Why even bother having kids? (Flame away)-- nanny ad, hours 3:30-8pm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

I'm sorry, you don't get to define what being a good parent means for anyone else. You just don't.

Yes I do, and so does the rest of the world. Caring about yourself more than you care about your children goes against human nature. It is taboo to admit it -- that's why people who feel that way have to pretend it's actually okay that their children are being raised by hired help -- or that it's actually BETTER for children to have "role models" of career addicts as parents than it is to have loving, involved parents actually doing the job of being parents.

If I were being selfish, I'd sit around all 32 hours my kids are gone in school. Because I care that my children have sufficient financial resources and a happy, well adjusted mother, I work. It's not as black and white as "work long hours, kids' needs as being neglected." Kids have many kinds of needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I daydream about having enough money to hire help -- a nanny, au pair, cook, housekeeper, the works. However, I totally agree with the OP. She googled these people and this is not a mom at home who needs an extra pair of hands with her three young kids. OP said they were high-powered, more than full time career people and they are obviously hiring help to cover the remaining hours when their other child care goes home. I agree with OP -- why bother having kids?

And to all of you who say, can't you love your kids just as much if you work those hours as someone who stays home with them -- it's not about YOU, it's about YOUR CHILDREN. Some people become parents and never make that profound transition from thinking about their own needs as paramount to thinking of their children's needs as paramount.

You mean, like poor people who just procreate so they can feel loved? If we don't sterilize welfare recipients, who's to say two doctors shouldn't have children because they need 60 or 70 hours a week of childcare? Thinking about your children's needs goes way beyond their emotional needs at age 3. It's a much more complex calculus.

I didn't say they shouldn't be having children. I said, people have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I'm just calling it like it is. Just don't pretend that that is best for the children when it's really just best for you. It takes all kinds of children raised in all kinds of situations to make this world go around -- but we are talking about being good parents, not just 'being' parents by procreating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

I'm sorry, you don't get to define what being a good parent means for anyone else. You just don't.

Yes I do, and so does the rest of the world. Caring about yourself more than you care about your children goes against human nature. It is taboo to admit it -- that's why people who feel that way have to pretend it's actually okay that their children are being raised by hired help -- or that it's actually BETTER for children to have "role models" of career addicts as parents than it is to have loving, involved parents actually doing the job of being parents.

If I were being selfish, I'd sit around all 32 hours my kids are gone in school. Because I care that my children have sufficient financial resources and a happy, well adjusted mother, I work. It's not as black and white as "work long hours, kids' needs as being neglected." Kids have many kinds of needs.

People whose kids are in school 32 hours are not hiring nannies for those hours, so that is not the situation we are talking about here. We are talking about hiring people to do the parenting that needs to be done. If your kids are in school, the obviously there is no parenting that needs to be done during those hours and you would not be hiring someone to sit at home in your stead.

[Anonymous]

"If I were being selfish, I'd sit around all 32 hours my kids are gone in school. "

Here ya go!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/12/20/VI2010122004619.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I googled the people and they are not working swing shifts, they are both highly-paid professionals (think lawyer/consultant). Not firefighter, nurse, etc.

Really, OP? Your original post wasn't enough? You had to Google your neighbors in order to judge them further (and hold them out for further judgment on this board)? I'd say YOU have much bigger issues than the neighbors you're scrutinizing . . . .

[Anonymous]

A PP asked "how did our mother's do it?". I think, in many cases, they did things very, very differently from SAHM or WOHM today. My mother worked PT and she and my dad juggled shifts to minimize childcare costs. On days that my mom worked, my sister and I would go to a neighbor's house until my dad got home. On days when my mom was home, I kept an eye on my sister, who is 5 years younger than me, while we played outside or in the basement while my mom cooked, cleaned, etc. She wasn't spending much quality time with us, and wasn't taking us to classes or playdates. Before my sister was old enough to play outside with me, she spend a lot of time in a playpen (remember those?) while my mom took care of household chores.

Scheduling quality time, one-on-one time, playdates, Gymboree and the like.....all things that are part of parenting today, not a generation ago.

