Why even bother having kids? (Flame away)-- nanny ad, hours 3:30-8pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I daydream about having enough money to hire help -- a nanny, au pair, cook, housekeeper, the works. However, I totally agree with the OP. She googled these people and this is not a mom at home who needs an extra pair of hands with her three young kids. OP said they were high-powered, more than full time career people and they are obviously hiring help to cover the remaining hours when their other child care goes home. I agree with OP -- why bother having kids?

And to all of you who say, can't you love your kids just as much if you work those hours as someone who stays home with them -- it's not about YOU, it's about YOUR CHILDREN. Some people become parents and never make that profound transition from thinking about their own needs as paramount to thinking of their children's needs as paramount.

Yes, through google, I'm sure the OP learned all the relevant and accurate information she needs to judge people she doesn't even know. Google probably told her how many hours they work, what time they leave in the morning, what time they get home, whether or not their children have special needs, whether or not either of the parents has health issues, and maybe even whether or not they are nice to their pets.

Would you continue with your high powered, more than full time job if you had a child with special needs, and let the nannies raise your special needs child? Would you keep said job if you or your spouse had health issues?

This is what the OP said she discovered about the parents on google:

"I googled the people and they are not working swing shifts, they are both highly-paid professionals (think lawyer/consultant). Not firefighter, nurse, etc."

The OP knows nothing about them, including whether they are high powered or have more than full-time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I daydream about having enough money to hire help -- a nanny, au pair, cook, housekeeper, the works. However, I totally agree with the OP. She googled these people and this is not a mom at home who needs an extra pair of hands with her three young kids. OP said they were high-powered, more than full time career people and they are obviously hiring help to cover the remaining hours when their other child care goes home. I agree with OP -- why bother having kids?

And to all of you who say, can't you love your kids just as much if you work those hours as someone who stays home with them -- it's not about YOU, it's about YOUR CHILDREN. Some people become parents and never make that profound transition from thinking about their own needs as paramount to thinking of their children's needs as paramount.

Let's be honest, some people have children as a fashion statement.

I know a bunch of people who have secretly regretted having children. All them them did it because children are a fashion statement.

One mother I know says she "hates babies, dislikes children, and can't wait until her kids are grown up. Because THEN she'll enjoy them." I was thinking to myself, Uh, well, maybe....if they're not raving alcoholics or drug addicts or in jail because no one loved them until they turned 21.

She has a nanny for the weekdays and a grad student to watch her children many evenings and weekends so that she and her husband can "relax after their hectic workweeks" and get their photos in Washington Life.

Scary. Oh, she's a lawyer for what that's worth.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your name so that we can Google you? If you SAH, how much time do you have on your hands so that you can peruse ads that have nothing to do with you, and then Google the people who post them? Where was your child? If napping, why weren't you cleaning the house, or volunteering to help in a shelter, or setting up for a lesson or an art project for your child? Or are you a nanny? If so, same questions for you. I'm not practicing Christian, but if you are, I seem to recall something along the lines of "judge not lest you be judged."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

Why does being a parent mean having to make "huge sacrifices"? Yes - your life changes a lot and you put someone else's needs first, but it doesn't mean you have to become a martyr or give up your entire identity.

So what if they need childcare bc/ neither parent is home until 8 at night? That's their call and maybe their children will be better off for it - having two strong parental role models, having money for the best schools, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

Why does being a parent mean having to make "huge sacrifices"? Yes - your life changes a lot and you put someone else's needs first, but it doesn't mean you have to become a martyr or give up your entire identity.

So what if they need childcare bc/ neither parent is home until 8 at night? That's their call and maybe their children will be better off for it - having two strong parental role models, having money for the best schools, etc.

Wow. Now I've heard it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and have no problem with judging but you haters are just wrong. The kids will be fine in the end. People have been raised well with much less than they will have. If I had a strong career that required those hours I would send my kids to daycare or employ several nannies and think nothing of it because I LOVE THEM. It's that simple.

I total agree. If I had a "high power" and very high paying job, I'd employ the best nannies money could buy. An uncaring parents would have a ton of mone any bounce their kids around from place to place with no regard.

