right person, and wanted to have children...I certainly wouldn't have purposefully put it off.

Honestly, it is MUCH easier to have kids WITHOUT intervention, financially, emotionally...I would NEVER look at advancements in technology as a 'reason' to delay child bearing. And I wouldn't look at Hollywood stars as my examples of medical miracles...because there is a lot of 'plastic' and falsehoods that come out of the entertainment business. It is a business built on illusion.

Finally, if your life path took you to the point of deciding on whether to parent after the age of 40...I think you have to look at the risks as they are. Somewhat greater for genetic anomalies (but according to my genetic counselor--around 6-7% versus the 3% in the general population), about the same for other congenital issues (more related to environmental issues). Having children at any age is all about taking risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The problem is when women assume just the opposite, that nobody's using DE. When they see these apparently large numbers of over-40 pregnancies (or read about them on message boards like this one) and then assume it's not so hard to get pregnant with your own eggs at 41, 42, 43, and on, they are in for a rude awakening when that turns out not to be the case. The fact is that a large proportion of women over 40 are not able to get pregnant with their own eggs and therefore choose to use DE. That's not a criticism of DE in any way; I think it's a wonderful way to build your family if you cannot use your own eggs. But it requires an often difficult adjustment to your expectations if you go into the process thinking you'll easily get pregnant without intervention or at least will be using your own eggs.

42 year old MoM (b/g twins)

You are exactly right...and ALWAYS what I try to convey when people so rudely ask anything about how my twins made it to this earth. TTCing at 40+ was NOT a picnic. Do I wish I had met Mr. Right sooner? Gotten married sooner? Had children sooner? YES!! But that was not what happened in my life. And after what HAS happened, I can't imagine it being any other way. However, if I was younger, was with the right person, and wanted to have children...I certainly wouldn't have purposefully put it off.

Honestly, it is MUCH easier to have kids WITHOUT intervention, financially, emotionally...I would NEVER look at advancements in technology as a 'reason' to delay child bearing. And I wouldn't look at Hollywood stars as my examples of medical miracles...because there is a lot of 'plastic' and falsehoods that come out of the entertainment business. It is a business built on illusion.

Finally, if your life path took you to the point of deciding on whether to parent after the age of 40...I think you have to look at the risks as they are. Somewhat greater for genetic anomalies (but according to my genetic counselor--around 6-7% versus the 3% in the general population), about the same for other congenital issues (more related to environmental issues). Having children at any age is all about taking risks.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Very helpful and interesting in a thread that has sometimes gone off the rails a bit . . . .

[Anonymous]

For me I think if you are older (40+, approaching, and TTC) then you need to talk to your Dr. or a RE about your specific factors (let me clarify - - IF you are having trouble conceiving - not everyone does, TG). An RE will look at additional relevant info. Age is important but there are very important other details. For example, with me I already had a naturally conceived DC#1, 4yo; then several miscarriages. At my 3rd m/c I saw a different Dr. in the practice who was young & aggressive and pretty much said I should not mess around and go straight to an RE (I was 39). It scared the crap out of me to think my window could be gone, eggs too old. But I read and learned a lot after that. I did the consult work to determine FSH, follicle count and the diagnostics all turned out good. I opted to go for PGD screening. While I did this at 40/41 at SG, my RE never pushed or mentioned donor eggs. I think if I had multiple failed cycles that may have been the discussion. I had 6 fertilized embryos all grade A, but that is optics; I had PGD on 5 embryos and 3 were normal for the screens performed. I got pregnant (2nd cycle), delivered full term twins. I feel ecstatic and lucky. I think the thing to be aware of is yes it is harder, but age should not automatically stop us, it may likely require some work. It is a terrifying wake-up when you have problems TTC, but the key is to go see a dr. (My original Dr was not excessively worried about my chances - it was the other aggressive Dr. that lit the panic fire under me) and assess YOUR personal situation.

As to whether we are too old - no - a family is also a network, we have our immediate family and siblings, there are close cousins and I think this makes us very lucky. My mom had me at 38 ( I am youngest sib), and she now had 5 grandchildren and is active with them: not chasing but very much a part of all of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an older mom as well, I too feel the same about not being able to see my grandkids or be there for my son or other children when they are older. But, I did not meet my spouse until I was already 40. I also would like to have another child and I am in my mid 40's now so that my son will have a sibling. I don't know if I can get pregnant again or not but time will tell. And I do feel that I am a better mom for having children now versus when I was in my 20's or early 30's. But, I don't know anyone who has it ALL. I look around me and really there isn't anyone I envy. My life isn't perfect but it isn't bad. There are always trade-offs!

I have a cousin who got married right after college and had three kids. They are great kids and she did a great job. But, she was always trying to make ends meet financially to the point where it ruined her marriage. She was a SAHM with no particular skills other than teaching at a daycare. She is now 40, divorced and her biggest thrill is going to football games with her new boyfriend. She can't get a job, teachers usually are much younger, and she has no insurance. Basically, she is screwed.

And I even have other cousins who are in their 20's having kids and they are not married. They are really in bad shape. Well, one has a boat load of money from an inheritance but chances are she will piss it all way by the time she is 40 if not earlier.

I mean really, how many people do you know who's lives are perfect? Most people live with some sort of issues.

Why do we resort to pointing out these outliers to make ourselves feel better about waiting? Is it inconceivable that a person could become a mother in her 20s, be well-educated, and have a stable marriage? I know plenty of people who fit this description. Some people "find themselves" much earlier than others and lose interest in the pleasures of childlessness much sooner. And that's okay. Others need to do more before settling down. Equally okay.

[Anonymous]

10/16 12:19 poster - there is another thread on PGD. Ww would love to hear about your PGD experience (where, costs, etc) if you are willing to share.