People who can't handle as many kids as they have:

[Anonymous]

Crap, I just have one kid and often he is more than I can handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I lived in a neighborhood where people helped their neighbors with their kids. that would be heaven.

YES! Where are these amazing neighborhoods where neighbors are helping each other? In my neighborhood, a the most contact is when a neghbor makes eye contact, nods or says "hi".

Old Greenbelt. I have never had such great neighbors before in my life. I had thought about divorcing DH and it wasn't the end of our marriage that broke my heart. It was the thought of leaving my perfect neighborhood.

I am the pp that originally wrote about my friends and neighbors pitching in and helping each other...
I am in N.Arlington. In a 'hood that has a misconceived outsider's notion as "snooty"-- but is anything but!

Great ppl!

[Anonymous]

I always wondered how my grandmother managed. 5 kids in post war Europe, 1 was hearing disabled. Then her husband died and by then 2 orphaned cousins had moved into the already crowded house.

But she did manage and she coped and all the kids tell stories of how she moaned at them, but she managed and got all of her children thru school and into college

Life is for living. No-one in America can say they have too many. There are entire families living in refugee camps with another baby on the way. Life just happans, but you find you do get by. Often in large families the kids learn to be independent

[Anonymous]

I know the answer: those types of parents think they truly are handling the ones they have!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any chance you are just bitter because you haven't cultivated a network if mom friends who help & support each other?

Hmm. Perhaps you are on to something here.

I really just cannot believe the number of people on this and other similar threads today who consider helping others in times other than an emergency (egads!) an unreasonable thing to do. Y'all are very very sad people.

I admit I don't help my friends and neighbors with their kids. My time is just too precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is so great about being self sufficient? I admire people who care about others and are cared for in return a lot more than people who are self-sufficient. We're not talking about freeloaders here. All the things you describe as bad -- those are just the kind of people I naturally like! So I don't mind if they ask for "help" even if it's not an emergency. In fact I like it. So you should stick to your type and I'll stick to mine; i don't see your world view as admirable. Sorry.

Different poster, but I agree, like people attract like. I'd rather pay for any help I need. I don't even have enough time to take a bath and read a good book, I certainly don't have two or three hours to watch someone else's kids. If I didn't work or worked part time, I might feel differently. I really admire self sufficiency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any chance you are just bitter because you haven't cultivated a network if mom friends who help & support each other?

Hmm. Perhaps you are on to something here.

I really just cannot believe the number of people on this and other similar threads today who consider helping others in times other than an emergency (egads!) an unreasonable thing to do. Y'all are very very sad people.

I admit I don't help my friends and neighbors with their kids. My time is just too precious.

I hope I don't live in your neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We had four "screamers" ie: trying, difficult infants. No help. We have family nearby, which makes it worse. The family happens to be extremely selfish, bitter and not any help, which is hard for most normal people to believe (this is a small part of a long story that believe it or not, has absolutely nothing to do with me). It was our choice to have four kids. It was not my neighbors or friends choice. If there is an emergency, like I said, I would ask. But to ask someone without an emergency, makes no sense. Then what if there is a true emergency?

Juggling carpool and nap? That is an emergency? Are you serious?

Why are the ones with helpful family always the ones to expect, expect, expect? Can't they be grateful for what they have? Why must they drain others?

Maybe we should have more kids with the expectation to get "free help" from whatever sucker will give it? I would imagine that this would be very much one way, from those who I have seen expecting it. If you ask the "askers" for something, it's like you asked them to move the earth. This is what I have seen consistently, not necessarily with me, so it has nothing to do with where you (so profoundly? put) think I should "go".

Again, I am happy to help in a true emergency, as are most people I know. So yes, I consider myself blessed. I also take pride in teaching my kids to be self sufficient.

My mother was like you. I remember when I was about 10yo I was wrapping a gift, and asked her to put her finger where I was tying the ribbon so that it wouldn't slip. She did so, but commented to me that I would need to figure out how to do this myself, because she wouldn't always be there to do things like this.

My mom never asked neighbors and family for help. We were expected to do it all. And we kids were expected to get with the program at very young ages.

I grew up with an overemphasis on self-sufficiency. As a result, I am an exceptionally self-sufficient, resourceful adult. On the other hand, I am not good at relationships; slow to trust others; limited in my ability to reach out to others for support; and in general, kind of emotionally stunted.