FOR ALL WE KNOW, the parents of these small children might be home when he nanny is there and just wants a 3rd set of hands so they can enjoy and interact with their kids. My mom lives overseas and visits for months at a time and it is WONDERFUL to have someone help out with the kids, especially at night. It is less stressful for everyone and makes the nights quite enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

If you googled me, you would conclude that I am a lawyer. I am not. I am a SAHM. I plan to go back to work as soon as I can find something part-time that is worth my while. Good chance it will not be to an attorney position. Really, your googling me would not give you an accurate picture. MYOB!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I daydream about having enough money to hire help -- a nanny, au pair, cook, housekeeper, the works. However, I totally agree with the OP. She googled these people and this is not a mom at home who needs an extra pair of hands with her three young kids. OP said they were high-powered, more than full time career people and they are obviously hiring help to cover the remaining hours when their other child care goes home. I agree with OP -- why bother having kids?

And to all of you who say, can't you love your kids just as much if you work those hours as someone who stays home with them -- it's not about YOU, it's about YOUR CHILDREN. Some people become parents and never make that profound transition from thinking about their own needs as paramount to thinking of their children's needs as paramount.

You mean, like poor people who just procreate so they can feel loved? If we don't sterilize welfare recipients, who's to say two doctors shouldn't have children because they need 60 or 70 hours a week of childcare? Thinking about your children's needs goes way beyond their emotional needs at age 3. It's a much more complex calculus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

I'm sorry, you don't get to define what being a good parent means for anyone else. You just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I daydream about having enough money to hire help -- a nanny, au pair, cook, housekeeper, the works. However, I totally agree with the OP. She googled these people and this is not a mom at home who needs an extra pair of hands with her three young kids. OP said they were high-powered, more than full time career people and they are obviously hiring help to cover the remaining hours when their other child care goes home. I agree with OP -- why bother having kids?

And to all of you who say, can't you love your kids just as much if you work those hours as someone who stays home with them -- it's not about YOU, it's about YOUR CHILDREN. Some people become parents and never make that profound transition from thinking about their own needs as paramount to thinking of their children's needs as paramount.

Yes, through google, I'm sure the OP learned all the relevant and accurate information she needs to judge people she doesn't even know. Google probably told her how many hours they work, what time they leave in the morning, what time they get home, whether or not their children have special needs, whether or not either of the parents has health issues, and maybe even whether or not they are nice to their pets.

Would you continue with your high powered, more than full time job if you had a child with special needs, and let the nannies raise your special needs child? Would you keep said job if you or your spouse had health issues?

It depends on the other circumstances in my life.

[Anonymous]

OP is crazy, and I hope she doesn't have kids, or they will be F'd in the head like her.

BOO OP, you are like the craziest, least empathetic person ever. A pox on you!

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have children??? I only have 1 and am expecting another soon. My current ONE child is exhausting. I am not afraid to admit that I need help. Now that I'm going to be a mother of 2, I KNOW I will need help. How would I get anything done with an infant and toddler? I think some people have to make do with what they've got. I plan to get a mother's helper everyday. That does not mean I do not love my kids. I just need help!!!! DH has a very demanding job with long hours so he can't help me in the afternoon/early evening. I see nothing wrong with having help taking care of THREE children.

[Anonymous]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/12/20/VI2010122004619.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

I'm sorry, you don't get to define what being a good parent means for anyone else. You just don't.

Yes I do, and so does the rest of the world. Caring about yourself more than you care about your children goes against human nature. It is taboo to admit it -- that's why people who feel that way have to pretend it's actually okay that their children are being raised by hired help -- or that it's actually BETTER for children to have "role models" of career addicts as parents than it is to have loving, involved parents actually doing the job of being parents.

[Anonymous]

If I had the money, I would stay home and have someone work from 3-8pm too! This would not have occurred to me when my kids were little but with those ages ranges it makes sense to have someone around when one kid has an activity but you don't want to drag the other two out, you want to spend time reading or doing something focused with another, or you just want to make dinner.