People who can't handle as many kids as they have:

[Anonymous]

OP here. We had four "screamers" ie: trying, difficult infants. No help. We have family nearby, which makes it worse. The family happens to be extremely selfish, bitter and not any help, which is hard for most normal people to believe (this is a small part of a long story that believe it or not, has absolutely nothing to do with me). It was our choice to have four kids. It was not my neighbors or friends choice. If there is an emergency, like I said, I would ask. But to ask someone without an emergency, makes no sense. Then what if there is a true emergency?

Juggling carpool and nap? That is an emergency? Are you serious?

Why are the ones with helpful family always the ones to expect, expect, expect? Can't they be grateful for what they have? Why must they drain others?

Maybe we should have more kids with the expectation to get "free help" from whatever sucker will give it? I would imagine that this would be very much one way, from those who I have seen expecting it. If you ask the "askers" for something, it's like you asked them to move the earth. This is what I have seen consistently, not necessarily with me, so it has nothing to do with where you (so profoundly? put) think I should "go".

Again, I am happy to help in a true emergency, as are most people I know. So yes, I consider myself blessed. I also take pride in teaching my kids to be self sufficient.

So your point is that you're annoyed if people help each other when it's not a true emergency?

Like you, I have 4 kids & no family to help. I can handle them myself most of the time. I work so we have a nanny & she obviously helps a great deal. My best friend also has 4 kids & lives close by. We help each other all the time & not just for emergencies. I don't see anything wrong with asking her if one of mine can play at her her house while I go pick up or drop off another kid. It's not an emergency but it makes things easier for me, and I reciprocate when she wants to leave a kid (or 2 or 3) at my house. If she doesn't want to watch my kids, she has no problem saying ino, t's not a good time right now. I have no problem saying no either. I have lots of other friends who are always helping each other (and me) with carpooling, etc.

Any chance you are just bitter because you haven't cultivated a network if mom friends who help & support each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any chance you are just bitter because you haven't cultivated a network if mom friends who help & support each other?

Hmm. Perhaps you are on to something here.

I really just cannot believe the number of people on this and other similar threads today who consider helping others in times other than an emergency (egads!) an unreasonable thing to do. Y'all are very very sad people.

[Anonymous]

methinks this OP is the same as "bad mommy at clemyjontri"... equally bitter, angry, and self-righteous.

[Anonymous]

Again, no I am not the Clemy poster. I would say if I was.

I have cultivated some great mom relationships, usually with moms who have the same number of kids, I guess out of empathy. I have had other moms act like certain things are an emergency when they simply are not. Why cry wolf? I am trying to put this as simply as possible, though I know there are some that want to make it difficult.

This isn't an "any given time I may screw up" moment. We all do, obviously. This is needy person turned needy mom. I suppose if you are self sufficient (successful?) than this is a non issue. But I wonder why some of you are so very defensive. I don't ask for favors often, and I suppose I expect the same of grown women, especially if they have helpful family nearby. And no, not everyone with family nearby has helpful family, I get that. But most do.

[Anonymous]

4 kids is disgusting. I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you have so many? There have been a couple of posts addressing this. I am genuinely curious. No, I'm not trying to be a troll. I just need to know if you really, truly thought you could handle as many kids (no matter what the number); or did you really think you could depend on everyone else to bail you out. A lot of you have family nearby that is helpful to you. I do not. So why do you think it is okay or that somehow I have it easier than you? WTF? I really want to know. Save the snarky responses please, I did not mean to invite them. I am just offended, as I would love to have more kids, but I know doing so would require bothering everyone else around me to "help", which I just can't bring myself to do, since I decided to have the kids to begin with. I suppose I would feel differently if I had helpful family nearby, and did not have problems (which are none of your business) of my own to address. But why?

God, aren't you bitter! It's so unfair that you are being responsible and others around you are not. Waaah.

Add bitchy to the list of problems to address.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is so great about being self sufficient? I admire people who care about others and are cared for in return a lot more than people who are self-sufficient. We're not talking about freeloaders here. All the things you describe as bad -- those are just the kind of people I naturally like! So I don't mind if they ask for "help" even if it's not an emergency. In fact I like it. So you should stick to your type and I'll stick to mine; i don't see your world view as admirable. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post is negative and unproductive.
That is why you have generated a firestorm of criticism.
I think you are targeting a few mothers you know well and feel that they do not deserve the breaks they ask for and get.
Essentially, you are jealous of their perceived easy life!

When will you learn that you don't get a medal for everything in life, including being a supermom with few emergencies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a neighborhood where people helped their neighbors with their kids. that would be heaven.

