People who can't handle as many kids as they have:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had four "screamers" ie: trying, difficult infants. No help. We have family nearby, which makes it worse. The family happens to be extremely selfish, bitter and not any help, which is hard for most normal people to believe (this is a small part of a long story that believe it or not, has absolutely nothing to do with me). It was our choice to have four kids. It was not my neighbors or friends choice. If there is an emergency, like I said, I would ask. But to ask someone without an emergency, makes no sense. Then what if there is a true emergency?

Juggling carpool and nap? That is an emergency? Are you serious?

Why are the ones with helpful family always the ones to expect, expect, expect? Can't they be grateful for what they have? Why must they drain others?

Maybe we should have more kids with the expectation to get "free help" from whatever sucker will give it? I would imagine that this would be very much one way, from those who I have seen expecting it. If you ask the "askers" for something, it's like you asked them to move the earth. This is what I have seen consistently, not necessarily with me, so it has nothing to do with where you (so profoundly? put) think I should "go".

Again, I am happy to help in a true emergency, as are most people I know. So yes, I consider myself blessed. I also take pride in teaching my kids to be self sufficient.

Seriously, OP, you really sound jeaous and bitter of people who have wonderful supportive families.

You say your family is of no help? Well NO WONDER! I'd stay clear of you as well. Take a long look in the mirror. You probably had rotten screaming infants because they are a just like you. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree, PP. But "dying for extra help" when you have a bunch of family members within walking distance of your own house? That's not "dying for extra help". I'm just thinking of a couple of examples I know offhand.

I dont know anyone with examples of this. Most of my friends dont have family around and the ones that do are all happy to help, even (or especially) when not needed.

My best example is that my DH is away for work for 5 days, including this weekend. So I am going with my 2 kids to stay with a friend for a night. She has kids also and all the kids will play together, her DH will help, we can both cook the meals, and life will be easier than me doing it alone. Could I do it alone? Sure, I have many times in the past, but she offered for us to visit, so why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped at two children because I felt if I were widowed or divorced, two was all I could handle as a single mom.

Me too! Does this make us morbid or pratical to the extreme?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, PP. But "dying for extra help" when you have a bunch of family members within walking distance of your own house? That's not "dying for extra help". I'm just thinking of a couple of examples I know offhand.

I dont know anyone with examples of this. Most of my friends dont have family around and the ones that do are all happy to help, even (or especially) when not needed.

My best example is that my DH is away for work for 5 days, including this weekend. So I am going with my 2 kids to stay with a friend for a night. She has kids also and all the kids will play together, her DH will help, we can both cook the meals, and life will be easier than me doing it alone. Could I do it alone? Sure, I have many times in the past, but she offered for us to visit, so why not?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE when my dh travels. The longer, the better. It doesn't happen enough, imo (only 4 weeks a year). I love having the house to myself, the quiet, doing things 'my way', relaxed evenings. The only thing that sucks is when the baby is sick and doesn't sleep. That's rough b/c I'm up all night with no one to trade off with.

[Anonymous]

"If you read the entirety of my posts, you'd see that I rarely accept help and am usually the helper. However, there are times that I am overwhelmed with other things, such as the birth of a new baby or a sick parent, and when my friends offer help, I accept that offer, even if I might not like the food. That doesnt mean I am not self-sufficient, it means I understand prioritizing my personal taste with my ability to focus on more pressing matters. "

I guess that's it, that no one offered us any help when my mother was dying at the same time I had an infant, or when my kids were newborns. We were new to the area, so I didn't expect it. It just doesn't occur to me to offer to cook a meal for a family in one of those situations. When would I do it? At 11 pm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped at two children because I felt if I were widowed or divorced, two was all I could handle as a single mom.

Me too! Does this make us morbid or pratical to the extreme?

Practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a neighborhood where people helped their neighbors with their kids. that would be heaven.

Move to AU Park.

Capitol Hill East is also great for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If you read the entirety of my posts, you'd see that I rarely accept help and am usually the helper. However, there are times that I am overwhelmed with other things, such as the birth of a new baby or a sick parent, and when my friends offer help, I accept that offer, even if I might not like the food. That doesnt mean I am not self-sufficient, it means I understand prioritizing my personal taste with my ability to focus on more pressing matters. "

I guess that's it, that no one offered us any help when my mother was dying at the same time I had an infant, or when my kids were newborns. We were new to the area, so I didn't expect it. It just doesn't occur to me to offer to cook a meal for a family in one of those situations. When would I do it? At 11 pm?

I've been known to do it at midnight. Or you could throw something together when you are making dinner for your family, or pick up a pizza for them on your way home. You dont have to help other people, but it makes a much nicer community when you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between "dying for extra help" and realizing that you dont need to be Supermom every day of your life. A happy middle exists where people help and accept help during more or less stressful times. This does not mean you cant handle your kids.

I'm not claiming to be Superwoman. I pay for a nanny. I work PT, and I have two kids - one in preschool, one in elementary school. I would never want to overburden anyone in my life. My mother lives 5 minutes away, and although she helps out, I have never relied upon her on a consistent basis b/c she has enough on her plate.

Of course there are times we all need a break, but if it's often, something's wrong.

I have friends with three children. Although they adore all three, this third one has forced them to change plans - schools, for example, b/c private is now out of the question. They completely rely on the help of others each day (mom as daycare, friends to transport kids home) and during breaks/vacation b/c they don't have the people power to accomplish their tasks each day on their own. I'm not criticizing them; I'm just saying that some of us prefer NOT to rely on others. I think it can oftentimes be rude, and although friends may offer to help b/c they're just being kind, I'm sure they'd rather remain burden-free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between "dying for extra help" and realizing that you dont need to be Supermom every day of your life. A happy middle exists where people help and accept help during more or less stressful times. This does not mean you cant handle your kids.

