age and pregnancy - how old is too old?

[Anonymous]

BTW, it is not a guarantee that you will inherit your mother's fertility, but is is familial to some degree. Just remember you have 1/2 of your father's genes.

[Anonymous]

I feel the need to comment on the PP who said, "the stats are the stats." As more women have children later in life, 35 is not hte death knell of "old eggs" that it used to be, because with a larger set of data, statistics change. When fewer women had kids over 35, and they had problems the data points indicated that it was EXTREMELY difficult to conceive as one got older, esp. over 40. As one gets older, each individual's genetic make-up will contribute to whether she can easily conceive. Talk to your spouses and doctors and make the best decision for yourself.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up (I am 43) in a community of mostly Irish Catholics - so many of my friends' moms had kids at 40+.......no IVF there! Just being good catholics. I think many woman do get pregnant at 40+ - I also have two friends who both got pregnant at 42/43 without IVF........

[Anonymous]

Agree with 8:32. Some of those studies just looked at married women who used no contraception like the Brethren Hutterites. Well thos ewomen may be have less intercourse at 45 to avoid pregnancy and for other reasons.
If a woman is fertile at 45, then that is that, she is fertile, she will conceive. Stats or no stats.

[scornish]

I had my first child in April of this year at age 39.

I was advised by my prenatal team to get extra testing since I was over 35.

[Anonymous]

Yes over 35 comes with more risk once you are pregnant, but the risks accelerate rapidly after 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my second at 39 and I am thinking about this: I'll be 60 when she 20....; if my daughter has a child when she is as old as I am, I will become a grandmother at 78.... that's too old!

To add another perspective to this -- you will be amont MANY women becoming grandmothers at such a late age since waiting until late 30s/early 40s to start a family is a growing trend. Just look around you....

I do take issue here. Do you really want to be a first time grandma at 78? My mom had me young (at 20) and I had my first at 38. I am so grateful that my mom gets to spend quite a few young and quality years with my children and that they get to know thier grandma. If I had had my 1st 10 years earlier, that would be 10 years of more grandparents time. I think of this often as my mom (whom I love dearly) gets older, a veil of sadness comes over me.

If you are meeting your 1st grandchild at 78, then you will be 88 when they are 10.

I understand that we all have to do what's best NOW, but I do think I will have regrets if my children wait like I did. I just see all of the joy and fun they get out of their grandma now, it really is special and the time remaining is so short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my second at 39 and I am thinking about this: I'll be 60 when she 20....; if my daughter has a child when she is as old as I am, I will become a grandmother at 78.... that's too old!

To add another perspective to this -- you will be amont MANY women becoming grandmothers at such a late age since waiting until late 30s/early 40s to start a family is a growing trend. Just look around you....

I do take issue here. Do you really want to be a first time grandma at 78? My mom had me young (at 20) and I had my first at 38. I am so grateful that my mom gets to spend quite a few young and quality years with my children and that they get to know thier grandma. If I had had my 1st 10 years earlier, that would be 10 years of more grandparents time. I think of this often as my mom (whom I love dearly) gets older, a veil of sadness comes over me.

If you are meeting your 1st grandchild at 78, then you will be 88 when they are 10.

I understand that we all have to do what's best NOW, but I do think I will have regrets if my children wait like I did. I just see all of the joy and fun they get out of their grandma now, it really is special and the time remaining is so short.

I had my son when I was 43. My thoughts are along the lines of that I won't see son when he gets older, like when he's 60. I can hardly think about it without becoming very very sad. However-I wouldn't have wanted to have children early in life-so it's my problem and hang up and I have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my second at 39 and I am thinking about this: I'll be 60 when she 20....; if my daughter has a child when she is as old as I am, I will become a grandmother at 78.... that's too old!

To add another perspective to this -- you will be amont MANY women becoming grandmothers at such a late age since waiting until late 30s/early 40s to start a family is a growing trend. Just look around you....

I do take issue here. Do you really want to be a first time grandma at 78? My mom had me young (at 20) and I had my first at 38. I am so grateful that my mom gets to spend quite a few young and quality years with my children and that they get to know thier grandma. If I had had my 1st 10 years earlier, that would be 10 years of more grandparents time. I think of this often as my mom (whom I love dearly) gets older, a veil of sadness comes over me.

If you are meeting your 1st grandchild at 78, then you will be 88 when they are 10.

