age and pregnancy - how old is too old?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for injecting a much needed dose of reality into this disucssion.

I say this with the best intentions, but it is uncommon (I won't say rare) for people over 40 to get pregnant with their own eggs. Certainly not impossible as the PPs say, but difficult. And please know that many many new moms over 40 got pregnant using donor eggs but don't admit it. I am one of them. No one knows except my Dr and husband. I was lulled in my mid 30s into thinking I had more time b/c of all the stories about moms in their 40s getting pregnant. I just didn't know the facts, or I would have started sooner. I think OBs are now starting to bemore honest about the issue.

[Anonymous]

For the 14:56 poster, the truth is that it varies from person to person. At 41 I am pregnant with twins using my own eggs. Was it easy -- no. We did IVF and didn't get pregnant until our 3rd cycle. However, I have had fertility issues that I've known about since age 33, so the need to undergo IVF was not a surprise to me. My mom conceived me when she was 44. I was an oops. I've also had friends who have oops babies that were conceived when they were 40 or older. There are also women in their 30's (and probably some even in their 20's) who require donor eggs. In general a woman's fertility decreases with age, especially after 40. However, as my RE said -- a few months here or there is not going to make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I think the PP is correct that in general it is certainly much more difficult to get pregnant over 40 than under, it's an exaggeration to say that it is "uncommon/rare" to get pregnant over 40 using one's own eggs. While I realize that the following is of course not statistically valid, at least on an anecdotal level, I know right off the top of my head half a dozen women who all got pregnant in their early forties using their own eggs (while one of the women was an acquaintance, the others are friends--in two cases extremely close friends--and I am 99.9% certain I would know if they had used donor eggs, and in at least one case the child looks just like the mother to boot). I'm not at all saying that women shouldn't consider the possibilities of waiting, but I think the issue is usually misstated. A better way of putting it is that although many women do not have trouble conceiving at older ages, the real issue is that if a woman waits too long, she won't know until possibly too late if it turns out that she is one of the unlucky ones who does have trouble; she will have missed the window of opportunity to use IVF or other interventions, etc.

With all due respect, I have to disagree. The stats are the stats. After 35, egg quality declines rapidly, and after 40 it really goes down. I don't think the concerns expressed here and now (finally) by OB/GYNs are misstated; in fact, I think more OB/GYN have to be more honest about the issue.

I think people think IVF is the answer, but don't know that IVF isn't going to help much if you have bad eggs (unless you use a donor). I really didn't know what IVF was in my 30s and thought it was a good option if I needed it. I just didn't have the facts.

Also, I am glad you feel so close to your friends that you are certain they would tell you if they used donor egg. I didn't tell my closest friends simply b/c i haven't yet decided whether/when to tell my children, and I didn't want to take ANY risk that they would find out from someone else. So that fact trumped my friendships. And people look for donors who look like them, so the fact your friend's child looks like her isn't that compelling. People say my son looks like me all the time. . . .

Anyway, OP, if you aren't ready, your aren't ready. I wish I had asked some of these questions 10 years ago. It is not that I am all depressed about it. I now have two beautiful children and I really don't think much about the fact that they are not biologically mine, I grew and gave birth to them. That is good enough for me . . .

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant with my own eggs two times- one at 38+ and one at 40+.. i was told by egg donor dr's to go the egg donor route since the stats were higher- so here we have two children.. with my own eggs.. nothing against egg donors but i think dr's and stats just push it to make an easier win- these clinics all get ivf or whatever rates reported so the better their chance on being successful- the better they look.. i am lucky since for #2 i did do ivf- 1st time worked- and my dr didn't care about stats.. we had to cancel the first ivf and i (major hormonal) bawled- and then said- i hurt your stats .. he said he didn;t care.. well- we DID IT- and I again jokingly said I was trying to make up for hurting the last cancellation..

[Anonymous]

To 23:10 PP; good point about people choosing egg donors based on resemblance to the mother; I hadn't thought of that. So maybe my friends did use egg donors after all...hmmm...

Also, I am just curious, so please ignore this question if it is inappropriate: you say you haven't decided "whether/when" to tell your kids that you used egg donors. When you say "whether," does that mean you might not tell them at all, ever? Just curious, because I thought that these days pretty much everyone tells the kids eventually, if only so that they can get accurate information about their medical record? I guess egg donation seems analogous to adoption in that regard--in the sense of a lack of biological relatedness is what I mean.

Again, just wondering, no need to respond if it's too personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 23:10 PP; good point about people choosing egg donors based on resemblance to the mother; I hadn't thought of that. So maybe my friends did use egg donors after all...hmmm...