I'm not claiming to be Superwoman. I pay for a nanny. I work PT, and I have two kids - one in preschool, one in elementary school. I would never want to overburden anyone in my life. My mother lives 5 minutes away, and although she helps out, I have never relied upon her on a consistent basis b/c she has enough on her plate.

Of course there are times we all need a break, but if it's often, something's wrong.

I have friends with three children. Although they adore all three, this third one has forced them to change plans - schools, for example, b/c private is now out of the question. They completely rely on the help of others each day (mom as daycare, friends to transport kids home) and during breaks/vacation b/c they don't have the people power to accomplish their tasks each day on their own. I'm not criticizing them; I'm just saying that some of us prefer NOT to rely on others. I think it can oftentimes be rude, and although friends may offer to help b/c they're just being kind, I'm sure they'd rather remain burden-free.

Fair enough. As long as we recognize the difference between occasionally accpeting help and relying on the generosity of others to cope with everyday life.

[Anonymous]

Hell yeah, PP! If you were my friend and needed a night out with your spouse, I'd watch your kids - as long as they didn't rip apart my house, that is!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between "dying for extra help" and realizing that you dont need to be Supermom every day of your life. A happy middle exists where people help and accept help during more or less stressful times. This does not mean you cant handle your kids.

I'm not claiming to be Superwoman. I pay for a nanny. I work PT, and I have two kids - one in preschool, one in elementary school. I would never want to overburden anyone in my life. My mother lives 5 minutes away, and although she helps out, I have never relied upon her on a consistent basis b/c she has enough on her plate.

Of course there are times we all need a break, but if it's often, something's wrong.

I have friends with three children. Although they adore all three, this third one has forced them to change plans - schools, for example, b/c private is now out of the question. They completely rely on the help of others each day (mom as daycare, friends to transport kids home) and during breaks/vacation b/c they don't have the people power to accomplish their tasks each day on their own. I'm not criticizing them; I'm just saying that some of us prefer NOT to rely on others. I think it can oftentimes be rude, and although friends may offer to help b/c they're just being kind, I'm sure they'd rather remain burden-free.

Fair enough. As long as we recognize the difference between occasionally accpeting help and relying on the generosity of others to cope with everyday life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If you read the entirety of my posts, you'd see that I rarely accept help and am usually the helper. However, there are times that I am overwhelmed with other things, such as the birth of a new baby or a sick parent, and when my friends offer help, I accept that offer, even if I might not like the food. That doesnt mean I am not self-sufficient, it means I understand prioritizing my personal taste with my ability to focus on more pressing matters. "

I guess that's it, that no one offered us any help when my mother was dying at the same time I had an infant, or when my kids were newborns. We were new to the area, so I didn't expect it. It just doesn't occur to me to offer to cook a meal for a family in one of those situations. When would I do it? At 11 pm?

I make dinners for friends, family, and neighbors in need all the time. A new baby, sick spouse, hospitalization, etc. - all of these situations make a home-cooked meal very welcome.

I tend to make these dinners either on weekends, or at the same time as I'm making dinner for my own family.

I'm very sorry that no one offered you any help when your mother was dying. I would have made you dinner, and taken your kid for a playdate, if I had been your neighbor. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If you read the entirety of my posts, you'd see that I rarely accept help and am usually the helper. However, there are times that I am overwhelmed with other things, such as the birth of a new baby or a sick parent, and when my friends offer help, I accept that offer, even if I might not like the food. That doesnt mean I am not self-sufficient, it means I understand prioritizing my personal taste with my ability to focus on more pressing matters. "

I guess that's it, that no one offered us any help when my mother was dying at the same time I had an infant, or when my kids were newborns. We were new to the area, so I didn't expect it. It just doesn't occur to me to offer to cook a meal for a family in one of those situations. When would I do it? At 11 pm?

I've been known to do it at midnight. Or you could throw something together when you are making dinner for your family, or pick up a pizza for them on your way home. You dont have to help other people, but it makes a much nicer community when you do.

A friend of mine had triplets and their church organized meals for an entire year. Talk about great community. And yeah, people do that kind of thing late at night. I think everyone should have friends like this.

[Anonymous]

I thought maybe I saw the same little girls on the lower level of Nordstrom but I saw them today -- dismantling displays, yanking the clothes off hangers -- didn't even see a parent nearby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP again. No I'm not the Clemy poster. And this is not a one time occurrence. It is about the people who feel entitled.



Yes and about the moms who let their kids run rampant like little devils because they cannot be bothered with them. Do you know how many times I have been at the mall and a mom is shopping with her 3 or 4 kids and letting them rip clothing off the shelves, run around like hooligans, and she says not one word. God forbid she actually stops them.

This is the entitiled and rude behavior that is exhibited all the time. If you are not going to discipline and teach your children how the behave why have them? They will turn into the spoiled brat the "entitled mom" is.

Where do you shop? I've never seen this. Certainly not all the time. I mean of course I've seen kids misbehaving in stores, but one mom surrounded by wild children tearing up a store? Get real.

Get real...hmmmm I am real hun! It happens all the time at Nordstroms in mont. mall, macys, apple store. Seriously do you get out. This womans kids were pulling womens bras and underwear off the racks and tables. Was that you??? Not my problem if you have not seen this. I HAVE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do men care about this shit?

Probably not. BTW, this talk to self-sufficiency/isolation being a male trait got a laugh out of me. My husband is the one who is always eager to accept help - not because he is lazy or cannot handle his kids but becasue he know that having other adults in our childrens' lives is only benefit them. I offer to help by neighbors all the time and readily accept help - I have no interest in living my life in isolation.

My dh is the least self sufficient person I know. Where are the socks? Where is the ketchup?