I understand that we all have to do what's best NOW, but I do think I will have regrets if my children wait like I did. I just see all of the joy and fun they get out of their grandma now, it really is special and the time remaining is so short.

I don't know that everyone chooses to wait. Sometimes, you don't want to wait but you have to. There are things over which you have no control in your life that can delay the time when you have kids. For example, you have no control over when you will get married. It might take time before you meet your spouse or your spouse might want to wait before having kids or you might have fertility issues that delay conception...etc. I think a lot of women who have children later in life wished they have had them sooner but unfortunately they did not have the opportunity to do so. I think it's important not to judge women who have children later in life b/c it might be that they really did not have a better choice.

[Anonymous]

When I was in my 20's, I thought I'd have kids in my late 20's, early 30's. However, here I am in my 40's and pregnant. It is just the way life works out. It is not uncharterd territory for my family though. My mom had me at 44 and my sister became a 1st time mom at 42. My mother will turn 86 next month. She has 4 grandchildren plus two on the way. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 2. She has a wonderful relationship with all her grandchildren. Sure she cannot chase after the younger ones like some grandmas, but she can hold them, love them, read books to them, etc.

Another plus is that having a child in your 40's quadruples your chances of living to be 100. My parents both always said that children keep you young. Sure, there are health problems that come along as you age, but a lot of how you approach life is in your attitude, not your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in my 20's, I thought I'd have kids in my late 20's, early 30's. However, here I am in my 40's and pregnant. It is just the way life works out. It is not uncharterd territory for my family though. My mom had me at 44 and my sister became a 1st time mom at 42. My mother will turn 86 next month. She has 4 grandchildren plus two on the way. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 2. She has a wonderful relationship with all her grandchildren. Sure she cannot chase after the younger ones like some grandmas, but she can hold them, love them, read books to them, etc.

Another plus is that having a child in your 40's quadruples your chances of living to be 100. My parents both always said that children keep you young. Sure, there are health problems that come along as you age, but a lot of how you approach life is in your attitude, not your age.

Thanks for sharing! I'm the poster who had my son at 43 (first and only)-and get sad when I think of not seeing him grow old. I had never given much thought to my age until I had my son-and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My god-I'm middle aged! Half my life is over-but you made feel better.

[Anonymous]

I had my children at 37, 39 and 41. No issues with their health. Actually i conceived easier with each one. (41 the first month we tried - 37 used clomid). I was also late to start my periods (16) and was extremely irregular most of my life until I had children. Sometimes going 18 months without a period. Now I'm on the dot. My husband was fairly confident that we would get pregnant again so he got a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in my 20's, I thought I'd have kids in my late 20's, early 30's. However, here I am in my 40's and pregnant. It is just the way life works out. It is not uncharterd territory for my family though. My mom had me at 44 and my sister became a 1st time mom at 42. My mother will turn 86 next month. She has 4 grandchildren plus two on the way. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 2. She has a wonderful relationship with all her grandchildren. Sure she cannot chase after the younger ones like some grandmas, but she can hold them, love them, read books to them, etc.

Another plus is that having a child in your 40's quadruples your chances of living to be 100. My parents both always said that children keep you young. Sure, there are health problems that come along as you age, but a lot of how you approach life is in your attitude, not your age.

Thanks for sharing! I'm the poster who had my son at 43 (first and only)-and get sad when I think of not seeing him grow old. I had never given much thought to my age until I had my son-and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My god-I'm middle aged! Half my life is over-but you made feel better.

Agree, thanks for sharing. Had my first child at 40 and second at 43. I also feel very sad when thinking that I will not see him grow old and may not even see his children get past their teenage years. This post helped. FYI, I also had my new DD in large part to make sure he had family when I and my DH (in his late 40s) were gone. OK, now I am really depressed . .

But I think I am a much better parent now and very financially secure . . .

[Anonymous]

Would your kids have preferred a less mature parent?
I went online and google something about being raised by older parents and the comments were very positive. These kids LOVED their parents. Maturity has its advantages.

[Anonymous]

I have to tell you as an "older mom" that I often look at a lot of these posts, particulary on the DCUM parent section, and think, "this person has to be about 25 years old. All of the drama and hysteria.... "I feel like a failure," "Does it Ever Get Better," etc. etc. Not to say that I don't have moments like that, but you can just tell, somehow, that these are less mature people who have fewer life experiences to draw on. That, IMO, is the single greatest gift of being an older parent. I have a much better sense of what to worry about and what to just let go of than I ever would have 15 or 20 years ago....