Also, I am just curious, so please ignore this question if it is inappropriate: you say you haven't decided "whether/when" to tell your kids that you used egg donors. When you say "whether," does that mean you might not tell them at all, ever? Just curious, because I thought that these days pretty much everyone tells the kids eventually, if only so that they can get accurate information about their medical record? I guess egg donation seems analogous to adoption in that regard--in the sense of a lack of biological relatedness is what I mean.

Again, just wondering, no need to respond if it's too personal.

Thanks for being sensitive to the issue, but I don't mind answering. My husband and I are constantly arguing over the whether question. He says definitely not; he doesn't want our children to feel strange, odd, disconnected from me, have an identity crisis, etc. Some people are still very against egg donations for moral reasons.

I am on the fence, but would like to tell our children when they are much older, like when they have kids of their own, are established and hopefully free of teenage/20s angst, can really really understand how precious it is to have children, and will understand why we did it, and that the biological link is not that important. Love is love. Maybe it is just a cop out, I don't know.

But you hit the issue that bothers me most -- the medical record issue. I have extensive information (only current as of a couple of years ago) about the medical issues/health of the donor, her siblings, her parents, her grandparents and her aunts and uncles). The donor also went through extensive screening. No known genetic issues to be on the look out for.

But, of course, I won't know if the donor or her family gets some other genetically predisposed issue in the future, although there is a movement to create information banks so donors can report new developments and the information can be shared with the recipient. I guess my solution is to be vigilant in stressing to my children to get screened early for certain genetic type diseases. How I will explain my hounding, I will have to figure out. But I don't know how telling them will get them any more information since the donor is anonymous.

Also, remember, adopted children typically have much less information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, does anyone have any information on whether the difficulty of conceiving at older ages is lessened if one has had children prior? We have two kids and are contemplating a third; I am 41 and had no trouble at all getting pregnant either time before, when I was 35 and 38.

I think that the older women who have conceived are more fertile. So a woman who easily got pregnant at 44, is more likely to get pregnant at 45. Yes the stats say 1.4% at 45, but if you are one of those fertlie 45 year olds, you will get pregnant, hence the numbers don't apply to you.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 41. I had my second at 44. I will be 46 next month (August). Guess what.

[Anonymous]

My aunt got married when she was 38 years old. I remember at the time (this was a long time ago), every one in the family was talking about how hard it would be for her to get pregnant at that age. Every one in the family was very worried for her. As it turns out, she gave birth to 3 beautiful children, each of them a couple of years apart. She had to be on bed rest for all pregnancies but other than that, everything went really well, exactly like she wanted it and naturally (no IVFs or anything like that). She initially thought she would have only 2 kids due to her age but then ended up wanting a third one and had a third one without any problems. Every one in the family was so surprised! It just proves to show, you never know...

[Anonymous]

Also, family history matters. Your mother's age at menopause has a predictive role.

[Anonymous]

PP, do you know of any studies or have any more info on idea that mother's age at menopause has a predictive role in being fertile at an older age?

My mom was really old when menopause hit, so I'd be interested in learning more now that I'm TTC at 39.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, do you know of any studies or have any more info on idea that mother's age at menopause has a predictive role in being fertile at an older age?

My mom was really old when menopause hit, so I'd be interested in learning more now that I'm TTC at 39.

My RE told me that the mother's age of menopause is a good predictor of fertility. I'm 44 and still very very fertile and my mom went through menopause at 58. My eggs may not be up to snuff but I still get pregnant very very easily. I had several m/c before having my son-but every month we TTC, I got pregnant. I went to an RE to discuss PGD. He did an u/s right after my period to have a look at the follicles and couldn't believe how many I had leftover from the cycle-said I worked like a 20 year old. He told me to come in 6 days for a pregnancy test-sure enough, I was pregnant.

There are other factors involved too-nutrition, weight.

[Anonymous]

To OP: I don't know if you have already seen a fertility doctor, but if I were you, I would go straight to the fertility doctor who will be able to tell you what your chances are. The fertility doctor can look at how many eggs you still have left, that would be an important piece of information for you. Also, don't spend too much time thinking about it b/c time is precious at that age and if you want to try again, the sooner you start the better. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I had my children in my 40s with my own eggs. They are 22 months apart in age. I'm 50 and they are 7 and 9. My mom did not go into menopause until her 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, do you know of any studies or have any more info on idea that mother's age at menopause has a predictive role in being fertile at an older age?

My mom was really old when menopause hit, so I'd be interested in learning more now that I'm TTC at 39.

It goes something like this: Mother's age at menpause-15 years is the age that most women see their fertility decline. So if your mother went into menopause at 60 then 60-15=45, and so on.
At 45 we start to see complications of actually carrying the child get more serious. So even if it is donor egg, the complications really increase at 45.