Regardless of the judgement in and about OP's post. IMHO, it is NOT COOL to repost an ad from a neighborhood listserv here. Not cool AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling the "people" defending the OP are, in fact, the OP. She seems to be monitoring this thread like a hawk.

OP, you need to get a life. Or at least spend it on something more worthwhile than being a judgy shrew.

And the non-you PPs think you're nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I googled the people and they are not working swing shifts, they are both highly-paid professionals (think lawyer/consultant). Not firefighter, nurse, etc.

You googled these people? javascript:emoticon('');
I think I'm more worried about you than them.

Seriously? You don't google people out of curiousity? This is an annonymous message board, you can be honest. I was curious and googled them. They are both high powered/highly paid. Ever read the "wedding section" of Above the Law?" Nothing is off limits there-- they will link to your wedding registry, etc.

I actually participate in the same listserv and saw the original posting. And no, it would never occur to me to google someone who had posted an ad for child care. I don't get why you care or are even curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually participate in the same listserv and saw the original posting. And no, it would never occur to me to google someone who had posted an ad for child care. I don't get why you care or are even curious.

You may want to quietly email this nice couple off-list and let them know this is here. They might be able to contact Jeff and ask for it to be removed. I'm sure they won't appreciate being stalked by this woman, what with having 3 small kids and all.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here... I worked for a mother once, who told me "Babies aren't my bag". She never spent time with her kids and had 3 nannies working around the clock, by the time she had 2 kids. I worked 80-90 hrs a week (doing nights as well).

That job paid for my house and a huge downpayment, my new car, and my education. I shut my mouth and did my job, got a great reference, then left to work for people I liked and respected. I've been with them for over 5 years.

Why do you care, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

Why does being a parent mean having to make "huge sacrifices"? Yes - your life changes a lot and you put someone else's needs first, but it doesn't mean you have to become a martyr or give up your entire identity.

So what if they need childcare bc/ neither parent is home until 8 at night? That's their call and maybe their children will be better off for it - having two strong parental role models, having money for the best schools, etc.

Wow. So sad that these are your views on what is best for the child. The best schools over parental involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If I were being selfish, I'd sit around all 32 hours my kids are gone in school. "

Here ya go!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/12/20/VI2010122004619.html

What relevance does this have to the thread? Or are poor, undereducated, black welfare recipients relevant to every thread?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I am also a participant on the original posting listserve and recognized the ad. I sent the link to this discussion to the moderators of that listserve so that they would know it had happened. They agreed that OP was absolutely violating the terms of that listserve but that because DCUM is anonymous they can't do much about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have children for all kinds of selfish reasons. I know I did. But for many people, once you have kids you are forever a different person because you are no longer the most important thing TO YOU -- your children are. Some people never experience that. And many people experience it and are told to stuff those feelings away and ignore them -- it will get easier to leave your baby with someone else; it will get easier to hear your baby cry at night. Etc, etc, etc. Being a good parent means making huge sacrifices, your own 'self' as paramount is the first one.

I'm sorry, you don't get to define what being a good parent means for anyone else. You just don't.

Yes I do, and so does the rest of the world. Caring about yourself more than you care about your children goes against human nature. It is taboo to admit it -- that's why people who feel that way have to pretend it's actually okay that their children are being raised by hired help -- or that it's actually BETTER for children to have "role models" of career addicts as parents than it is to have loving, involved parents actually doing the job of being parents.

I'm not even sure I understand your response (the rest of the world gets to define what being a good parent means?). But it seems that you are implying that no one should work. Or at least one parent shouldn't work. So how would that work for most people?

You sound pretty sure that you're right about everything. That's usually a dead giveaway that you don't have a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I am also a participant on the original posting listserve and recognized the ad. I sent the link to this discussion to the moderators of that listserve so that they would know it had happened. They agreed that OP was absolutely violating the terms of that listserve but that because DCUM is anonymous they can't do much about it.

Imagine being the people that originally posted the ad for the nanny. What a violation of trust. Just awful. I almost hope they never see this. What good would come of that.

Note to self: Stop posting on neighborhood list serve. People with no life may google me, make assumptions about me, and then put my life up for public ridicule.