Is remarriage worth it with young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope
Blended families never work.

It's like you've never heard of Mike and Carol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ok understood, so do most divorced people with kids just stay unmarried?

Ideally, they should. If you can’t be a good partner and can’t pick a good partner when you were single without baggage and kids, your odds of becoming one or finding one now are even lower. You messed up children’s lives once, why risk repeating it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what is wrong with marrying a guy with a kid?

OP is better off staying single than marrying a guy with a young kid. Based on my informal research among friends, 99% of women who've married a guy with a young kid agree with me. Men in general are liabilities, and men with kids are double the liability. Unless he's very rich, the costs outweigh the benefits. It's fine to date men with kids, but don't cohabitate or marry.

So you want all of the benefits but have none of the responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

I think it would be really helpful for people to state whether their opinion comes from being a kid in a blended family experience, being an adult who blended their family (and thus likely has some rose-colored glasses on because admitting fault for remarrying would mean they made a poor choice), or some weird faction of religious anti-sex-outside-of-marriage nuts.

If you can read that the risk of physical or sexual abuse increases by 40x for kids with stepparents versus biological parents and still think its beneficial or good or a "village" you're bonkers.

[Anonymous]

How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if advice would be same or different for a man asking the same question?

[Anonymous]

To be fair, women have more problems in marriages and who initiate divorces so them suddenly becoming so optimistic about marriage is confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

Because most single moms meet the reality of finances in a high cost of living area and not being able to drive to two kid activities at once.

[Anonymous]

My opinion comes from having 2 friends who did this. Do not do it. The years with kids at home pass faster than you think. Wait until they are gone. It will also be better for your relationship. A decade of coparenting with your “awesome” man will destroy your desire to be with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

+1. It’s what your children want and it’s best for them, no matter what they say (some kids will tell you they’re happy for you, but it’s survival for them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

+1. It’s what your children want and it’s best for them, no matter what they say (some kids will tell you they’re happy for you, but it’s survival for them).

Correct. Or you aren't given a choice at all.

And adults will say rationalize it by saying we will have more money or itll be easier or they need a father figure or whatever. I am a parent now and I would NEVER remarry if I got divorced or widowed until my kids were out of the house. I made a commitment to my children when I had them. And every single man on this Earth will expect your marriage to come before the kids whether that is explicitly stated or not and most men cannot raise children they did not father the same way they view and raise their own children. They are more harsh, controlling, judgmental, etc. Its just like how you judge Sallys children at the birthday party.
Money becomes an issue. For example, one kid wants to go to band camp and the other sleepover camp but there isnt enough for both. You think the "Dad" is going to let his kid go without, especially if he brings in more money? Ha!

Ive never seen a blended family work. Of course there are special cases as described here where someone found a millionaire Prince Charming and everything is perfect BUT aggregate data would show that to be an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what is wrong with marrying a guy with a kid?

OP is better off staying single than marrying a guy with a young kid. Based on my informal research among friends, 99% of women who've married a guy with a young kid agree with me. Men in general are liabilities, and men with kids are double the liability. Unless he's very rich, the costs outweigh the benefits. It's fine to date men with kids, but don't cohabitate or marry.

So you want all of the benefits but have none of the responsibilities?

Why would OP want more responsibilities in her life? Just a wild guess that she has had enough already.

[Anonymous]

I did. It was a mistake. Don’t. Date, but don’t cohabitate or marry. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come some parents are so open to play games with lives of their kids?

If you divorced on assumption that you can be a single mom, why not be one?

+1. It’s what your children want and it’s best for them, no matter what they say (some kids will tell you they’re happy for you, but it’s survival for them).

Correct. Or you aren't given a choice at all.

And adults will say rationalize it by saying we will have more money or itll be easier or they need a father figure or whatever. I am a parent now and I would NEVER remarry if I got divorced or widowed until my kids were out of the house. I made a commitment to my children when I had them. And every single man on this Earth will expect your marriage to come before the kids whether that is explicitly stated or not and most men cannot raise children they did not father the same way they view and raise their own children. They are more harsh, controlling, judgmental, etc. Its just like how you judge Sallys children at the birthday party.
Money becomes an issue. For example, one kid wants to go to band camp and the other sleepover camp but there isnt enough for both. You think the "Dad" is going to let his kid go without, especially if he brings in more money? Ha!

Ive never seen a blended family work. Of course there are special cases as described here where someone found a millionaire Prince Charming and everything is perfect BUT aggregate data would show that to be an outlier.

I’ve even seen families with unlimited resources have horrible outcomes for their kids because the disruption of having 50% less time with your parents, no permanent home, and new kids to contend with is so psychologically damaging to even the most well-adjusted family.
Do not do it.

[Anonymous]

Child of blended. Only “worked” because my mom successfully sabotaged relationship between her husband and his bio kids. They have suffered enormously.
Blending families is no joke and should be weighed heavily and taken at a glacial pace. Your desire to create a new and improved family 2.0 to justify the pain of divorce is understandable but your kids may not have the same perspective .