OP, is this what you want for your children?

[Anonymous]

Maybe its differences in how we were raised, maybe not. But I grew up in a large family, in a neighborhood where everyone helped each other out. We carpoooled.
So, I have a close circle of friends. Most I met through daycare, one I've known a long time. The other night, my toddler needed to go to the ER. I could have dragged my 4 yr old along (my DH was out of town), but instead I called and asked a friend to watch him for me. She said sure, and it really didn't add to her burden - so it was 3 kids to get to brush their teeth, not 2. A few weeks ago, my good friend had her second child. In the last 2 weeks, I'd call and see if she wanted me to watch her 4 year old for a few hours, because I knew that even though she didn't *need* it, it would help her de-stress some. And although she had family her for the birth, I helped with her 4 year old - not that I needed to, but because I knew it would help, and her 4 year old and my 4 year old keep each other entertained pretty well. It really wasn't a bother to watch 1 more. And that's how it is with my friends. Another friend is moving, and we've all offered to watch the kids for a little while to help them out, even though its not an emergency and they don't *need* it, just as they offered when I moved. And if I asked any of my friends for help and they said no, it would not be a be big deal. I understand that everyone has limited amount of time and have their own plans. Just as I can say no when someone asks me and I don't want to help or can't help due to other obligations. C'est la vie.

[Anonymous]

9:53, I wish for friends like you. You make the world a better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe its differences in how we were raised, maybe not. But I grew up in a large family, in a neighborhood where everyone helped each other out. We carpoooled.
So, I have a close circle of friends. Most I met through daycare, one I've known a long time. The other night, my toddler needed to go to the ER. I could have dragged my 4 yr old along (my DH was out of town), but instead I called and asked a friend to watch him for me. She said sure, and it really didn't add to her burden - so it was 3 kids to get to brush their teeth, not 2. A few weeks ago, my good friend had her second child. In the last 2 weeks, I'd call and see if she wanted me to watch her 4 year old for a few hours, because I knew that even though she didn't *need* it, it would help her de-stress some. And although she had family her for the birth, I helped with her 4 year old - not that I needed to, but because I knew it would help, and her 4 year old and my 4 year old keep each other entertained pretty well. It really wasn't a bother to watch 1 more. And that's how it is with my friends. Another friend is moving, and we've all offered to watch the kids for a little while to help them out, even though its not an emergency and they don't *need* it, just as they offered when I moved. And if I asked any of my friends for help and they said no, it would not be a be big deal. I understand that everyone has limited amount of time and have their own plans. Just as I can say no when someone asks me and I don't want to help or can't help due to other obligations. C'est la vie.

This is me and my friends. We all offer to watch each others kids and help out whenever we can. If I know someone's DH is away, I will bring over dinner or offer to pick some things up at the store, so they dont have to run errands with their kids. In fact, my DH is away and a friend (with 2 kids of her own, including a 1 month old) just offered to watch my kids so I could get to the gym. We help each other out whenever possible - not just emergencies. Could any of us do it on our own? Of course we could. but why should we?

[Anonymous]

I LIKE to do it on my own. I don't think being self sufficient makes me "emotionally stunted." I'm just more male than female in this regard.

[Anonymous]

"My mother was like you. I remember when I was about 10yo I was wrapping a gift, and asked her to put her finger where I was tying the ribbon so that it wouldn't slip. She did so, but commented to me that I would need to figure out how to do this myself, because she wouldn't always be there to do things like this.

My mom never asked neighbors and family for help. We were expected to do it all. And we kids were expected to get with the program at very young ages.

I grew up with an overemphasis on self-sufficiency. As a result, I am an exceptionally self-sufficient, resourceful adult. On the other hand, I am not good at relationships; slow to trust others; limited in my ability to reach out to others for support; and in general, kind of emotionally stunted. "

Or, you would have been emotionally stunted no matter how you were raised.

[Anonymous]

I stopped at two children because I felt if I were widowed or divorced, two was all I could handle as a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LIKE to do it on my own. I don't think being self sufficient makes me "emotionally stunted." I'm just more male than female in this regard.

I am a SAHD and my group of dads helps each other out a lot. Zone defense is much easier than man-to-man coverage.