Is remarriage worth it with young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

+1. It’s what your children want and it’s best for them, no matter what they say (some kids will tell you they’re happy for you, but it’s survival for them).

Correct. Or you aren't given a choice at all.

And adults will say rationalize it by saying we will have more money or itll be easier or they need a father figure or whatever. I am a parent now and I would NEVER remarry if I got divorced or widowed until my kids were out of the house. I made a commitment to my children when I had them. And every single man on this Earth will expect your marriage to come before the kids whether that is explicitly stated or not and most men cannot raise children they did not father the same way they view and raise their own children. They are more harsh, controlling, judgmental, etc. Its just like how you judge Sallys children at the birthday party.
Money becomes an issue. For example, one kid wants to go to band camp and the other sleepover camp but there isnt enough for both. You think the "Dad" is going to let his kid go without, especially if he brings in more money? Ha!

Ive never seen a blended family work. Of course there are special cases as described here where someone found a millionaire Prince Charming and everything is perfect BUT aggregate data would show that to be an outlier.

I’ve even seen families with unlimited resources have horrible outcomes for their kids because the disruption of having 50% less time with your parents, no permanent home, and new kids to contend with is so psychologically damaging to even the most well-adjusted family.
Do not do it.

All of this. It's amazing what seemingly rational people can delude themselves into believing.

[Anonymous]

I'm close to someone whose mom remarried a single man when he was 4. She had a daughter with the new husband who she allowed to discipline him as if he were the man's child. They showered their joint child with affection and material things while making him feel like he was an outsider. She made it clear throughout his life that her new husband and his daughter were her priority and he was just her unfortunate baggage. It took him decades to work through it all with a therapist. I'm sure his mom thinks she was fair and treated both kids the same.

[Anonymous]

Seems like no positive stories/experiences!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

+1. It’s what your children want and it’s best for them, no matter what they say (some kids will tell you they’re happy for you, but it’s survival for them).

Correct. Or you aren't given a choice at all.

And adults will say rationalize it by saying we will have more money or itll be easier or they need a father figure or whatever. I am a parent now and I would NEVER remarry if I got divorced or widowed until my kids were out of the house. I made a commitment to my children when I had them. And every single man on this Earth will expect your marriage to come before the kids whether that is explicitly stated or not and most men cannot raise children they did not father the same way they view and raise their own children. They are more harsh, controlling, judgmental, etc. Its just like how you judge Sallys children at the birthday party.
Money becomes an issue. For example, one kid wants to go to band camp and the other sleepover camp but there isnt enough for both. You think the "Dad" is going to let his kid go without, especially if he brings in more money? Ha!

Ive never seen a blended family work. Of course there are special cases as described here where someone found a millionaire Prince Charming and everything is perfect BUT aggregate data would show that to be an outlier.

I’ve even seen families with unlimited resources have horrible outcomes for their kids because the disruption of having 50% less time with your parents, no permanent home, and new kids to contend with is so psychologically damaging to even the most well-adjusted family.
Do not do it.

All of this. It's amazing what seemingly rational people can delude themselves into believing.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like no positive stories/experiences!

I wouldn't base any decisions on the stories/experiences of people on this forum. They all have disastrous lives, probably from a slew of personality disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I consider remarriage with 2 young boys (7 and 5)? Is it worth it? Or should I just focus on myself after the kids are older and out the house. They like my bf and he has one son of his own around the same age.

Absolutely not. The biggest risk factor in a child's life comes from a stepparent. Particularly a stepfather.

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile, all the neglectful “fathers” earned their gray divorce after 20 years of free high quality child care, meals, housekeeping and scheduling.

Then go out and marry another woman within two years, who promises to be nice and take care of him, in exchange for all expenses paid. Adult kids can join in the occasional lavish vacation.

Must be nice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile, all the neglectful “fathers” earned their gray divorce after 20 years of free high quality child care, meals, housekeeping and scheduling.

Then go out and marry another woman within two years, who promises to be nice and take care of him, in exchange for all expenses paid. Adult kids can join in the occasional lavish vacation.

Must be nice!

Don’t forget her shot at all the wealth built up those 20 years of his first family propping him up, inheritances too, if she’s younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what is wrong with marrying a guy with a kid?

Being a stepmom isn’t fun, and he’ll be talking to the exwife and she’ll be jealous of you.

Being a stepdad is?

Dad, step dad… all the same. Most do nothing and then smile for the photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I consider remarriage with 2 young boys (7 and 5)? Is it worth it? Or should I just focus on myself after the kids are older and out the house. They like my bf and he has one son of his own around the same age.

Absolutely not. The biggest risk factor in a child's life comes from a stepparent. Particularly a stepfather.

Now-single mom to kids around the same age. For this reason, and all the other reasons mentioned in this thread, I am a pretty solid no on re-marriage.

It's wild how many of my friends (but, notably, all of them still married) try and tell me I will change my mind. Maybe I will? But these are the same friends who complain about their husbands and are losing sex drive with onset of menopause, so I'm not sure exactly why they think I will change my mind!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like no positive stories/experiences!

I know of some that seemed to work out, but in those cases only one partner had kids, and then the couple proceeded to have children of their own together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With full time job, household and two young kids, how do you even find time for dating?

I’m entering exactly this scenario and this is MY question as well. My spouse lives out of state, so I am default parent virtually all the time.

I don’t think I could pull off meeting someone/dating even if I DID have the energy for it after caring for my 4 and 6 year olds.

How do people do this?

[Anonymous]

OP you should not consider remarriage, your ability to generate multiple crotch goblins yet not retain the sperm donor does not signify any particular fitness on your part to be married to anyone. It suggests the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I personally would just wait until he is older…..or they are older.