YES! Where are these amazing neighborhoods where neighbors are helping each other? In my neighborhood, a the most contact is when a neghbor makes eye contact, nods or says "hi".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had four "screamers" ie: trying, difficult infants. No help. We have family nearby, which makes it worse. The family happens to be extremely selfish, bitter and not any help, which is hard for most normal people to believe (this is a small part of a long story that believe it or not, has absolutely nothing to do with me). It was our choice to have four kids. It was not my neighbors or friends choice. If there is an emergency, like I said, I would ask. But to ask someone without an emergency, makes no sense. Then what if there is a true emergency?

Juggling carpool and nap? That is an emergency? Are you serious?

Why are the ones with helpful family always the ones to expect, expect, expect? Can't they be grateful for what they have? Why must they drain others?

Maybe we should have more kids with the expectation to get "free help" from whatever sucker will give it? I would imagine that this would be very much one way, from those who I have seen expecting it. If you ask the "askers" for something, it's like you asked them to move the earth. This is what I have seen consistently, not necessarily with me, so it has nothing to do with where you (so profoundly? put) think I should "go".

Again, I am happy to help in a true emergency, as are most people I know. So yes, I consider myself blessed. I also take pride in teaching my kids to be self sufficient.

Your friends are not suckers. They are not strangers or enemies. They are your friends. They help you and you help them, that's the way it has always been. And it is the way it always should be.

I guess I can understand your hostility to the concept, because it must be difficult to imagine asking someone to take care of four infants. But soon they will no longer be infants and the world will look a lot better to you. When you sit at home with your kids, they can get pretty whiny and demanding at times. But if you have a few of their friends come over, they will entertain themselves. Plus, they fall in line better, which is exactly why a preschool can operate with three teachers and twenty kids and a single teacher can handle a few dozen gradeschoolers.

I just got back from a friend's house tonight. One of the wives is out of town and it was just a lot easier to eat together. We cooked one meal instead of two. The 3 and 4 year olds played together, and the toddler chased after them so even he was taken care of. One parent watched the kids and didn't really have to do much of that. The kids wore themselves out, we got home and they were asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Everybody was happy.

Friends are friends. Helping each other out is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 kids is disgusting. I am sorry.

Not OP but you are not sorry you posted this. Flame the OP but your response is gross. You are disgusting period.

[Anonymous]

I'm just confused by this post. It just doesn't make any sense. Apparently the OP is annoyed by people who ask for help unless it is an emergency in the eyes of the OP. So then do I have more children than I can handle if I ask my neighbor to drop off my kid at soccer or CCD when she is already planning to head there herself with her kid? It's not an emergency --- and I've played the new baby card and asked neighbors to do this sort of carpool drop-off or pick-up to avoid dragging the newborn out in the snow or rain (although most times folks have offered without me asking). So I guess that means I shouldn't have had another baby. Bizarre. I think the OP is just jealous that some people are blessed with helpful family members. Guess what OP? I have 3 kids. My mom watches my baby while I work and picks up my kids from the bus stop and stays with them until I get home. And sometimes I trade off carpooling with friends. And sometimes I even pawn one of my kids off on another mom for an afternoon playdate (and sometimes other moms do this to me). Shocking and irresponsible, right OP? And guess what? I'm not planning to stop popping out babies until I get my own reality tv show --- so there

[Anonymous]

OP, if someone asks you for help you don't want to give, say no. If others are helping each other willingly, why do you care? I agree w/ the posters who guessed that you may be resentful, but it sounds more to me like you are resentful of your family situation, because they don't help you.

[Anonymous]

Clemy post here.

I don't mind asking for help or being asked to help. My problem was with a mother who left her child alone and was rude to someone trying to help.

On OP's point: I don't think there's nothing wrong with asking for help. The problem here in this area is that most of the moms think they're self sufficient. Even when relatives/friends ask for help they pretend they're in control. Just look at the amount of topics of mothers bashing relatives and friends because they're around to help but the entitled "I can do it" mothers think the relatives are not good enough or might be doing it just for X or Y reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a neighborhood where people helped their neighbors with their kids. that would be heaven.

YES! Where are these amazing neighborhoods where neighbors are helping each other? In my neighborhood, a the most contact is when a neghbor makes eye contact, nods or says "hi".

Old Greenbelt. I have never had such great neighbors before in my life. I had thought about divorcing DH and it wasn't the end of our marriage that broke my heart. It was the thought of leaving my perfect neighborhood.